Sunday, February 23, 2014

Women of Color, We Must Learn To Love Ourselves More

Saturday, February 8, 2014

The Death of the Submissive Woman & Subsequent Consequences

Please congratulate me on my very first Guest Blog Submission featured on relationship blog.... :-). So Totally stoked!!!!

Let’s face it ladies: we have all been lied to, and the consequences have had devastating effects upon us and the family. We have been groomed to become educated which has resulted in us graduating 2-3 times more than our men. We have learned to become so independent that we don't know how to allow anyone in our matrix, including the mate we so desperately crave. We have learned to conceal our problems, fearing that showing them will make us look weak. We have learned to run the household and contend with our man (which is against the biblical order of things) and yet we wonder why things are so out of order in our lives and in our world? Well I know that the opinion that I am preparing to share is not a popular one. In fact, I have been called outdated and old school, which I indeed admit to being because I believe that the old school mentality in regards to relationships is a model that works. I believe that if we quit trying to modernize every single attribute of life we will be more successful. I believe that is why, against the statistics against black women today, In regards to getting married, I have been able to forge my own path and connect with a great mate. I staunchly follow only two rules: Know my role & Let my husband be and feel in charge. As a woman, despite the high levels of education that you achieve, you are no man…. And you never will be. To become successful in a world in which double standards run rampant, a woman must learn to humble herself. Otherwise you will continue to see that you are unable to do and achieve the same results as your male counterparts, and possibly end up frustrated and alone. It’s not fair and it is certainly not what we believed would come from empowering ourselves, but it is the truth. Secondly, I have learned that although I have the highest influence in my house, it is essential for my husband’s ego that he feels in charge of our home. Emasculating your husband will do you much more harm than good so I have learned to let some things go, although I may very well be right. I have learned to speak to him with care instead of being harsh. I have learned to rule with a gentle, feminine approach. Now I understand that many women will refuse my advice, however I would pose that if you continue to find yourself lonely because you prefer to dictate, dominate and contend with possible suitors perhaps you may consider trying a different approach. After all it was this same way that made your grandmother and your mother successful, and if you come from a long string of independent single women… it could be the same flaw that they also refused to learn. All I can share is being ladylike worked for me.

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Not For Me: Open letter to the Arrogant Black Man

Dear Arrogant Black Man,

I think I should be the one to tell you not all black women are desperate.. that not all pine after any man that walks past them.. not all will reduce their standards.... and I happen to be in that group. Although I see many many sisters that have cheapened themselves by actually believing that their entire existence is about finding a man.. I am quite confident that there are equal or more that know their value... and I'm not talking about your over zealous, feminist, independent, attitude toting females that will flip the script the first time a man looks their way... I'm talking about the real sisters doing this thing called life without regrets and #Winning.

Let me first begin by addressing all these sorry brothers who think more of themselves than they should.... Let me tell you, you are no prize.. you are ordinary,common.... a dime a dozen. Any women with two eyes can see that you can repeatedly and repetitively be replaced... *snap* just like that. You think you are a hot commodity because of your nice car, college education or average looks? You think any woman is lucky to be graced with your presence??? Really? When you stroll around with your exotic, white or non black female.... you think all the sisters in the area are paying attention to you guys???..... Na... you couldn't be further from the truth, not all of us...Na. And I am no bitter, angry black woman... I am gorgeous and happily married to and African man that was prepared to provide me the comforts and the commitment that you were unprepared or unable to give.... My man came with no tattoos, children or unhealthy habits (smoking or drinking to say the least). He speaks multiple languages, is well educated and quite handsome. Even in some crazy chain of events something occurred to my husband.. I would marry African all over again... most Black American men are lame to me, just to be honest..... and I just thought I would let you know.In my opinion, African men are the cream of the crop, and that's why for me.. you are yesterday's news. I'm excited the other women chose to inherit your issues.... it was a path I was never ever prepared to subject myself too.. a bunch of runts.. smh... I have heard you dog black females in so many ways.. although your mother is one... and often so is the mother of your children. Calling them, ghetto, loud, and drama just to name a few. Now I know it does certainly apply to some.... but many of us are not that way... and you are too intimidated to even interact with a woman that has her own. You prefer to deal with the impressionable,controllable,naive and ignorant ones. It makes you feel comfortable, or the need to be less responsible. I craved a man that still wanted to run his house. A man that had a desire to provide and protect his woman... a man that was able to see my value and not be afraid to let the whole world know where he stood.. Not an arrogant man yet a confident man. Also for the record, I'm not attracted to hood guys.. never have been. I have always known engaging in that kind of relationship was short lived. I have always considered my future.. and I guess that's why I never considered you. By chance if you have managed to attract a gorgeous, sophisticated black woman please do her right... she will always be loyal to you, and put you first if you know how to finesse her. As for the rest.... I am happy you are doing your thing, wherever you can... because again.... you are no prize.

*DISCLAIMER.... this letter goes out to a certain type of black man... not all of them... and all opinions and views are those exclusively of owner and author Jeena Effoe.

~Afrikan Superstar