Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: "You Are A Strong Black Woman"

Let me be the one to tell you... I hate being identified as strong. I hate that for some reason people think I dont hurt or need comforting just like someone they perceive to not be strong. The truth of the matter is there is nothing more than I want than to be weak. I wish that people would do things for me and feel sorry for me. i wish that people could help me. Im strong by default because noone cared enough to make a way for me.. I would gladly love to share the burdens I bare as a black woman with someone else... to shed my spotlight and my influence to be another indistinct number. im not some power crazed person who loves to be in control, but the lack in this world is what made me step up.... and thats real.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: The Black Expat Search

Does it piss anyone else off that there are always two different categories of life??? When I do research there is the 'American' experience and then the 'African American' experience... it drives me up a wall that there is such a discrepancy between the two..... For instance I just looked up expatriate (which for those of you that don't know are people that move from their home country to another country) I can find loads of information on white expats worldwide.. When I try to search specifically for a black American etc... nothing. I know that the expat experience will be drastically different for black and white Americans. Its so frustrating, and the very reason why I provide my blog and YouTube channel... because its just ridiculous that we are not providing the same resources for each other. I know I couldn't possibly be the only person interested in such topics (especially based off the number of responses I get about the various subjects I post about) I think we, as black innovators need to do a better job of providing the knowledge base to our peers of positive, forward- thinking, progressive black people. We need to step up..... If you have ever come across subjects you cant find resources on then please provide the resource... it is in dire need....... 
Me in Barcelona, Spain (October 2014)

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A lesson of maturity; transitioning from girlfriend to wife

In America women are promoted to be equal with our men. We are told that we can lead our houses just like men. We go to the finest schools, buy expensive power-suits,enter corporate America and lead. we are taught to believe that we can operate successfully like a man in every dimension, which is mortally false. These are some of the reasons I believe we struggle to find love with a real man, or if we manage to attract real man, the reason I believe we fail to maintain it. As a wife i have accepted the fact that I can not contend with my husband. I have watched as the double standards have penetrated our house and its not just my house... but the house of all my other married friends as well. A real wife must be patient and humble. which is the complete inverse for many of us that have been molded into this 'independent'creature. Its hard for us to sit back and let someone take the credit for all of our hard work. After all, we climbed the ladder on our own recognizance, no one ever made excuses for us. However I am here to tell you... none of that matters if you desire to have the type of man that will take care of you. Your marriage will require the utmost level of sacrifice and you will have to deprogram all that you have been taught of the 'independent' woman. There is a reason that marriage of yesteryear survived so long... and I believe it in large part to attributed to women knowing their place... It was never that the husbands didn't challenge the wives... but it was the take of the wives on the importance of the commitment and the togetherness of the family that convinced them to push through tough times. It taught resilience.. which is now absent in our current culture. As a girlfriend, you can make demands.. you get the luxury of liberty; or pushing the boundaries, but as the wife you will find yourself locked into sometimes extremely taxing and trying situations. It took me a while to learn the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. The girlfriend stage is all about you whereas the wife stage is all about him. I must also again state these are the thoughts and opinion of my blog.. you dont have to subscribe to them in any way.... but these are my real life observations. Especially if you happen to be dating an African man.. you will def experience the difference. African men cherish their wives, no matter what. They look at her as someone to be respected and not defiled. As the girlfriend you will experience more liberty.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Accountability ; part of the leaders life.... not for everyone

Growing up with a younger sister cultivated a deep preference to only be accountable for myself. Becase i was older i would find myself getting rerimanded for her actions and i hated it. Today my Pastor called me out for being thirty minutes late to many different settings.... i am forced to become accountable for those around me. It is frustrating,  yet the mark of a leader. Obviously not everyone that reads this will be able to relate. Some never will know the cost of accountability, the innate pull of leadership. Accountability strengthens the leaders validity because after all noone wants to follow someone that can not demonstrate victory in their own live. I extol all the leaders out there to remember that we are held to a different standard and that is because we are the everyday examples for those around us. There is a special reason people look to us for guidance, and it is important that we fulfill our God given, great purpose of leading in a proper way.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: And The Truth Is.. No I Did Not Wake Up Like This....

It has taken years to cultivate my look and my mind. It is nothing that can be achieved overnight, be assured. To create a vast vocabulary, it has taken hundreds of books, years of education and much correction. True beauty is truly skin deep. I believe that there is too much focus on simply the exterior. The woman who made such a phrase even popular knows good and well she "didnt wake up like that" smh. All I can promote at is that you concentrate your emphasis on enhancing your heart and soul because your looks can and will fade. It is advice that I also apply to myself...... ~Stay black and true. 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Cultural Differences: The Effect of External Influences on Your African Man

I selected an African man for specific reasons: Genes, Tradition, Community,Ambition among others just to name a few. However, I was unaware of the large influence that he would be subjected too living in the states. Some foreigners hold fast to their foreign way of life, but you will find many others are more open to experiencing American life since their migration. For me.... this became somewhat of an issue. My husband went from enjoying the occasional soccer game to watching every NBA & NFL game. He went from listening to Makossa (Cameroonian french music) to repeating the lyrics of 2chainz and Lil Wayne. He went from tailored suits to a more casual look to blend in with his peers except I didn't want all those things.... those were actually the very attributes I wanted to avoid, and I found myself extremely frustrated by his ability to be influenced in what I regarded as an negative direction. It caused us much strife in the beginning because I was very estranged from who my husband was becoming.. and he didn't understand why I was upset. I felt duped and lied too because of course I wanted an "African" man. American influence is very strong, and I now can understand that being away from home is such a big transition. Eventually my husband learned exactly why certain things were not favorable, and reverted back to the groundwork that he had learned, but he did also tell me that I had to learn patience with him. He also desired to have the same sense of belonging that any other human wishes to have. If you are dating a man that has recently come to the states, this can present a huge hurdle for you, as all of the experiences you have come to have after a lifetime of learning, your mate is just beginning that journey as an adult. My advice would be communicate with your mate. I often explained lyrics to songs and broke down the connotations of slang. My husband shared how hilarious it was to learn some of the meanings of movies and music that he had learned whilst abroad. To him, they were simply words, and African Americans that had made it and become successful were simply icons. Alot of the media that foreigners are shown abroad about the American life is misleading and alluring all at the same time. As is it our home we know the fact from fiction, but a foreigner would never be able to make that discernment until they had the opportunity to experience it for themselves.

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Looking good but no function

A recent experience showed me exactly how annoying it really is to have something/ someone that looks good, but without functionality. No one wants a man that looks good, but has no substance; just as no one wants a woman that looks good that doesn't handle the basics (cooking &cleaning). I believe that this is a real issue for us Americans, because alot of the focus of our lives goes into the image rather than the substance. If you don't mind simply having a great image, then no need to change, but if your desire is to have more meaning and more connection in you life, then you will have to cultivate more substance in your life. It is challenging to assess yourself.. or to be assessed by someone that you love, however that assessment can be used as a tool to self improvement and a more fulfilling future. Do not take offense, be open minded and begin to strategize how you will use the feedback to springboard forward.

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Black Woman... You are so gorgeous.....

With all the most disparaging things in the American media that can damage and discourage black women, I can not cease to remind all my women of color... how gorgeous you are.. how fantastic and smart you are... and full of innovation. Today, I want to highlight five of our most beautiful qualities:

I have to admit.. my friends are some of the most witty and uplifting people I know. They have great spirits and a great sense of humor. I love the fact that in times of despair they are there to restore and alleviate some of life's stresses momentarily.

Some of my most fondest people: Tina,Michelle and Mom

No one keeps it all together like my black sisters. We manage to keep our hair together, run a household, take classes, and work a full time job. We balance church with the gym. We make meals out of scraps. We have social lives as we carefully care for our children. Other races marvel at our tenacity and ability to manage so many things at one time.. Kudos, Girl.... keep doing your thing!
Working Girl

If one thing is for sure, we do not shy when the opportunity to represent,speak up,correct and support comes. From Rosa Parks to Michelle Obama. From Oprah to Sybrina Fulton (Treyvon Martin's Mom).From Aretha to Billie Holiday.... we consistently deliver creativity and heart.We have the ability to shed light and bring about change. We motivate others in our various circles.. and it is an aspect that we do naturally. I am proud of all me women of color that speak from the heart and strategize from their minds..

IN THIS GYM... GOING HARD #TeamSideProfile

We are loyal to the core, no matter the area of our lives. A black woman will not turn her back on her children. If she is a professional, she is full of ambition excelling to the highest of heights. For her man, she will invest and love with all her heart. No one can pull her from her faith... she will trust in God without reservation and dedicate her life. A friend will be a friend for life, even if we have a disagreement or grow apart. I love the fact that I have grown with some of my friends. It is such a blessing to be surrounded by people I know will be there for me on both sunny and rainy days. <3
Me and Morrisa... #FriendsForever

I love the versatility of women of color. Some go natural.. some look like Beyonce. Some are petite and some are Amazon women, but its all beauty. It shows the handiwork of our Lord and his divine creativity. We are unmatched. Some of our best physical features are given naturally as the others clamor to augment themselves. Celebrate yourselves! Variety is the spice of life! 
My little sister Alonee and I <3

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Ebola....quickly reverts stigmas and stereotypes

Perhaps it is my aspirations of seeing the world that makes the Ebola crisis so scary and saddening. Or maybe it is the fact that so many people of color have been ravaged by it, and that was previously not enough to merit a valiant search for a cure or aid. Or maybe it is the fact that I know that morally and politically, America is not on the right tract. I know that judgement is past due for such an country that boldly challenges God which basically beckons him to respond in a way that forces every knee to bow and every tongue to confess. The fact that Ebola has now crossed international boundaries has brought much attention to it.... Futhermore, I can not fail to mention that white Americans that contracted it seemingly survived, although the African man that contracted it died... Many questions plague me, and make me feel so uneasy. Many Americans are so oblivious to matters outside of their own backyard. I feel deep pain for those that have already been touched by loss and grief of losing family to this virus. I read a story today in which some Nigerian students were rejected from an Texan college admission due to the fact that they were coming from 'a region with confirmed Ebola cases'. Its interesting how such things will quickly bring out deep seeded stereotypes. Suddenly every African is suspect for this disease? Since it is now present in the United States does that mean that make every Texan suspected? Or since one of the nurses exposed traveled to Ohio, does that put every Ohioian at risk? Dont get me wrong, I believe that precautions have to be taken and higher consideration must be taken especially with those that are traveling from infected regions... but that does not beckon ignorance... It never ceases to amaze me how primal humans become in crisis, pointing the fingers and shifting blame. Truth be told, I blame the medical community for turning their nose up at this situation and not being proactive because they obviously never saw the potential of it effecting them. I pray that it does not have the profund impact that my soul thinks it will.... Lord help us all  

Friday, October 10, 2014

Black women; The Example, The leaders and the standard

I ran across a random video on Facebook of a non black twerking contest and that's when it hit me why the world is so much more critical of women of color than everyone else, it is because we are the natural born leaders . We are so innovative ,beautiful, confident, and strong. We lead in many different roles...which other races struggle to manage.  We create fashion. .. have always been creative with our hair and nails. .... and although we are consistently criticized we are seemingly emulated from our innate style down to the way we shake our assets. Lets be honest, black women innovated lively dance. Europeans were always conservative in their delicate ballets while African women shook things up. .. twerking is borne to us. Once a white broad does it....they make a big deal. Even from slavery days black women have been superior. unfortunately the credits go unnoticed. We have to learn to find the strength from within to withstand all the derogatory factors around us designed to tear us down... and we have to learn not to ingest the foolishness. Taking it in and beginning to believe it will lead to depression, low self esteem, and dissastifaction in life in general. Take it from me, I know just how frustrating it can be. Im an emotional person and it rips me to the core to see black women be copied but not given credit, but I want to encourage you to stick to your core values when the going gets tough.. Do not give up, and do not give in. Continue to innovate and create. A copy can never be as plush as the original.......  

Handling Disappointment

This subject has been a lifeling lesson for me that i am still learning how to deal with. being raised to be responsible and dependable has cultivated a very result oriented mindset as well as taking things very personal if the desired outcome is not achieved. As a young person i never wanted to be thought of as the flaky one, the person who never answered their phone, the irresponsible, inconsiderate and selfish one. When people somehow let me down i would take it personally. ... not realizing people are socialized as such. If you are like me, you have to learn not to internalize the disappointment.You have to look for positives and draw from that. I know it sounds typical,but your life will become your mentality.

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

I'm Not Afriad

It takes courage to live in this world... and advocate for certain things... such as God's law, the definition of family, integrity and character. I takes boldness to speak up, and not let injustices happen in front of your face.. It take discipline to order your life, and live righteously even in the privacy of your home or where eyes can't see you... It is not easy feat, but I am not afraid. I am not afraid to be that strong person that I desire to see more prevalent. I am not afraid to transform my life as well.. that I can be an example for others that may struggle yet believe that they can do it. We live in a world where talking and typing are all the rage.. but what are you actually doing.. what steps are you actually taking to make an impact? Is simply stating your thoughts enough to make a difference? Is that enough to change this world? Often when I watch T.V. and witnesses come forth after something heinous has taken place.. the first thing they start talking about is the cardinal signs that they witnessed, yet chose to ignore. They start talking about perhaps what they could have done to change the outcome.. yet i have come to the conclusion talking IS NOT enough... feeling and thinking is not enough.. Ultimately, one will have to take some sort of heed to make a difference. I believe that this is one of the many reasons that our current American culture is so wavering in all that it stands for.. we have so many voices spouting out feelings.. and very few that stand strong and take action.  It takes courage which God has so graciously given me in abundance along with conviction... To overcome the lies we have all been told. I recently took my dream trip to London, United Kingdom and the trip changed me. I took the trip at a pivotal time. I had unexpectedly lost my job and had been experiencing other challenges that were simply leaving me feeling defeated. Coming abroad and seeing the way that the British do life greatly inspired me, and I returned home with a new sense of self..... and elevated ambition. I realized that simply existing is not the sum of life. It actually requires more....which can be summed up by leaving a positive impact. There are plenty evils that can seem to drown out good concepts, but if you forge through.... You will have accomplished the feat of leaving an impact, and no one can take that from you.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Learning to be thankful

Its unfortunate that it takes so much time and changes to bring us to realizations that should have always been evident. Over this past year i have learned so much. I finally realized my dream of traveling solo to London and was also let go abruptly the day before my trip from my job of nearly four years. I worked at an unconditioned warehouse for a month in the heat of summer... i learned my dreams are for me, not the world. I used to resent the people that depended on me for leadership, motivation and encouragement. I also hated my job. However, all these experiences propelled me into an exciting new chapter of my life... filled with adventure and hope. I've learned to embrace the platform that I have been given. To begin to see my beauty and intelligence as an attractive thing instead of a burden. I feel totally motivated and am working diligently towards future success. If you happen to be a person that has rarely experienced lack, I know that life may seem bleak and dis interesting, but I challenge yourself to see it in a different light. Take yourself to a homeless shelter. Ride a city bus into work.... look with unbridled sight into the life of someone less fortunate so that you may be able to enjoy the many blessings God has bestowed upon you. Our talents are not a vice, they are meant to be used and multiplied. Those of us with a sound mind are meant to perpetuate hope... not detail all that is wrong with the world. We have a tenacity that most long to possess.. let us be wise and operate in our purpose.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Why I Fell In Love With Africa

Growing up in the United states has not been a walk in the park. I have so many varied memories, and with me being a progressive person, I have spent many days, hours and years trying to understand the complexity that is of a colored person living and growing in the states. I have watched many of my peers progress smoothly through life, without delay, without depression as they pursue and achieve their dreams. I have watched close friends marry and have children, but their houses, finance that car they always wanted and pondered why my path could not also be so easily defined. Sometimes I even wondered if I was crazy and imagining all the boundaries that I have been confronted with until I found others that experience it too. I tried to find solace among my peers only to be rejected by their insecurities. I tried to bridge the gap as well with the others races only to be met with ignorance and resistance. I felt lost, undefined and saddened, that even in the largest most diverse country I was still a loner and an outsider. It was a combination of all these factors that cultivated my love and fascination of Africa and Africans. Over the years, I was always received and perceived well among Africans. I noticed how they didn't suffer with the same identity crisis that black Americans struggle with. Somehow even with their great journeys an sacrifice to move here and start again, they had unwavering purpose. The men have always been respectful, generous and encouraging and not to mention strikingly gorgeous. To date I have not been able to establish the sort of relationship that I would like with the ladies, outside of my inlaws. I could always see the beauty in them, and the strength of their character although many Americans have them pegged wrongly. I have made lifelong friends with Africans and felt at ease, as if i didn't need to change this skin or aspire to be anything else. When I think about Africa, I am met with great mystery. I wonder what the experience of traveling there will be, as I will more than likely visit west Africa first. I wonder if I will be just seen as another tourist and not as someone of color. 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Black Trophy Wife....A Rare Concept.

Its very interesting the journey that some of us women of color take. Some grow up with a silver spoon and are left searching and unsatisfied, and the rest grow up with lack and grow up longing and empty. In a culture where lack is way more common (which this article is specifically for my single American black women), the concept of the trophy wife is not  popularly discussed or even a concept that many relate too. Early in my blog I discussed the difference between the passionate model of relationship versus the provider type of relationship. It has occurred to me, that more often these days, Black women are growing up seeking the passionate model, yet a few have managed to bag a provider. We fantasize about having a man take care of us financially, and provide us the finer things... never knowing what that entails. White women are more familiar with being a trophy wife, but today I want to dispel some things that go along with your provider.
Simply put, as intelligent individuals we observe life, and naturally focus on what we do well. We sometimes learn how to manipulate the system to get what it is we want. Based on what assets one has will determine their approach. Commonly men that lack means will use charisma and sex to attract a woman. They struggle to do anything related to commitment and also lack follow through. So in this model you can live with, have children with and spend years together without any level of planned progress. The minute you try to suggest structure, this type of man will buck up against you. These types tend to be confident, handsome, very passionate, good in bed, funny, lovable and convincing.

Conversely the Provider will be built differently. He is not impulsive and believes in making a plan for mostly everything. He has gone to school, has a nice car,money saved, is independent yet introverted. He lacks social skills and or has little to none relationship experience. He lacks confidence, and uses the material things he has acquired to attract a woman. He offers her security and commitment sometimes at the expense of emotional connection and intimacy. In public, the provider will praise his wife, but in his home he will retreat. Such behavior will leave his mate feeling perplexed and lonely, meanwhile all your friends and family will adore your husband, as he has the best image in public. Your provider is likely to silence your complaints with gifts and material things while the passion has nothing to offer you but words.

Therefore it is my assumption that whichever side of the coin you land on, be prepared for the associated costs of that selection. The provider will come with a more complex set as the issues the passion are more trivial. No matter what, remember to keep calm and carry on...... :-)

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Joseph's coat of many colors: Its your dream not theirs

Recently my Pastor has been preaching alot on Joeseph's experience both about his dreams and his journey. The most profound piece was his brothers response to his dreams. Joeseph shared two dreams to his brothers that reflected him as the superior and his brothers were not pleased.  The fact of the matter is that your dreams are YOUR dreams. Others can assist you along your journey, but may not be able to share your passion for your dream. Not only were his brothers unhappy with the vision, but they went as far as to conspire against him. I have learned over the years to keep my plans to myself because of the reception i have received.  I have learned that others may not rejoice for me or wish to even take part. It is for us to write our own storybook and pursue our dreams. Joseph teaches us that even n some cases even our family will not understand or comprehend our dreams. Be strong a carry on.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Let Me Vent Series:Happy Father's Day to Single Mothers???? ; Ludicrous

Single parents in our society is an awful trend, and I will never deny that, However we need to understand and acknowledge the truth. On Facebook this past father's day there was much debate about whether single mothers should be wished a happy fathers day. My say??? Absolutely not. A mother will always be a mother. She does not take the place of the father in his absence. I believe the whole movement is a play to get attention and sympathy. I know that in some cases unforeseen situations have resulted in single parents.... but... lets keep it all the way real, the majority of single parents are the result of unwise decision making, and as always I come down tough on the ladies, because no matter what we will always take the brunt and the blame for unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. Even in marriage, a wife needs to be clear that the majority of parenting will undoubtedly fall on her. So to reiterate, it is quite simple. Mother's have their own day to be recognized, and further more... Parents should not be so desperate to be acknowledged on these holidays anyway; the purpose is to acknowledge you for what you are expected to be doing and providing for your children. You are not doing anything extraordinary by raising your children... you are actually doing the bare minimum.... #IJS

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Role Model? I Think Not Mrs. Carter

Seems to me its all coming out Bey! OOOOPS!

I have heard so many mixed reviews of the Beyonce 'Drunk In Love' performance at the 2014 Grammy award shows. Now me personally, I don't much follow awards shows as I seldom even watch t.v. However with all the hoopla, I watched the performance on YouTube, and now I want to share my thoughts on the whole subject matter:

First of all, I think it is quite the shame that Beyonce can not strike a balance in which she is sexy yet classy and tasteful. I do not believe it is proper for a married woman, performer or not to be dressed so provocatively on the world stage. Beyonce is quite aware of her influence on not only women, but also young women, and shame on her for sending the improper message. I wish so many people did not idolize her.. because she has it all wrong. If any regular wife were to follow her example, her husband would be upset that his wife was showing off all of her assets for everyone to see. The show and tell is supposed to be reserved for the privacy of your husband only. JayZ strategicly exploits his wife, as we can see there is no limit to what she would do for his happiness.

I also think it Ironic that while she struts around scantily clad, her husband is dressed to the nines in an expensive tuxedo looking like the epitome of elegance. So many people love the combination of JayZ and Beyonce not realizing that he has consistently zipped her lips over the years forbidding her to speak on their relationship. And lets not get on the fact that he hand picked her when she was a teenager, molding her into his little sex kitten... smh

Now they are going on tour together, and some seats have astronomical price tags, and the people scramble to get them... at any rate. Im not interested. I used to love JayZ and actually went to one of his concerts a few years ago, but I can't support their deception and stand by idly while they mislead the crowds with their false image. I just think this is a sad state of affairs, when someone who doesn't even have anything to say (because when is the last time you heard Beyonce say ANYTHING profound) is in a position of influence..... sad.

And the elevator situation couldn't have come at a more pivotal time. Her behavior when she was unaware that anyone was watching shows greatly what she is made of. As a wife, there is no way that i would allow my sister to berate my husband like that, even in the circumstance that he was in the wrong. Mrs. Carter, supposedly 'running the world' and what not, was as tame a pussy cat. Not at all what I would expect from the finger snapping, attitude toting diva.. hmmmmmmmmmm #ActionsSpeakLouder

The Real Black "Supermodel"

I ran across this picture, and felt like I should share because I'm not sure if alot of mom's understand the gravity as their role as a mother to the next generation. Often, parents entertain foolish behaviors that becomes the foundation of their child's life, and as someone concerned about the future, I am extremely observant. Many grow up in households where they wish they were elsewhere, only to attempt to mold a lifestyle that will leave them unfulfilled. These people tend to displace the blame, and believe that the solution of their problems is on the other side. Not so, unfortunately. But preparing your child the best that you possibly can, and being honest about some of the challenges that people of color face, you give them a tremendous start in their lives. For the woman of color, there are many disparaging obstacles that may face them, there is no need to further put them behind the eight-ball. Naturally, what our parents, and I place most of that weight on the mothers, expose us to forms our personality and perspective. It is beyond critical that we do the most thorough job as possible. Do you think your children really want to be a thug like their no good daddy? Do you think your daughter should invite provocative attention distracting her from school and progress? And of course,  there are two sides to the coin. Do you think that because you have arrived that your black child turn his or her back on the community that they no longer feel a part of? All such things play a factor.Think about it. 

Staying Relevant

It is one of the most difficult and challenging things to do for any person of substance. Often you will feel the harsh friction while trying to promote your message, and In some cases it can be extremely discouraging. Some fall into the abyss and fall off... others understand the pressure to stay relevant, to maintain and continue forward. This message is especially relevant for me at this current time in my life. I have become somewhat a recluse as I have not been working for a few months. I have kept an extremely low profile, and I know my followers have been waiting for fresh videos & posts. I apologize for the drought, I almost forgot how to keep moving. ;-) but I assure you, I'm back and coming stronger than ever. #TheBlackJetLagProject is still underway and just received a generous donation <3

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Self Medication & Other Distractions

I realize that life is often comprised of endless and discouraging obstacles that threaten to destroy, delay or hinder your future, and often times we take even more detrimental actions by self medicating ourselves with things we understand will not alleviate or aid our problems. Sometimes self medicating becomes a problem in itself by cultivating some type of addiction or insatiable desire. It could be anger, violence, sex, alcohol, drugging, over eating, retail therapy,stealing, or scheming..... only you know what spells relief for you when you are upset or sad. My charge for all of you is to find a positive outlet. No one can get you on track but yourself, and diverting your path can do you so much more harm than good. Self medicating is a subject that most like to avoid because it applies to all of us in some form or fashion. However, unhealthy urges can be conquered.. and the daily frustrations of life can be channeled into better avenues. I just want to send some encouragement out to those beating back their "medicine booty" as my Pastor calls it, and to let you know.. you aren't the only one fighting.. but you can win!

Monday, May 12, 2014

The Creation of Single-Motherdom; Daddy's Maybe, Mother's Baby

With Mother's day just passing.. I find it fitting to discuss my reasoning behind the disproportionate single motherhood that cradles the African American community. Many will not want to hear or acknowledge this truth.. but it is still relevant. I read my Facebook feed yesterday and was somewhat disappointed in many of the status's from the single mothers because I happened to know some of their stories personally. I happened to know how they understood clearly the questionable circumstances they were bringing children into, yet they proceeded. I remembered hearing the warnings from family, friends and even sometimes the other women that also had children with these guys, yet for some reason, the women still chose to believe and hope to a fault. Now fast forward to present times... and these same women complain that the father of their children wants no parts. He chooses not to invest in their child. Chooses not to support and is cold and is also callous to the mother of their child/children. Common sense would tell someone that in many many cases the past is a great indicator of future performance. Therefore, I believe that BAD JUDGEMENT is the #1 source of this epidemic. I hold the women mostly responsible for their own demise, although it takes two to make the baby. In every childbirth the woman is the one that sacrifices the most. They have everything to lose or gain by an unwanted pregnancy which requires an elevated sense of prevention. We have seen it as a reoccurring theme in our culture, and should not be so foolish to ignore the cardinal signs, this is not a game. This is our future... One can not inflict responsibility. One can not mature another person or impute the importance of parenthood... Such things are an individual's responsibility. Honestly I believe most these culprits hope falsely that the child would be the glue that bonds the relationship.
Now perhaps you feel like I'm coming way too hard on the ladies, but I am more concerned with the social impacts to our community too sit by idly as I see my peers making repetitive mistakes. I am upset that in a society where we have the most exposure and the most prevention of unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, this issue is still rampant. I understand the unforeseen factors that have fostered some single parents, but the vast majority of people are CHOOSING this walk, and they are sacrificing the best interests of their children for their selfishness and foolishness. I once crossed one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, who shared with me she was Haitian and Indian. I proceeded to ask her if she had ever been to India, and that's when she poured out some the of the realities of her specific experience. She shared with me that neither her mother or father could handle her birth, and that she had been shuffled around foster cares her whole life. She told me of the struggle to find herself because of the lack of connection to her heritage. I wondered what her parents motives were.. if it was a one night stand or forbidden union. Both of them failed to take any responsibility, and left their baby girl to find her way on her own. One moment of conception totally shaped someone else's life. Becoming a parent should never be taken as lightly as it is in modern day society. On moment of pleasure impacts the whole world. Think intently about the quality of your child's life, childhood and future before you rashly make choices. Word.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"They Ain't Never Seen A Nigger On A Horse Before"

As many of you know,  The Black Jet Lag Project is well underway, and yesterday I had a cyber conversation with a childhood friend of mine over Facebook. He seemed to be confused with my plan, and vehemently implied that it would not be successful, and for just a moment I found myself getting flustered, offended and discouraged. Until I decided to turn those emotions into determination. Until I decided that he would eat his words. Much more than the other cultures, do we as black people make a habit of preying and disheartening our peers when ideas or concepts are unveiled. We watch others live out their fanciful wishes yet feel as if we can not 'play in that arena'. Instead of supporting, we lay and wait for failure so that we can gloat. However, I just want to encourage other innovators, creators and dreamers out there not to be limited by other people's small scopes. Every great  innovator had to go against the grain to bring his ideas to the surface. The masses have always historically been inapt to change, and typically reject new concepts. It can be very hurtful, but as a visionary we must push on.  One day I was really down about the stifling environment I was dealing with at my then work place and how sometimes I realize the empty stare in people's eyes when they interact with me. A good friend of mine, Lawrence Young II, once broke down the concept of a memorable line from the movie D'Jango. There is a scene in the movie in which D'jango played by Jamie Foxx rides into town on a horse beside his white partner. Everyone in the town was struck completely speechless at the sight of a black man riding a horse. His partner noticed the shock and awe and asked D'jango what everyone was staring at. D'Jango simply replied, "They ain't never seen a nigger on a horse before". When I first watched the movie, the profoundness didn't hit me, but once my friend reiterated it for me... I was greatly taken aback. Simply, there may be times in your life in which you are the first expression of whatever you may represent to the people around you. Perhaps you are the first highly educated person of color in a rural community. Maybe you are the first entrepreneur in your family.. Maybe you have dreams of doing things that no one else around you have ever had... whatever you may be, you are the first one they have ever seen, coming into town, destroying boundaries, riding on a horse. I like to think of myself that way... except not a dirty, un groomed person... yet extremely polished and gorgeous riding in on a beautiful flawless white stallion. Shocking and stealing the breath away of all the doubters.... making it clearly evident that all things are possible. May you be inspired by the opposition.... may you continue your journey to victory...

~Afrikan Superstar

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Energy That Goes Into Fundraising

Ever since I have begun the new journey of trying to raise funds for next adventure to Europe, I have exerted so much energy. In addition to setting up an online fundraiser and trying to spread the word online, I have also been working on a physical program to draw up support. I have realized that it takes so much energy to drum up support and I truly commend those that do these type of activities all the time. I will be dropping regular updates here as to the progress. Click the following link if you wish to support The Black Jet Lag Project. Any amount is welcome and is graciously appreciated. Thank you.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Are You Really Surprised about Donald Sterling's Racist Comments?

I finally got around to listening to the comments of the Clippers owner Donald Sterling all I could wonder is what is the big deal, and why is anyone surprised? If you think that everyone is going to like and accept different races, you are a fool and you are sadly mistaken. Donald was having a conversation with his girlfriend in what he thought to be privacy, and was just sharing his innermost thoughts. It no different than you having a conversation with your lover, your friends or your family... take a moment out to think about the scathing things you have mentioned over the phone.. but you are not famous, so those things don't get exposed. Although some might take his comments to be offensive, I'm not moved simply because people are entitled to like what they like. In my case I am particular about what i like, where I like to go/travel, the foods I like to eat. There are certain people I don't care for and certain places I would never bother to visit, and I believe that I am entitled to that, it is my preference. What I share with my friends or family is private, and I honestly don't feel like those things should be used against me. So, In lieu of that, why should we care how he feels in private as long as he is professional and fair when it comes to his livelihood. I don't know why people are so quick to get offended if someone doesn't like you.... SO WHAT!!!! It is not the end of the world...Before you go stoning the old man consider yourself and the nature of your very own private phone calls.. Let us not be immature. Look at the bigger picture, racism is a force that will always be in effect. Devalue its potency by limiting how riled up you get at the fist notion of people's foolishness..... That is all.

Sunday, April 27, 2014

Redefine Cool: We Are The Standard Of Beauty

Timeless Beauty: Iman

I have found so many people to be so impressionable and non creative, too afraid to be who they really are which might actually be a very cool unique person. I want you to know that all of us are made different for that purpose.... and I'm not speaking to those that suffer from emotional issues.. and are running around constantly re-inventing their look because they have low self esteem. When you are naturally cool and confident, it shows and it's like a magnet. I have to encourage more of us to reinvent cool, and by that I mean be you with the kind of confidence that motivates other. Confidence is different from arrogance. Confidence is the level of comfort you have in your own skin, and I believe it is what is seriously lacking in our culture today. This is why so many people are emulating the next person.... because they can't find the worth in themselves. For black women, it is finding that level of acceptance in our bodies and hair. It is loving ourselves and not desiring to be anything else. I do realize that society is very unforgiving to women of color, and feeds into negative stereotypes, but I believe it is because we are the most beautiful of women.. and we get our beauty naturally. Gorgeous skin, teeth and shapes.. we are the envy of the other women. What God has blessed us with, other races pay big bucks for. Simultaneously, they convince us that we are less than and not the standard of beauty meanwhile all the other women are trying to emulate what we have, it doesn't make sense???? We age well, bounce back after children and remain stylish. We are strong and intelligent... we have tenacity and ambition. We push past our pain to make more of our lives. We are innovative and creative.......So in closing today..... tune out the madness, and learn to love yourself. It all starts with you. Don't be mislead.... we are the standard of beauty......

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Black Jet Lag

Black Jet Lag is my latest project and I hope you can support me in my quest to explore Europe. I have had so much time to reflect since I was fired from my job about different things and places I want to see.To date, I have been living my life to enhance the quality of others, and have made that a higher priority than chasing my own dreams. Going to London couldn't have come at a more pivotal time for me because I realized that there is so much more to life that being confined in our everyday routine. I realized that experiencing my dreams is much more attainable than I wanted to acknowledge. Since I am no longer employed I have loads of free time in which I would love to embark and chronicle a tour of Europe with my subscribers and followers. I am hoping that with your support I will be able to make this dream come true. I have set up an online fundraiser to raise money to assist with my travels and operating costs. Any amount that you are able to donate is greatly appreciated. Sharing is caring, so spread the word or post the link to your blogs ( Thank you in advance 

~Afrikan Superstar

Ghetto Love..... Is It Worth The Cost?

Jim Jones & Crissy

Cast of Love & Hip Hop

Ciara & Future
I know a few girls that have been dealing with the same man for years. I have heard the stories of the ups and downs, the tears, the disappointments and the broken promises. I have watched some of these girls stand beside their 'boo' through court dates, incarceration, hospital stays from gun play or other violence,custody battles, baby mama drama etc. I wonder if the perpetuation of ghetto love is worth the high stakes and the high cost? Should a woman pine and chase after a man? Is it even right??? I see that recently almost all the black reality shows glorify these type of 'relationships' and I use that term liberally.Strategically, they showcase black women in place as the baby mama,ex, live in girlfriend,and longtime boo. They chronicle the drama and the struggle of the ghetto relationship, and I wonder why a young beautiful black girl with no baggage of her own would even desire something as unhealthy as what is shown? I wonder if subconsciously we as women of color don't believe that we deserve a more traditional relationship that includes: stability, acknowledgement and commitment. I wonder if we feel like having a family that shares the same name and lives and grows with each other is outdated. Not to ever say that the traditional model is without its problems.. but I'm often disgusted at how many of my beautiful black peers subject themselves to futures marred by drama caused by someone hardly worthy of the attention. I personally know women that have stayed with men for years without any type of commitment or acknowledgement. I have watched, in awe as some of these girls begin the journey of parenthood with these same men, that often have many other children that they may not even be able to support. I suppose my mentality is different because I often choose to judge a book by it cover, although that is not popular among my peers. I would never take chances with someone who has demonstrated in the past the type of behaviors like the ones I describe. I wonder if it is exciting, yet it still merits asking at what cost and embarrassment? Seems to me that the exhilaration of a bad boy is far more costly than its worth.... What do you think?

Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Clock Is Ticking....... On The American Dream

As I watch my peers on Facebook scramble to settle down, have children (if they don't already have them outside of wedlock), and buy houses, I wonder why the rush.. why the hurry, why the facade? I look into the happily promoted engagement pictures, wedding pictures, pictures of houses, cars etc.... and wonder why the immense pressure to fit into a mold we call the 'American Dream'. A very flawed mold... that can't possibly be intended for everyone. Even some of us that try to fit it have witnessed the toll and deception of it in our very own families, just as I know some of the lies of those on Facebook. I know what goes on behind some of their closed doors, which often is a stark difference between what is exposed to the public The truth of the matter is that we can't have everything operating at a perfect level at all times, and that is completely natural. Some marriages are not happy... and not all childhood's are fun and exciting. Some smiling couples struggle in their homes, deal with loss or sickness. These are the parts the American Dream fails to chronicle.The struggle, the loss, the disappointments, the discrepancies, and the lies. I wonder why it is so difficult for some to expose the truth in their lives, as we know that there is nothing new under the sun.. that every situation has been encountered before.. that we are not the only ones to encounter them. I long for a community that is transparent simply to be a resource for those that suffer in silence. I read an article about a young girl that was trying to encourage and promote black women to be more confident. The girl, 22, battled depression herself, likely from the same source. Recently she committed suicide, and I wondered to myself...If that girl had not felt so alone in her journey, how she may have been able to press through the lonely nights.. the tears. If she would have not felt so overwhelmed by the fear of the future... wondering if her life would indeed improve.. would she been able to continue on. It is my sheer belief in my own life that I am purposed. I don't always agree with it, nor can I rationalize it... but I don't not waiver on that very fact. It is my bread and butter... and what moves me from day to day. I know I am not the only person to walk this path.... and that comforts me. I see no need to pretend to be something that I'm not.. I see no need to clamor to the same failed practices that have hindered the ones before me... I believe in becoming my own American dream which may not be typical.. by defining and decoding truth... in that, I find my solace.

Friday, April 18, 2014

I've Just Uploaded My YouTube Channel Trailer!!!

                                                      Let me know what you think!!! :-D 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Making Quick Money V.S. Integrity

The so-called power of the "almighty" dollar
In Columbus Ohio there is a well known accident attorney that goes by the name of Kevin Kurgis. All over town he has billboards, runs commercial and advertises in local newspapers. He has made a fortune from his pursuits, and for some that is simply the goal in life. However, Kevin is not respected in the legal community. He has been labeled an 'ambulance chaser' instead of an contributing, ethical officer of the courts. Thinking about the perception of Mr. Kurgis lead me to another question, as I contemplate the direction of my future. What is more valuable? The money or the integrity?
With me being the magnetic person I am, I know very well that I can be convincing.. I can move people, motivate people, and with that ability must come integrity. Otherwise, I could mislead or hurt the people attracted to me. I do realize that for many, the obtaining, is the goal. Threaded throughout American history many moguls have capitalized on gullible masses, and have made fortunes that have transcended generations, but to me.... its not worth it if it is not gained the right way. Because although in the case of Mr. Kurgis, for instance, he attended school, passed his bar exam and became a wealthy lawyer,but in the process he has lost the respect of his peers. He might as well be comparable to someone who won the lottery or was gifted an large-able sum. Without integrity its all for naught, if you are a person in which that matters to you. If you are someone who desires to be admired or respected... scheming your way to the top will never be a good fit for you.
Recently I was approached to sell life insurance, and the more I thought about it, the more uneasy I was about the whole concept. I don't want to be the fast-talking-leaving-out-details type of person. I want to always operate with character no matter what. Both when people are looking and when they are not.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

You May Be Forced To Do It Alone

I had a profound conversation with one of my closest friends the other day and we began to discuss this topic. We discussed that for many things especially pursuing dreams and accomplishments, you will find that you will be at them alone, and that you will have to find the courage to stand strong while you are alone. Unfortunately, I have spent many pivotal moments alone. I have loved alone. Cried alone, and most often traveled alone. At times I have been forced to realized that no one besides me wanted to see the things I wanted to see, come to pass. As a result, I have become extremely aggressive in pursuing the things I want. Although I am young, I'm using each day to close in on my bucket list. I have found with an elevated sense of determination I can do the things I have always dreamed of. It's a daunting feeling to think that in some thing's you will walk alone, but I hope it is comforting to know that you are not the only person in this position, and not the only one bold enough to set out to do whatever it is that they say they will do. I'm proof that you can do this because I'm doing this. Also you must always know that God is with you..... He will never desert you even though he is not human and physically there.Also remember that all the great leaders and innovators of our time always reached a moment where they too had to proceed alone, don't ever fear it because you are fearfully and wonderfully made.Those of us who are called are built for this.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

My London Trip: Synopsis

Coming to London has been a phenomenal experience. I learned so many things about myself since I been here that I would have not have been clear on until I took this trip. I'm thankful that God has giving me the tenacity to go after my dreams, and seeing a different culture and way of life allows me to pursue a future that more closely aligns with what I actually want. I learned how much I love order as the Londoners are extremely orderly. I love the structure and efficiency that the British operate with. It amazes with with a population between eight to ten million how smoothly everything works and it is because of a mutual understanding and consideration of their surrounding countrymen and community. I love their sense of pride in all things British. We greatly lack a communal identity as Americans because of the extreme individualistic nature of our country. We have too many voices and not enough consensus. Unlike the popular mentality floating around in the U.S, I like community... I like considerate people.... I want a government that has conviction and works for the overall quality of life for its constituents. So in many ways, coming here and seeing others like me, made me realize that I am indeed not crazy or alone in being concerned about the success of the future. England has done a tremendous job with utilizing and containing its resources, which paralleled with our country makes perfect sense. Currently the British Pound is stronger than the dollar, when approached with consolidating it with the rest of Europe to put in in circulation with the Euro, they refused. They have strategic measures to keep the wealth contained within the country and even parameters on how lottery winnings are spent (in regards to it leaving the country). Whereas the U.S wastefully uses our resources worldwide, over extends our military and outsources jobs. How can one be strong if he constantly concerns himself with everyone else besides his own home and country? To me this was the biggest lesson of all for me. I took the comparisons of the two countries, the way they operate and the correlation of how it applies to me. I realize the my country was founded on rebels that fled England because of the parameters that were set upon them... However now in the long run we see how successful that mentality has been. In the long run, I have discovered that being wise may be difficult for the masses to digest, but it is better. It takes a certain person to stand and make the tough choices that will not only make a country strong but will make an individual strong. Before I had the pleasure of coming here, and I would kindly like to reinforce that coming took many steps as well as standing up against factors that had me question the whole trip in the first place, I felt absolutely alone in my mentality. I felt crazy at times for longing for the type of environment that I found here in England. However, I do realize I was on vacation, and a vacation experience is different than a living here-working here experience. I have been so empowered by learning that I am not alone, and seeing how in the long run, an ordered, disciplined lifestyle leads to success as one in the states might question based on all the discord and mixed media we are exposed too. In closing.. I know that a rebel's lifestyle looks fun and exciting, but look at the fruit of a rebel's actions. At the end of the day, we all live together which be hooves us to become as efficient as possible at making that co existence work. I have seen it in action... I know that a better life is possible, and I will work as hard as I can to bring it in fruition in my life.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

London Finale: The Helicopter Ride


Friday, April 4, 2014

My Mentor Is in The Mirror ; Making Something Out Of Nothing

I have searched. I have looked.. I have hoped. I have asked God repeatedly for someone to lead me and guide me here on earth.. but I have come to realize, that in my case My Mentor is in the mirror; Making something out of nothing. I have come to the conclusion that for some of us, we are not provided a blueprint to follow and this requires us forging our way through. Can I be honest and tell you that at this point, children are not a forethought? Is it alright to admit... I'm unsure about the large responsibility. Can I confide that I wonder about my body, and my looks, the impact it will have on my husband, just to name a few concerns.Can I share that I desire to travel the world, and that upcoming trips provide me great motivation.To know that in going some places, I represent the only member of my family to do so.Although many of my friends are clamoring to buy houses, can I admit that I have no interest in owning a home or taking out a mortgage. After seeing the good bad and the ugly of all that comes with home ownership... Its a commitment I rather not make.Sooooo as you can see, I'm not on the popular bandwagon.... I don't want to do the things everyone else wants to do.... I want to do new things. I believe that I can also motivate others that may not be typical.. that have the desire to seek more than the routine pathway that many settle on. WE ARE NOT ALL THE SAME.... MOST ARE FOLLOWERS..... BUT I AM MEANT TO LEAD TO INSPIRE OTHERS TO THEIR DREAMS. IF I CAN BREAK THE MOLD SO CAN YOU!!!!! ......

Thursday, April 3, 2014

London Day #4 : The Unbeaten Path; Thrifting In London

Aside front the popular things to do in London I was curious about what ordinary Londoners do. Today I decided to go thrifting.... Check out the video below :-)


Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Feeling Regal: London day #3 Buckingham Palace

Today I set out for another major landmark that I have spent a lifetime dying to see and it was much more than I could have ever imagined. I also happened upon an off duty local historian that walked around with me and told me the history. In general the British have been incredibly helpful during this journey. Everything about this country screams consciousness from the nature of their media, which promotes healthy living, family and community to the politeness and subtle applications of ways of life that makes the entire environment comfortable for everyone such as signs for tube (subways) riders to stand on the right had side of the escalators to allow for people in a rush to be able to pass freely on the left. The community adheres to the promotion of such things which makes me long for deep reform in my own country in which we would learn the importance of caring for one another. Once I left the Green Park station which is named after the massive royal park that borders the palace and the surrounding government buildings, I instantly felt the relaxed vibe in the area. It was quiet and calm, and made me want to spend the entire afternoon there.   


Overall, the experience was so great and I'm really happy to have come here. This trip far exceeds my expectations.... Now because my blog is primarily geared towards women of color, I can not exclude the fact that London is a very diverse place in which women of all colors are highly respected and desired. Throughout my journeys around town, I have noticed several British or Irish men staring and smiling at me (which would never happen openly in the states) also I have noticed the high presence of black women in the media via commercials and programming. Often they are portrayed as intelligent, educated women,and even in a few roles the black women will even be married to white British men. Impressive considering the stark difference of the reputation the black American women have to fight against in the states. Single women of color... This may be an ideal place to find a sexy, sophisticated, worldly mate :-) #BroadenYouHorizons.             

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

London Day #2: Big Ben &Oxford Street

Everyday here is more and more exciting than the last. Today I got to see Big Ben in person and it was absolutely breathtaking to see it through my own eyes. I also ventured to London's shopping district located on Oxford Street. The have just about every shop you can imagine to suit any budget you are working with, whether you want to spend top dollar at Burberry or grab something trendy at Topshop. Also souvenir shops and eateries. I also rode a red double decker bus to get an above street level view. Overall, a very exhilarating experience today.