Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Let Me Vent Series: Lets talk Standards in Black & White

So a friend of mine posed a very interesting question on Facebook.... and I wanted to expound my thoughts, here with you... <3

Mark Holmes · 37 followers

  • In 2012, 51% of white women married but only 26% of black women married. What is it about black women that is causing men to not marry them as much as men marrying white women? Comments anyone?

    Now since I am of color.... I wanna address this issue as a black woman who loves black 

    men. I have never been a basher.. but more less a believer of black men's innate potential 

    to become great. I have loved their appearance, creativity and tenacity all of my life.. and 

    initially believed that my husband would be a black man.. However over the years I was 

    met with so many disparaging factors that caused me to move on. As I observed women 

    worldwide of all ethnicity's (Asian, African, Spanish and European) It occurred to me the 

    phenomenon was happening here in the U.S. at an astonishing pace over other countries. I 

    also observed that foreigners that came here either went one of two directions in life.. they 

    either decided to keep very tight with the existing community here from their home country 

    and marrying from that pool or they assimilated to the western lifestyle in which they 

     would  party and become promiscuous or become interested in white American women. As


    black women we are continuously told of the "shortage" of good black men, also coupled 

    with our undying loyalty towards them. Many households are without a proper example of a

    family unit and how the man an woman SHOULD interact with each other.... This sets the 

    stage for a dangerous lifestyle. Black women actually feel impressed or empowered to land 

    a black man.. regardless of what he is or has to offer... Some women are reduced to 

    shameful mediums to keep their prized black man..... Black women are also more likely to 

    settle for a relationship that they are not happy with just for the sake of companionship. On 

    the flip side...... White women are not going for the indefinite girlfriend position.... and I 

    don't even necessarily attribute it to love but gain. White women are all about receiving 

    benefits and they know the benefit of being married and raising your children in such an 

    environment. Unfortunately, Black women seem not to be realizing this.. I even have single 

    friends that are anxious to begin families.. they have told me that if they reach a certain age

     without being married they will just go and get knocked up and become a single parent.. I 

    believe several of these factors are causing incredible problems within the community 

    because it simple perpetuates the problem further into other generations.... AS my friend 

    stated this topic on his page.. I heard every excuse in the book from: White women are 

    easy, Black men are afraid of a strong black woman, slavery and various other factors.. but 

    I simply attribute it to the lack of structure in our country and in our mentality. Americans 

    live in a reality in which they seek endless pleasure which is an unrealistic expectation. 

    Women and men alike are looking for a mate that doesn't exist which prolongs marriage as 

    well promotes unhappiness in existing relationships.

    The meat: What this all boils down is too is expectations. The lack and the establishing of 

    them. It is not popular.. and it can prolong your search for love and companionship, but it 

    can also prevent wasted time and broken hearts. I believe that is one of the key differences 

    between white women and black women, is that white women are usually socialized around 

    married couples throughout their lives, and they do not see getting married as an 

    unattainable goal, whereas some black women that do get married may be one of the few 

    to have done so in their family. I know that it is difficult, but if you are not getting what you 

    need or what out of a relationship you may considering sharing your thoughts with your 

    mate, and if un-receptive, considering to move on............ If you have invested umpteen 

    years and your mate still doesn't see you as a potential lifelong partner, when do you 

    actually surmise he will? I believe as a generation we must begin to be more realistic about 

    our lives and future. We must analyze those that came before us, and how they actually 

    made life work if we wish to emulate it. If we are not willing to endure anything we can 

    expect to receive what our ancestors did.

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Christians: The Two Things You Need to Succeed in Life; Discipline & Obedience

I have always been the kind of person who was lead by Shakespeare's famous line "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." from his Hamlet masterpiece... I have always believed to be brutally honest to myself as well as others and never deny myself the cravings of my heart.. but that was before I decided to serve the Lord.. I then came into the great understanding that although I may have the liberty to do anything that I choose... discipline is always required. I have now surmised for someone of great position and leadership with the possession of both discipline and obedience to God, you will be able to address all of your problems. Either you will choose not to engage in sinful behavior or simply obey God's word, but either way... you win. Now I have come to this assumption after observing so many humans, and the ways they try to circumvent God's instruction for life. You will find that people always take action with motives in place, instead of disciplining themselves or being obedient.. For instance in marriage, you will find that many people marry for all types of reasons: love,sex, financial & political gain, companionship, religion, to have children just to name a few. The irony with those that have married for improper motives is whatever you were hoping to gain from your manipulated marriage will be the one area that you will lack until you discipline yourself. People also do scandalous things to acquire money.... and often times they end up misusing their ill gotten gains or loosing it altogether. I used to believe that if I felt like doing something that I should.. that in some cases I could not overcome my desires, and I assumed that becoming a Christian would alleviate these struggles, however becoming a true Christian simply provides you the tools to control yourself... not too completely strip your world of the things that tempt you. At times you may (as I have) find yourself in a place where you wish to do something but you KNOW God does not condone it and this is where you apply obedience. For instance, if you happen to be interested in the homosexual lifestyle, but you love and admonish you Lord, you can consult your word and find out that God does not approve such behavior.. at that point.... if doing God's will supersedes doing your own... you can choose to obey over your own wishes... In some cases God is testing you.... in others he wants you to avoid the issue all together. A prime example of this is in Gen: 22. Such is the story of Abraham and his beloved son, Issac. Now if you are not familiar with Abraham story let me catch you up to speed. Abraham and his wife Sarah were promised to have a child in their youth, and did not bear a son until they were in their 90's. This son was named Issac and Abraham cherished him so.... IN Gen 22 God instructs Abraham to take his son up on the mountain to make a sacrifice  Along the way it is revealed to Abraham that Issac is to be the sacrifice. Abraham proceeds to tie his son down to a and place the wood for sacrifice... Now if you can only imagine what giving your only son up for sacrifice meant.... Surely so many thoughts were going through his head, however he chose to OBEY over questioning.... What happened next was wonderful, and I'm sure Abraham was so relieved.......

12 “Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God,because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.
13 Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram[a] caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. 14 So Abraham called that place The Lord Will Provide. And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.
15 The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time 16 and said, “I swear by myself,declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, 17 I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, 18 and through your offspring[b]all nations on earth will be blessed,[c] because you have obeyed me.”

SO in closing..... you will see just as God delivered for Abraham & Issac, he can deliver for you. Often we feel that we do not have the strength to turn away from sin habits that we love.. apply discipline in these areas.... and once you are lead to do God's will.... apply obedience.. its a WIN WIN combination.. AMEN!!!!!!!

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Natural Hair? Yea.. Whatever

The Artist Formally known as......

Approximately one month ago I decided to end my so called "natural" hair journey that I had embarked on 3 years earlier. I surmised that if my "natural" hair was always braided up, weaved or wigged up, and never really visible, what in the world was the point. I'm not really into those nappy styles.. so rocking bantu knots and such things is just not my cup of tea. I do like braids, micros and twist, but after seeing a girl from college that used to wear her hair in such all the time recently and being shocked at her receding hairline, I decided to relax my hair
for versatility and convenience because I'm an on the go person why stays active, and doesn't have the time or desire for all the upkeep "natural" hair requires. For instance... I have a nice pool at my apartment complex.... Many times I have been deterred in getting in.. simply thinking about my hair, and what taking an impromptu splash in the pool requires. I realized that natural is you and however you decide to wear your hair. I missed days in which I could just wash and style my hair in a reasonable time. I missed running my hand through it without any attachments or tracks. I missed looking like myself and seeing my natural hair color before it is full of grays. I didn't want to miss one more moment of life because of my hair. So anyway.. I just wanted to share this with someone who may be ready for a change with their hair. I am so much more happier with my smooth silky permed hair.. More happier than I have been in a while... The air blowing through it is priceless. It may be the style to rock "natural" unprocessed hair right now... but honestly, It not for everyone..... So do you girl!

Friday, August 9, 2013

The Blame Game

Today I want to discuss what is commonly known as the blame game..... In other words finding someone or something responsible for your misfortune(s). I want to begin by telling all who know me, and or attempt to hold me responsible for anything other than my own life and own actions.... I am not the cause of your demise... You are. The truth is that we are where we are due to a series of actions that we have or have not taken in our lives. We (the individual) are completely responsible for the outcome of our decisions. We have the ability to negotiate and research other's outcomes before we ever make a move. In our current generation I find that so many people play this dangerous game..... and use it as an excuse to never succeed. We have to begin by admitting.. most of the choices we took that lead us down bad pathways, we were aware of the chance that it may not work out favorable, but we chose to risk it. I believe that due to the utter distraction of our media and the perpetuation of the false"American Dream", we are lead to believe in the unfair exchange of doing very little or nothing for a big return. We have been jaded into believing that we can start off on a bad path, and make it legitimate. What, I would like to offer you if you may be distracted by the things around you, is to understand the Law of Gravity  or popularly known as "What goes up must come down". This simply states and is further solidified by Issac Newton's other law as well as the 3rd  Law of Motion which in scientific lingo states "for every action there is an reaction". If you are an reasonably intelligent person, you know that it is wise to not make judgement based on emotion, but fact and probability. If you are distracted.. it is best to strip away the feelings and look at the facts. Not even in the moral sense, but in the scientific sense, we are made to understand that every move we make will be reciprocated.  We roll the dice taking the chance that we can make wrong into right... and then look for a blame scapegoat when we are displeased with the outcome. Where you stand in your current position may be discouraging.. perhaps you even have regrets... but I just want to remind you that as long as you live... you have an opportunity to turn things around for the good. Now taking things a bit further for those of us are Christians.. we not only understand the law of science, but we also know that our Lord will too hold us accountable. I must say for me, this is the most critical of all because I know that even if I may not receive punishment in the natural.. If  have wronged someone or something... I will have to account for it to the Lord... Our Bible warns..... " Be not deceived, God is not mocked. That whatsoever a man soweth, he shall also reap" - Galatians 6:7 Now for those of you that are not so knowledgeable with your Bible, let me explain the groundwork of this passage. It not only serves as a checkmate for the believer... but it also answered the age old assumption that we can reap seeds from other folks harvest's such as our parents, grandparents or what they are more commonly referred to as trans-generational curses.... This passage was in response to that. Because even in biblical times, people were using the behaviors of their parents to excuse their lifestyles.. The Lord addressed it, and made it clear that whatever the (individual) does.. the (individual) will have to make account of. Do remember that you are able to get yourself on track... but this will require you being mature.. and first addressing your role in your mistakes.. not anyone else s .

Saturday, August 3, 2013


So I was on location for my 30th birthday in Bermuda..... As i visited family members I haven't seen in years, and got brought up to speed on current events.. I am reminded that politics exist everywhere. Politics in government make you upset, but politics within families make me vex. I'm for the life trying to figure how trivial things can separate blood family members. how they can pass like ships in the night live in such close proximity of one another, but not mind each other. I truly believe that broken families are perpetuated by the enemy. Broken families lead to broken people which makes the enemy's job run smoother. People that feel disconnected are more likely to behave in a reckless manner. I encourage those of you that are currently living in the midst of broken families to do something about it. Perhaps you are the missing link to bring them all back together. Often those that are leaders may want to escape the responsibility that comes with leadership, but if you commonly find yourself being pushed to the forefront or people are always seeking your advice.. it is very possible that you are the one needed for the job.... As I reminisce over some of the most purposed by God in our Bible.. I can derive that many tried to avoid it, but once they stepped into the light... were quite effective and revered. As I was in Bermuda I made it a point to see all my family. I didn't care what existing circumstances were present... and through my choice, I was able to see my family interacting with each other at least for my sake. So, the moral of my story is do it.... do whatever is needed to get your family together. If it is on your path, you are equipped to deal with it.... don't wait for the next person to do it... it is meant for you to do it!