Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Spiritual Maturity for Leaders

From a very young age, I learned quickly that I could not always do what others did. I was often punished harder, reprimanded more frequently and pushed to the forefront relentlessly.From childhood to young adulthood, I would constantly search for the loophole.. actually desiring to get away with scandals like what seemed 'everyone' else was doing. When I finally accepted that I was different, I was in college, however, instead of embracing it, I retreated into the shadows in order to avoid the punishment, expectations and responsibilities. However like other reluctant leaders in the Bible, God still pursued me, and never allowed me to trade my gifts. Dressed in a very handsome package, a young man I was dating was used to drawn me back to church after a few years hiatus. Immediately it began once I was back in the church, but by this time I was so weary of fighting to Lord. I decided to allow him to use me for the kingdom. This choice is what I call spiritual maturity. Its when you either get tired of fighting God or you realize you can't win, so you make choices based on God's overall plan for you, instead of what you may want. I have found that God will especially test me in the area of pleasure vs purpose. He will allow certain things or people to cross my path, and wait for my choice. If I make the wrong one, I am almost immediately reprimanded. The Lord knows my heart on some issues and wants me to become even more strong in these areas. Many critical areas of my life such as my career and marriage are purpose driven.. sometimes they are more work than pleasure, when I would certainly prefer more pleasure. However, I know the Lord is working in my life, so I must endure the process. This message is to strengthen the other leaders that may be frustrated by the challenging situations our Lord presents us with. Sometimes you may want to throw in the towel and assimilate into the worlds wayward ways, but I would tell you that beautiful things always take time to cultivate.. more likely if it is part of your divine purpose.. it will be hard. Not only are we responsible for our own fate, but we are Christian ambassadors in the public. If we choose to ignore our purpose, we put others fate in jeopardy. When you find yourself engaged in a battle in which you cant decide between what you want to do, and what you know is right, I would encourage you to draw closer to the Lord and study his word. There are countless examples of people in the Bible that had to make the tough choices to serve the Lord. First example that comes to mind is Abraham and his son Issac.. So Abraham loves this boy... it is his only son, and he waited years to even receive Issac from the Lord. One day the Lord commands Abraham to sacrifice the boy, and by all means Abraham is prepared to do it, but at the last moment, God spares Issac and sends an animal to take his place as a sacrifice. Now I can only imagine what Abraham was thinking upon this extreme request, but he proceeded in spite of his fear, and for his faith, he was rewarded. I will certainly concede that forgoing pleasure is difficult, undesirable and confusing. Everything around us promotes pleasure.. It communicates that we can do whatever we want, without any consequence.. and in all honesty... every person knows that is impossible; that everything has a cost..... I charge the leaders that struggle in the area of spiritual maturity to do more, be more, and be better... so many lives are a stake in a dying world. Consider the temporariness of this life, we have all eternity to experience pleasures without any pain.. can you imagine????

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Bait and Switch

over pillow talk with my husband, this concept was raised. It is the classic 'Bait and Switch' trick, in which a predator stalks its prey with the prey's desired bait, and once the predator has the prey in a compromising situation, he or she will change the bait, trapping or killing the prey. The term is used in hunting, but very much applies to human relationships, More commonly, women are the culprits. They dress well, keep their hair fixed, cook and clean to attract a man. Sexually, they are adventurous and alluring, willing to go to great lengths to seduce the man into commitment. Some women go as far as to attempt to 'trap' a man with an unwanted child (as we know, this method is highly unpromising.) or keep the truth from the man (prey) until they feel comfortable enough to spring it on him. However, it also works the opposite. Men buy fancy cars , houses and build an impressive body. They take the high class woman to nice dinners and sip wine together. Maybe even wealthy men will offer to take the woman for travel and buy beautiful expensive gifts.... Now all these things are considered the bait. The pursued person begins to cultivate certain tastes based on the impression that the predator has so cunningly provided. Unfortunately, once the prey has been accounted for, the predator begins to change up the routine, and slowly but surely the prey figures that they have deluded.
My take on it......
Although this foolishness is common, it is so dangerous and deceiving. I would highly encouraged both (predator & prey) to be cautious about using bait and switch.. If you find that you fit more into the predator role... Beware. What goes around comes around, make no mistake. And for the prey.. do your homework.. If it seems too good... it probably is. 
- People can be seriously hurt.. by expecting one thing, and actually getting something else entirely....
- Pursuing someone out of your league will be hard to maintain... they will expect to receive the established treatment consistently.
- You risk the chance of losing everything when you true motives are revealed.
- The prey may resent you for tricking them.

The moral of the story is it is always more beneficial to just be yourself and pursue/attract someone on the same level to allow proper relationship & longevity. If you wouldn't like to attract someone exactly like you, then you have some improvements before you. Our Bible warns the Christian not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.... and the reason is, because such relationships can be so draining to the stronger partner.. Avoid all that drama by being wise!!!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Right Of Passage

"Why is it that we praise women for leaving their husbands... like it is a right of passage.. Tom was not abusive to her.. she is doing no great thing by breaking up her family.... She is not courageous for taking off her ring... and if she appears to be strong... just wait for the breakdown...... it is the result of not properly expressing your feelings.. If you are proud to be getting a divorce you are a sad individual.. IT IS A SHAME."

The above quote is mine from a cyber discussion about the divorce of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes which sparked much discussion. Unfortunatly I feel that there is too much shine given to divorce and those that initiate it. Instead of working collectively to get to the root of the problem, we search out the quick fix... and I can tell you all these things from example. Being married and merging two lifestyles is no easy feat. Leaving your spouse is the easy way out. With the exception of infidelity, drug use or true physical & emotional abuse.... Most areas can be addressed. In the case of Tom and Katie, they are celebrities that spend much time apart, What did they gander would happen? Everyday couples that dont prioritize each other will experience problems; all the more big celebrities that have all the access in the world to the finer things... The truth of the matter is, Marriage is work and the beauty of it is a process and takes time to cultivate. Our culture wants immediate gratification, and it is killing us.. because that very expectation is impossible and unhealthy. Women, I would encourage you to always see the bigger picture in all things. Husbands are not growing on trees out here... Why would you toss one before even allowing him to change. If you have given your all and he still refuses, you can rest easy that you did not just walk away from a situation that could have been turned around. I encourage you to pray and draw close to the Lord. If your marriage is God's will.. then he certainly can help you maintain it.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013


As I overheard someone's synopsis of me, my insides felt so uneasy. True, I have the look of someone put together. Some might look at my marriage and think it bliss... but I know the more realistic truth, and that is, that some appearances can be so deceiving. Unfortunately for me, I happen to be a very strong serious person who seeks resolution and truth all the time. This gives the common impression that i am without problems.. However the truth of the matter is, I cry sometimes... have even had crazy suicidal thoughts once or twice, have had extremely difficult times in my marriage, and am constantly put to the test on my job. I suppose your exterior can work for or against you. I have found it that weak or uneducated women, get the most care and empathy, whereas, the sophisticates are told to grin and bear it. I have always believed by showing myself capable that others with the same capability would be drawn to it. Its a shame how appearances can be so misleading. Inside, I need confidence too... I loved to be loved and appreciated.. I'm a 'little things' girl, yet.... because I'm strong, my needs are overlooked. People simply come to draw on my strengths and they don't replenish. Its frustrating... I have found many women and men are experiencing the same issue, and I would just encourage you to not lose yourself in the confusion. It certainly will be hurtful when some assume untruths about you, based on what they see... but you can not lose heart... Be strong.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Either Or; Or Both

So I have heard the comment many times about the way I dress.. or how some didn't "know" I was cool at first sight, how they thought i might be stuck up, and or the surprise that I am as well a very bold Christian. Also from the gents, I been told I was too serious or very intelligent ( I assume something they didn't imagine coming in addition to beauty) or as of late.... "Where have you been all my life? I would tastefully like to answer all the questions in one very succinct post. Firstly, the way i dress is avant garde, sexy and put together... This is where the title of this post comes in.... because i have always wanted to be both.... not either or. I have always wanted to be sexy, well dressed & intelligent. I never felt that i should have to pick.. and that the blend would make me overall very attractive. Boy!! Was i wrong, over the years i have intimidated or attracted the wrong people all together. Usually woman ( terribly unfortunate) come in one package or the other... either they are smart or pretty.. My blending has people so twisted about who I am, lol. However, I will not change to suit my environment, i still want to be all things.. lol. Perhaps some can use it as an example, that a woman can encompass many things... not just either or. Next, I would like to uncover the "I didn't know you were so cool; thought you would be stuck up myth". Now in this instance, this is a total emotional indicator of the person who is having it... Either you are insecure or delusional because you make synopsis about things before you can assess them properly. Looking at me and hearing me speak may give you such impressions that I'm sophisticated and educated, but this does not necessarily mean that I'm arrogant! It simply speaks to my upbringing & my schooling. Surprisingly, Im very down to earth.. because although Im an unusual blend, I dont feel like it makes me better than the next guy; I may as well just be more different than the next guy. I am confident, make no mistake.. but this should not be perceived as arrogance. I do not have artificial pride, my confidence comes from the fact that I do what I say, and that I am who I am.. Arrogant people often make a mountain out of a mole hill or puff them selves up over things they never did or never will do, therefore, by definition.... I can't fit into that box... lol. Next but certainly not least. I AM a bold Christian... and I share that wherever I go. I will not shut up or tame it because people dont want to hear it or be judged. The Gospel of Jesus is meant to be shared... we are living in a dying world, If those with the knowledge and the power dont spread it..... what will become of our future? Our kids??? Sometimes I think that people have a subliminal stereotype of what a Christian woman should be or look like, however it would be in our interest if modern Christians looked more like you and I. Real people that enjoy real lives.. sharing the gospel in a real way.. that equates to real changes. And now my P.S.A (Public service announcement) to all the guys that are flooding my life and asking me where i have been... conveniently after I've married.... I've been here.... and was very single for many years.... lol I find it too ironic that so many very attractive, eligible guys are coming into my life at this point, but when I was single.. it was like I was in a barren dessert.. lol. It is obvious that the enemy is trying to seduce me in this manner, and I just keep the faith that my Lord has made me victorious in all my battles, as long as I believe that he can do so.

In closing:
I would encourage woman that may be experiencing the same types of things to hold fast and not change to fit the environment. If you are different, it is because God has a purpose for your unique attributes. If you find that you never fit in.. it is because you are not designed too. Draw near to the Lord in prayer and study, to seek out your purpose.

once you determine the area of battle in your spiritual life (Homosexuality, lying, lust, hate,greed) you have an advantage in the battle. It is now time to devise a strategy to make you victorious in these things.


As I woke up this morning, I prayed for my house and my mind before I go out into our crazy world, and it raised the thought, "Why do we live in such a reactive culture, why haven't we learned to be proactive?" Our Bible warns us of the behavior popular in our society in Proverbs 22:3" A Wise man sees the danger before him and avoids it, but the foolish continue on, and are punished" As I look at the behavior of our country in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombings, I wonder when we will learn to turn to God before tragedy strikes instead of in the wake, and then blame our God. For your information, Massachusetts was the very first state to allow homosexual marriage, they were anxious to do their own will and push God right out.... So I think of how oxymoronic it is to now call on the Lord. You see, Once you push God out of your midst, you welcome everything else in, and forgo your protection..... I believe that we should be accountable for our actions, and I believe that we should invite our Lord into our homes, lives, schools and minds to constantly keep us safe from evil. The young men that committed the horrible acts could have been turned away from such behaviors by having the Lord relegate their minds. Every person has unclean thoughts and even desires at times, but for the Christian, thankfully, our God teaches us and provides us the ability to bring such things into captivity. Although everything around us teaches us to react on our every wild whim, our Lord shows us victory from such bondages.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013


So, At the top of the year, I set many ongoing goals for myself to maintain. More prayer, exercise, and learning. Some items on my list of thirty were easily to accomplish, others I have struggled with, however I am determined to adhere to it as much as possible throughout the duration of this year. This post is about the gratification of sticking to your goals and seeing results. as I have mentioned in previous posts, another goal I set was to disconnect from Facebook for 6 months. This is no minor feat as formally I was spending 2 hours + on it everyday after work. However now four months into the fast, not going to the website has become second nature. I also feel relief from the negative edge of social media. The aspect that when you are not in agreeance with various subject matters, how you are attacked instead of respected for different perspectives. I also don't miss some people putting on a false image and projecting an unrealistic lifestyle. To be honest, I do miss the convienence of being able to reach almost anyone quickly sometimes, but I think once my fast is over (which is on my 30th birthday, June 26) I will limit my usage. The overload had me quite frustrated, but it can be a great tool if used with responsibility. Another goal that I have been scratching at was weight loss and exercise. I don't mind working out, I actually love it, However changing my eating habits and learning to prepare beforehand was quite the adjustment. I started the year at a staggering 226lbs (which is alot for my 5'4 frame, although curvy) I began taking supplements with my workouts (which I strive to have 5 times a week with at least 40 min of energetic cardio) and only began to tone.
"I got frustrated that I wasn't seeing noticeable changes in how my clothing was fitting and fell off for a few weeks until I saw a picture of myself about a month ago. I realized that my goal date, which is also my birthday, was fast approaching, and I still was not headed in the right direction."
I knew that if I didnt make it a priority, that I could forget about making the goal. The very next day I went to *wince* Walmart (which I try to avoid at all costs) to get food to pack my lunch. I put in place a plan to combat my biggest challenge, which was eating out. When I get hungry.. I just want to eat, and if healthy options arent already prepared, I will get something unhealthy. I began to pack my lunch with fruits,vegtables and salads over the pizza, fried chicken sandwhiches and various take out options I used to get. I traded sugary drinks for water and sparkling juices. I increased my cardio not by time, but by distance. Now, exactly a month from when I got serious, Im at 218 and confident about reaching my 20lb goal by my birthday :-D And dont worry.. there will be a flurry of new pictures for you to see!

Monday, April 15, 2013


This morning, I woke up in a plush comfy bed, showered & dressed in nice clothing, jumped in my reliable car, drove to my cushy job, and took a step back to assess my life. Although, I definitely have goals that I press towards and I want more, I rejoice in the things that I already have been blessed with. My Pastor, Jeff Haygood of www.livingwordcolumbus.org, made a gorgeous illustration this weekend about the difference between the nature of things that are good and bad for you. For instance, he used the first time someone might take a drink or smoke crack. Inevitably, the first time is pleasurable, otherwise people wouldnt go back and try it again, if they didnt enjoy it. But if not curtailed as you continue to enjoy them, they slowly destroy you. When you first started smoking crack, you had a nice house, apperance, mate and job. A year later, you have lost most if not all of those things. However, usually the right pathway will not seem natural to you. It might be difficult to stop using profanity or drinking and smoking. It's certainly not easy to turn the other cheek when your spouse or a co-worker pushes your buttons. Ordering your steps is an action that may take some time to get used to and or even experience the benefits for. I mean, for instance, learning to save for your future and discipling yourself through your adulthood is not easy, but being a senior citizen without savings or a support system is worse. Such will require you to become proactive in planning before you arrive at certain situations in life, and not being prepared. This morning, I was just so thankful for having what i have, even though somethings in my life keep me working and progressing forward ( which is not always comfortable) I realize that they are working together for my future.

Sunday, April 14, 2013


So... today I would probably say was the first really bad day I have had in a few months.. I cried, I contemplated, and then I collaborated with some good friends, and danced the night away back into happiness, However it raised in my thoughts how some people experience horrible days like the one i had, and make a permanent decision based off temporary circumstances. Such examples are, yet not limited too :Suicide, Murder, Divorce, Violence, Revenge, Harsh words, Relationship damaging behavior.... I think about how in the end the day was made bearable, and how tomorrow will be a fresh day. I thank God for the wisdom to understand that "and this too shall pass" & "but our light affliction is but for a moment". I encourage anyone reading this that is contemplating any of the reactions I mentioned above, to breath and assess. Give your decision the adequate consideration, and when you are angry and hurt, it is not the best time to makes such pivotal choices. Also are you prepared to meet you maker? Because committing suicide is a fast track to judgement. I often think what the Lord reaction is to such, or how you attempt to explain that you were lonely, upset or being bullied into choosing to end your life before he decided to do it naturally. Also, "revenge is the Lord's". Are you spiteful or always keeping score of who did what to you? If so, you will have to let go of the reins and let our Lord handle the process of sowing and reaping, Make no mistake, "God is not mocked". Even if we don't have the ability to see someone be repaid for their ill will... we know our Lord is just and true. Divorce often needs a second look. In many cases pride and selfishness pave a way to this last resort. Contrary to what our media portrays, Marriage is extremely hard and it requires a high level of commitment to maintain. Which encompasses suffering, compromise, love, temptations, frustrations, misunderstandings, and lack in certain areas. A married person has to truly be selfless and cognizant of their spouse. It cant be trying. Harsh words can ruin a friendship or ruin your spouses ego... Be careful to hold your tongue if you are too raw.. because just like in the childhood game of tag... there are no take backs.
As Always, I promote diligent decisions making ability. Take you time, watch, look and pray. God can certainly provide wisdom and direction for tough choices.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Burden of Leadership

This article is only for the leaders. If you are a follower you may not understand.. but for my Christian warriors out there, day by day, on the grind, fighting the forces of evil in our lives and in our world… This one is for you. Some days you may wake up feeling at odds, feeling wasted, wondering why you can’t float along in life ignorance and be unaccountable like what seems to be the “V.M (or  the vast majority as my sister and I coined it)”, wondering why God directed your path in the direction that it is, why you are surrounded by ‘unreasonable’ (which our Bible warns us that we will wrestle with) people. The whole concept is heavy and worrisome, and I’m sure every true leader reading this has had a moment when they wanted to stop the war and go along with the program just to stop the friction. I’d like to offer you some comfort from the word of God as well as a story of a Christian warrior Elijah. First, some words of encouragement :
“Do not fear them, for the LORD your God is the one fighting for you” Deut 3:22.
“Am I a God who is near, declares the Lord, and not a God far off” Jer 23:23
“The eyes of the Lord are in every place” Proverbs 15:3
“Certainly I will be with you” Exo 3:12
“No man will be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I have been with Moses, I will be with you; I will not fail or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5
“And lo, I am with you always, even to the end of age” Matt 28:20
Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand” Isaiah 41:10
Now some words of boldness:
“And the Lord said to Paul in the night by a vision, ‘Do not be afraid any longer, but go on speaking and do not be silent; for I am with you, and no man will attack you in order to harm you, for I have many people in this city’” (Acts 18:9-10).
Be on guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be courageous. Be strong. 1 Corinthians 16:13

The wicked run away when no one is chasing them,
but the godly are as bold as lions
.Proverbs 28:1

Now I do know that it feels very lonesome when you are in a chosen position and perhaps you are afraid or contrary. You may not even be able to find solace in your friends or family. However, I want to remind you that our Lord has placed us here for purpose, and that he never gives us a task too great. Whatever he has instructed us to do, we are more than equipped to handle it. I will close with a reminder of the prophet Elijah. Elijah was a prophet that was bold enough to question the powers of the false god Baal. He also prophesied the deaths of Ahab's & Jezebels prophets. For fear of his life, he fled to a cave. God came to him and asked why he was hiding, and Elijah replied that he was the only one left. The Lord kindly reinforced in 1 Kings19:18 " Yet I have left me seven thousand in Israel, all the knees which have not bowed unto Baal, and every mouth which hath not kissed him"

We are not alone in this fight... not everyone has surrendered to the modren day 'Baal', neither should you! 
Go Fight the good fight!!!


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Today; Tomorrow

As I surfed the net, reading various articles. It sparked a thought. Do most people not understand the concept of sow and reap…. That today lays the foundation for tomorrow? Our culture is in the habit of defacing their bodies, partying, living life on the edge, and is on the cusp of allowing legal widespread homosexuality in our country. Do my peers not realize we set the tone of the whole world? Asia, Africa and Europe all mimic the model of the U.S. Or at least they used too…lol. For instance, you do not graduate from college by going to school one day… You have to continue to go to school for years, maintain your grades, pay the tuition costs or you will not receive a degree. Those that spend their days focusing on their lack of money or time to go to school never receive a degree…. And then the inevitable day comes when the student becomes a graduate, and the friend has an epiphany that he or she could have done the same, with the same amount of time… and its daunting. Sadly, that is the direction we are heading. I encourage you to evaluate your decisions more carefully. Envision your life as you would like it, and then devise a plan to get to the endpoint. If you have a role model, spend time with them if you can or research them if they are beyond your reach to understand the foundation they laid in their life. Now I know… it is much more attractive to focus on your day by day reality.. and not worry about tomorrow, but it is very unwise. Because time flies.. as we all know. Before you know it, you may find yourself further and further away from your dream. Unfortunately, the Yolo or the day by day approach does not lead you to a positive end most times… it leads you to a place of regret, unhappiness and depression. So….. I say all these things to say, consider that youth is fleeting. Be as wise as you can. Take time making decisions and prepare for tomorrow. Have you ever noticed that no one that prepares for the future ever complains about it? It is only those that were unprepared. Such is also illustrated in our Bible in Matt 25 1-13. It is a parable about ten virgins waiting for a groom to come sometime in the night. Five of the women were prepared, keeping oil in their lanterns. The other five were not wise and waited until the last minute to scramble for oil. As a result the five were not able to go to the reception, in which a bride would be selected.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Consider your ways.

Burning Lust, but at what cost?

For every worldly, crafty, intellectual woman married to a regular guy, I would highly recommend Tyler Perry’s new movie Temptation. Often times our media and society brings to the surface the struggles of the married man and neglects the struggles of the married woman. As a woman, most of us understand the unwritten code of “Keep your man pleased, or someone else will”. However there are more and more women finding themselves on the other side of the coin. In which they work hard to keep their husband pleased, while he neglects them sexually or emotionally, putting them in an difficult spot. 
Love or Lust? You must choose.
 Coupled with an environment where many black women are single and thirsty…  the only advice a woman continually gets is “Girl, he is a good man” and “Good men are hard to find”. Honestly until now, I have felt this issue has been silent, and wives everywhere are suffering. If you are in a similar situation as the one described, this movie will help you to consider your ways, as our Bible warns us too (Haggai 1:7 Thus saith the Lord of hosts; Consider your ways). What is stressed in the movie is what I like to call ‘The Passion vs. The Provider complex’. The Passion will offer you fantasy and nothing tangible while The Provider will demonstrate love over making you feel love. What you may not know is that after you get married, even as a woman, you will be tempted. Perhaps an old love will come back around with renewed interest, or a co-worker will notice when you paint your nails or fix your hair. Meanwhile you come home to a mate who may be temperamental, emotional, easily stressed and seemingly disinterested.
The Provider will certainly love you, but may not always show it.
 The easy solution would be finding a filler for the passionate connection you lack with your husband, however for the Christian, this presents another challenge. You have already committed to God that you will care for your mate under any circumstances, for the rest of your life. You risk repercussions from not treating your spouse right even though you feel that they are neglecting your needs. As married Christians we are charged with the responsibility to love our spouse as “Christ loved the church”.
Some pointers to dispelling this myth:
1)      Realize that no person will be perfect
2)      Count up the costs: $The cost of cheating, $being found out, $losing your mate, $unwanted pregnancy or disease, $having to explain, $divorce, $public embarrassment, $judgment from God ,$lost trust,$ your children learning the truth now or later etc….
3)      Humble yourself….. Who are you that you deserve all your needs met at all times? Perhaps you could possibly be being selfish.
4)      Communicate and work collectively with your mate to create a better environment for love and intimacy.
5)      See Temptation
Just as Eve was tempted so will we be Ladies. Let us be wise and stay fervent in prayer.