Monday, March 31, 2014
Sunday, March 30, 2014
Saturday, March 29, 2014
Today was one of those days.... I had words with my husband last night, which prevented a good night's rest. Only to wake up, exhausted, go in to work to be fired, right before my big surprise that will take place tomorrow. It is a surreal experience to no longer have a job that I have day in and day out attended for nearly four years. Although it is no secret that I absolutely hated my job, and the company that I worked for. I wanted to be comfortable... go in work my designated hours and collect a check, never ever trying to exert too much energy. I have always known however, that God expects so much more from me, but doing something outside the box is an uncomfortable concept.... In some strange way I feel relieved from the stressful environment I have chronicled in some of my posts and videos, but this will require me going back into the rat race, playing the role, and making new friends (God forbid, lol) and I'm already dreading the menus-ha. However, I will survive. I will get back on my feet. I will overcome this moment, and I will be ok. What I have long realized is that as long as we have health and sound mind, we are immensely blessed. The importance we place on status,money and material things is overrated, and if we so happy to live through a job loss, breakup, illness, or other misfortune, remember to count your blessings..... cause at the end of the day.. its not that serious, and you can come back over and over again :-)
Sunday, March 23, 2014
Friday, March 21, 2014
Unlike some or the weak black men of the United States that lack confidence, an African man knows his identity.. he knows his place, and aspires to measure up to his potential. From the time he is born, he is celebrated and fussed about. He grows up in a culture that respects and caters too African men and promotes brotherhood among each other. If you are courting with an African man, you must understand this, and provide him the utmost respect. You may also invest time and research to learning about his culture as you develop your relationship. Not that you have to sacrifice your character, but it will make understanding your man much easier. In African cultures, the woman is the backbone of the family, she pulls it together, but the man is the head of the family, just as the Bible has always instructed. I have heard many people talk about how arrogant African men appear to be, however if you understand where he is coming from, you can decode him. I honestly believe that people mistake an African's confidence as arrogance. In many cases foreign men have lived very well abroad and are accustomed to a certain quality of life. This can be defined as lifestyle.
Caring for your man shows him your appreciation. Small things such as serving his meal, complimenting him and his contributions to your family and other small thoughtful gestures stroke him to the core. He may not verbalize it, but it solidifies his manhood. Unlike American men, African men strongly embody the responsibility of their families. You will never see an African man living comfortably while his children go without or his wife is left miserable. You can always be assured that as he holds himself to a high standard, he is well aware that his family is also an extension of himself. He will pursue education tirelessly and work consistently. At his side you will see progress as he shares his blessings with you.
African men love black women, and seek to begin families with one. They love us in a varieties of colors and appreciate our curvy figures. My husband never complains about my looks unlike some extremely critical American guys I have dated in the past that were constantly trying to mold me into something else. Exploits with women outside of their race are not always honored or recognized by their families, and unlike some American men, African men respect their family and desire to please their parents.
From my experience, African men are peaceful, quiet men.They desire to have a harmonious household and will do their part to help. I have never known one to raise their hand or be violent although it is a stereotype I am constantly confronted with. My husband holds in his emotions never ever raising his voice at me when he is frustrated. It requires me meeting him on his level. Naturally being raised here in the United States teaches a woman to be more verbal and assertive. I learned early on not to approach him like this. It got me nowhere. When you are dealing with someone special you have to learn to have respect in the way that you address them, and just like the age old saying you will always be able to get more flies with honey than with vinegar.
If you happen to date a foreign man, remember that he is different. Learn how to communicate calmly with him, as you may have gotten a wrong impression from him, that was not meant in the context that you took it. I have found that people that were not raised here are a bit more free thinking and innocent. Although many Americans of are defensive and cautious of people, foreigners tend to see the best of situations. I have found that my husband is devoid of many emotional issues, and is very trusting of people, however with time, he has acclimated to life in America.
Hoped this provided some proper instruction on how to regard your precious African man....and insight :-)
Friday, March 14, 2014
So many times I hear people complain about how things used to be, how people used to be respectful, how men used to desired commitment more often and such.... the list goes on and on of how things "used to be". However what I realize is that in order for a change to take place, someone has to take action, someone has to be prepared to stand and represent when others are not.... as young people... we have to be the change we want to see. If you want to be solid parents.. that will require you making the necessary sacrifices.... If you desire to have the kinda marriage that your grandparents had, that will desire you deciding to trade in the single life for one of commitments. Our society is one of great fantasy, and will not promote the indisputable fact that in order to do anything of substance and longevity.. it will require your hand in the matter. I have learned in my life that no one is committed to my dreams, not even my husband nor my parents because everyone has their own distinct set of dreams that they are busy pursuing. As of the recent few years, I have put tremendous efforts into molding a more exciting life, in which I feel less hindered of the factors around me. I focused in on not letting anything prevent me, and that mentality has been beyond successful in accomplishing some things in my life. Not only do I encourage you to work on being the change you crave, but I live to implement it in my own life. No longer will i let the simple's small frame of mind put parameters around my "larger than life" perspective as my husband calls it. I'm living.... and having fun.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
I believe that all major players, leaders and empires have all approached a time and place in which the cardinal signs and warnings are evident. This is the point in which either you will rise or fall with the way you choose to proceed. Recently, A famous actor, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, did not choose wisely while at his crux, and it cost him his life. He however is not the only one that gets faced with the cardinal signs and does not back down. also many of us do too. We do it in our finances, relationships and in spirituality. We take risks that we shouldn't and many times we fail to acknowledge how we blatantly were confronted with a glimpse of the repercussions of our actions, yet out of our own narcissism, we chose to go against our gut. In this narrative I choose to speak to those of us that know better.... those of us that believe we are slick and getting away with the various things that we do with precision and skill. I would have to remind you that no matter how well you always cover your tracks... there will always be some sort of trace because an action did indeed take place, and what is done in the dark always comes to light.. and It has been my experience that, when it comes to light, it is never a cost that you have fathomed paying... it is always much more costly and devastating than you expected. It is challenging to reprimand yourself when you feel like you are on cloud nine.. but it could be the difference in life and death. If you ever watch shows like behind the music or Hollywood files, you will often hear the once famed stars say they felt "on top of the world".. I have noticed that often this always comes before some life changing event in their life. I want to encourage those that are "getting" away with it, those that have mastered covering their tracks... to foresee what is destined to come. We must remember.. for ever action there is a reaction... and I would much rather order my steps here on earth than pay in the afterlife.. which is another possible cost.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
It has come to my attention that some are bothered by my messages and my material, but I just want to share with those that are.... this simple message. My blog is not for you..... it is for me and those that can benefit from it. I have found that in life..... many pitfalls are experienced because we are not honest with each other.. we conceal truths that could make some other person's path smoother. I am not prepared to do that. I am prepared to be the resource that me, myself desperately searched for and needed upon many experiences. I want to enlighten other women of color that they are not alone in their experiences. The fact of the matter is that not all truths are pretty.. not all truths are pleasant, but one thing is for sure... and that is that they remain true. This is my life.. and my journey.. and I will not edit it or withhold it. To whom much is given.. much is required... and unlike the masses.. I am not too intimidated to do it.....
~ Afrikan Superstar
~ Afrikan Superstar
Monday, March 3, 2014
|Whatever you do, don't forget to shine!!!!|
|Gorgeous Variations;I love my baby sister|
|Me & Nicola kicking it in Miami|
|Michelle always brings a smile <3|
|Me and My Girl Markeyta :-)|
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
Not to disregard anyone that may not fall in this decade, but I have to stress the importance of it. Because this is the decade that no one can afford to throw away. If you so choose to blow your 20's there is redemption in your 30's. If you choose not to have children during your 30's..... you put yourself at great risk trying to have them beyond, not to mention you also reduce your life span. Professionally, starting education or trying to establish yourself after 40 will be significantly more difficult. With all that being said, I have taken drastic measures to maximize this time of life. I am pursuing my dreams on a daily basis to ensure that I get as much accomplished as possible. I honestly believe that if we knew the date and time of our end, we would be more aggressive about fulfilling our lives with purpose and accomplishment. For a woman to sacrifice her 30's might mean never having children. If once chooses to forsake higher education or career direction in their 30's it will much more difficult to get started in your 40's. Due to these realizations... i choose to vehemently be about my business
This has been the most difficult aspect of marriage for me. As people of color sometimes we may all overlook that we are all very culturally different although our appearance is similar. You could be a brown person from America, Brazil, Africa, the Islands or even Europe... and based on your environment and upbringing.... we can be vastly different. I never considered it, but I had the best attitude when I decided to begin a relationship with a Cameroonian man. Based on how welcoming his friends and family were, I was anxious to trade in my stars and stripes for a new world. I delved into African Entertainment (music and movies) to become more aware. I researched my husband's country online. I asked him countless questions as to not be perceived as rude or inappropriate around his friends. I listened carefully to their language (Pigden broken English) and kept abreast the conversations as much as possible. These were my efforts of the girlfriend. However as the wife, I was confronted with more difficult aspects of cultural differences. First and foremost.... I would highly suggest learning how to cook food for your husband that he likes. In the African culture... and this goes for all African countries, cooking for your husband and your family is essential. It is perceived as impersonal or lazy to constantly be offering to take someone out to eat vs in the American lifestyle, going out to eat and spending money is perceived as something you do to someone valuable. I am definitely someone that prefers being served and going out, but I learned early from my husband that it was not acceptable . He didn't mind going occasionally.... but throughout the week, he wanted home cooked food. At first I would cook staple foods, grilled chicken and veggies, Spaghetti, potatoes and things like that only to see the food sit in the refrigerator untouched. Apparently my husband enjoyed spicy food, and my food just wasn't packed with the familiar punch he was accustomed. He didn't enjoy most American classics (Macaroni, pizza, pastas, mashed potatoes and such) as some dishes had too much sugar or dairy, which is not always a big part of the African diet. Diary can sometimes be very expensive in Africa. Also he was accustomed to meals cooked from scratch in large portions (I learned to eventually cook on the weekends to last for the whole week). Nonetheless, It hurt my feelings, so after getting frustrated. I would just quit cooking altogether. My husband is a quiet introverted man, so his frustration with my cooking or not cooking would just bottle up inside of him. He wouldn't complain, but would respond in different ways. Eventually I learned a few recipes from online (YouTube was helpful),asked some of his family to email me recipes, and prepared them for him.Now do be prepared to go to the African Market to find some ingredients as everything may not be available in your regular grocer. I asked him ways to make it better, and he helped. Now I do realize some women are stubborn, and they believe that they should not have to make sacrifices and that a man should just take them the way that they are, however I do not subscribe to these foolish ways. I believe in making my husband happy and comfortable... so it was my desire to learn things that he likes to please him. Now if you are dating an African man with hopes or even a notion of the prospect of marriage, I would highly suggest that you cultivate this skill. Some African women do not regard American women as real competition for the African man... which means although he is married to you... they may feel that they still have a chance. Sometimes they will pretend to be a helpful friend to your husband.. by offering to cook his food. To alleviate it this happening, you want to put yourself in the best position by providing him the comforts at home. Be interested in his world, not that you don't have your own needs ,but learn to be accommodating.... because those are the kind of women they are used too and are attracted to. I must admit once I got over the cooking issue, the tension in our house was cut significantly. In my case, my husband did not want to communicate his true feelings on the subject at first, because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but it was my responsibility to read his strange behaviors and find out what was bothering him. Below, I have showcased some popular meals that can be prepared for you Cameroonian man.... make sure if you search for recipes online you are specific to the country you are looking for, as there are many different variations such as Ghanaian Jelouf rice vs. Cameroonian Jelouf rice.
|Tomato Stew: One of my Husband's absolute favorites, and easy to make|
My life has been a journey.... To date I have spent too much of it being serious and concentrating too much on the future at the sacrifice now. If you are like the former me, I would highly encourage you to have fun and live life... attack the concept of your dreams and fantasies as if there is no time left to waste.. Life is much more enjoyable like that :-) Good luck in life and love.
~ Afrikan Superstar