Sunday, July 13, 2014

The Black Trophy Wife....A Rare Concept.


Its very interesting the journey that some of us women of color take. Some grow up with a silver spoon and are left searching and unsatisfied, and the rest grow up with lack and grow up longing and empty. In a culture where lack is way more common (which this article is specifically for my single American black women), the concept of the trophy wife is not  popularly discussed or even a concept that many relate too. Early in my blog I discussed the difference between the passionate model of relationship versus the provider type of relationship. It has occurred to me, that more often these days, Black women are growing up seeking the passionate model, yet a few have managed to bag a provider. We fantasize about having a man take care of us financially, and provide us the finer things... never knowing what that entails. White women are more familiar with being a trophy wife, but today I want to dispel some things that go along with your provider.
Simply put, as intelligent individuals we observe life, and naturally focus on what we do well. We sometimes learn how to manipulate the system to get what it is we want. Based on what assets one has will determine their approach. Commonly men that lack means will use charisma and sex to attract a woman. They struggle to do anything related to commitment and also lack follow through. So in this model you can live with, have children with and spend years together without any level of planned progress. The minute you try to suggest structure, this type of man will buck up against you. These types tend to be confident, handsome, very passionate, good in bed, funny, lovable and convincing.

Conversely the Provider will be built differently. He is not impulsive and believes in making a plan for mostly everything. He has gone to school, has a nice car,money saved, is independent yet introverted. He lacks social skills and or has little to none relationship experience. He lacks confidence, and uses the material things he has acquired to attract a woman. He offers her security and commitment sometimes at the expense of emotional connection and intimacy. In public, the provider will praise his wife, but in his home he will retreat. Such behavior will leave his mate feeling perplexed and lonely, meanwhile all your friends and family will adore your husband, as he has the best image in public. Your provider is likely to silence your complaints with gifts and material things while the passion has nothing to offer you but words.

Therefore it is my assumption that whichever side of the coin you land on, be prepared for the associated costs of that selection. The provider will come with a more complex set as the issues the passion are more trivial. No matter what, remember to keep calm and carry on...... :-)

2 comments:

Tanya Leno said...

Great post! I shared this with my husband of 30 years, which invoked an interesting conversation between us. We agreed, he's definitely "the provider". We also agreed we still have work to do in our relationship to strike a balance between providing and still "providing " that much neededifferent emotional connection. Thank you.

Jeena Effoe said...

Excellent, thank you so much for reading and commenting :-)