Wednesday, June 26, 2013

To Love... or not at all?

Some people never meet the one, and others meet several.... and it made me pose the question.. If by chance you happen to fall in love with someone that you are unable to cultivate a relationship with.... it is better to have experienced such passion.. or better to have never have it in the first place? I would opt to never have tasted it at all. It creates a unrealistic expectation for me... so if I can't have it, there is no need. Some believe in variety, and I do too when it comes to food or new shoes, but not in regard to love. In our culture, there is too much encouragement to date around, sleep around, and experience many different people. This mentality is dangerous, and sets the foundation for relationship issues in the future. It is inevitable that you will always default to comparison to the things or people you cherish the most. With that being said, it is possible for you to find love and passion with someone that you should have never entertained in the first place.... now becoming your unrealistic standard for relationships. Many women end up moving on from the love of their life due to lack of commitment, only to begin relationships with good guys that get compared to the ones before them. In this case the good guy ends up getting held to an unfair standard, and the girl feels like she missed out. So the moral to the story.. is be cautious who you give your heart and your body  too.... If there is a slim chance that it will have longevity, avoid it, to protect you in the long run......

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Secret Disobedience

There are some things that are visibly wrong... but the most damaging of our bad habits are the secret ones.... We may be able conceal them for a time, but they usually consume us... and then embarrass us, royally. I'm talking about: Unwanted pregnancy, Illicit affairs, criminal activity,obesity, financial problems, unruly children and the other types of behaviors and situations that we hide, but are obvious once revealed. Some things that we do.. escalate themselves... such as unwanted pregnancies and obesity. The root of these two things in particular is lust and greed. Perhaps sex for you is a release and helps you medicate your problems.. but if not tamed as a woman.... it will began to show on you... Several children by different men, but no commitment..... Continually putting yourself in a more difficult position in life.. as you acquire baggage from your lust..... Perhaps food is comforting for you.... and regularly you skip the apple for the ice cream. You know in your heart you should exercise, but you rather snack in front of the television. You hate the way your clothing fits or your size, but after all there are bigger people in the world.... You pacify your bad behavior by comparison and delusion. "Well, one bag of chips wont hurt..." very true statement... but one bag of chips everyday for a year will contribute to an unhealthy, unhappy lifestyle. I believe in some ways obesity has to do with self indulgence.. Perhaps we can lie to people around us.. but our appearance doesn't lie.... All these thoughts were floating around in my head this morning....as i contemplated how we live... and all the secrets we keep from one another. The outside is just a facade.The only way to make our reality something we can enjoy, is by being honest about our current reality, and working to improve it......

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Bad Guy (Girl)

Sometimes it is inevitable that friendships/relationships will come to end. Often we hear about the drama, but I would like to discuss another sly hurtful way that some choose to end relationships.... Although rare, there are some people that are mature and sophisticated, and wish to go separate ways without all the drama. Perhaps they honestly state their reasons, ask for forgiveness and hope to move forward with both parties in consensus.... However when one of those parties can't handle the "break-up" they go into the bad/girl guy mode.. in which they wish to villianize the person that they are ending realtionship with. I can't tell you how many times people have tried to tear my character down, just to make themselves more at ease with the ending of our friendship. Nothing makes me more upset than false accusations.. I am not a perfect woman, but I do subscribe to honesty. Even if circumstances are ugly.. I will not shy from them. Which makes it all the more angering when someone makes up their own false reasoning about why you are not who you say you are. I share this as to say..... sometimes relationships run their course... it may not even be the desire or the intention of those involved for it to happen, but learn to be respectful. If you ever loved or cared about someone; discrediting them.. to make yourself feel better is childish & unfair.... Be mature and understand that time and chance happens to everyone and perhaps the conclusion of this relationship is all part of God's mysterious plan for your victory........
~ That is all

Saturday, June 15, 2013

Quality or Quantity?

As I observed many families in a busy super market... I noted many, many women of color with men that looked less than up to par. I noticed women reaching for their wallets when it was time to pay, as the guy looked unconcerned. I wondered what was more important to these women... was it the fact that they had the company of a man, more than the quality of his character, and I wanted to stress the difference between quality and quantity. To be honest, I once dealt with the pressure of being a single black woman.. I dealt with the strange looks, questions, assumptions of my life style. I also dealt with unkind words from guys who didn't meet or accept my expectations... listening to them telling me that I would be single forever and that my expectations were too high. I dealt with unsettling internal worries.... asking myself if my dreams would ever come to pass or if I was destined to be just one of the many black women without a successful, committed relationship. My singleness went on for a while, until I began a whirlwind romance that resulted in a short courtship and eventually marriage. Once married, I considered the cost of this relationship.. and realized that sliding on the rings was only one part of the big picture.. that the nature of marriage was extremely challenging. I understood that I had escalated to a state that many of my peers were anxious to experience, without a full command of it. I would quickly surmise that no matter how long it takes, the quality of a man.. trumps the sheer presence of a man.... I know some woman that married young, and by the time they hit 30, they either were headed for divorce or were simply miserable in their relationships. I have also heard stories of women that married later in their lives, but were fortunate to connect with their soulmate. I would say it is better to spend your life with the one that your soul craves, rather than a filler that wastes your time. I feel that this message needs to be shared, because too many people are settling.. and it comes with a huge cost.... Stay true to yourself.... and reserve your heart for the right one.

Thursday, June 13, 2013

The Gravity Of Parenting

As I reminisced over friends I grew up with and thought over some of their children now..... The gravity of parenting really weighed on my heart. I think that way too many people take shaping someone else's life and world too lightly.... They groom their children for future issues by not properly instructing them. One of my pet peeves is seeing little boys with long hair and clothing mimicking thugs (baggy clothing). Some mother's think its ok to teach their children curse words and aid their every spoiled cry.... This kind of pacifying becomes problematic for the boy once her becomes a young man....however it was introduced to him early in his fundamental stages. Then they go on to be dysfunctional men that plague responsible women..... in many cases this behavior started from the ground up. I believe it natural to think that your home environment is a good one, and in some cases people have a hard time admitting to themselves and others that their home and parents were less than sterling examples. All the more responsibility is put on the parents to make sure they are providing the best possible environment for their kids... it goes beyond buying your kids the latest material things and clothing..... it requires catering to their spiritual and emotional development. As an adult, I came face to face with the high occurrence of dysfunctional, non independent young people, that are struggling to find themselves... therefore gravitating to unhealthy habits and lifestyles.. all because they feel like they are missing something or they want to medicate their pain. Having a strong self identity will prevent you from just doing anything to yourself or your body because you will understand that you have a high wealth. So in closing.. I encourage all the parents out there that may be struggling or frustrated to not take your role in someone else's life without high regard..... you can make or break their future........

Monday, June 10, 2013

Yes, No, Maybe so.......

When we were younger, making choices were as simple as the title... however with age, it seems making some choices are extremely difficult. I for one have never been a hasty one to make life changing decisions.... I am someone that pours over choices.. as if my life depended on it because in my experience... my life DOES depend on it. I don't know if it is good or bad to be like that, because often looking around me, I see that some simply go on a whim, and do whatever is in their heart to do. One valuable option that I have learned over the years... is to simply suspend judgement on some issues.... take a step back, and evaluate your situation. What I have been taught, all my life, is that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy you. He will come in many forms that will have you distracted and you have to have the wisdom to choose wisely. I do believe that everything happens for a reason... and when you are at a crossroads of what you should do and perhaps what you want to do.... you must diligently seek God on the matter. You can consult all the friends & family you want, but if it is you desire to please the Lord with your life... his opinion all that matters. And for those of us in Leadership positions (either job, ministry or within our families) there are grave consequences for not choosing correctly, as well as public embarrassment, hardships, loss of validity and demotion of position. I would encourage anyone on the crux of a hard choice to FERVENTLY chase after the Lord.... until he provides an answer, and pray for a receptive heart to receive his instruction. Trying to go around the Lord, or mold his instruction will only delay your progress.... and if by chance you choose to go agaisnt him, you have now put yourself in the middle of a situation that was never meant for you to be in... At that point, he has no liabilty to protect & provide for you due to your disobedience....... #FoodForThought

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Better? ; Maybe...........

To address something that I hear regularly, but have often been boggled by...... "You think you are better than me".....???????? I would quickly respond, if it truly mattered to me, that no, I wouldn't necessarily say better. Above foolishness? Most definitely. Above immature behavior? Absolutely. Perhaps I make better choices; agreed. However.... I would never say I'm better than you.... that's arrogant and totally untrue. Our character is a combination of our choices and principalities.... As long as we are living, even if we have wronged others, we have a shot at redemption from our Lord. He is merciful, thank the Lord because he loves us. Our life is compiled of our choices.. If you have been on top all of your life, all it takes is one bad choice to offset that... If you don't believe me just ask the countless Pastors, Celebrities and Politicians that got knocked out of their positions for one error in judgement. I realize that the one thing that separates me from anyone else, is the choices that I make.. so in essence, I could never be better than the next guy, just more wise.... and even in that case... if I choose not to exercise correct judgement, I too could find myself at the bottom of the totum pole.....