Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: "You Are A Strong Black Woman"

Let me be the one to tell you... I hate being identified as strong. I hate that for some reason people think I dont hurt or need comforting just like someone they perceive to not be strong. The truth of the matter is there is nothing more than I want than to be weak. I wish that people would do things for me and feel sorry for me. i wish that people could help me. Im strong by default because noone cared enough to make a way for me.. I would gladly love to share the burdens I bare as a black woman with someone else... to shed my spotlight and my influence to be another indistinct number. im not some power crazed person who loves to be in control, but the lack in this world is what made me step up.... and thats real.

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: The Black Expat Search

Does it piss anyone else off that there are always two different categories of life??? When I do research there is the 'American' experience and then the 'African American' experience... it drives me up a wall that there is such a discrepancy between the two..... For instance I just looked up expatriate (which for those of you that don't know are people that move from their home country to another country) I can find loads of information on white expats worldwide.. When I try to search specifically for a black American etc... nothing. I know that the expat experience will be drastically different for black and white Americans. Its so frustrating, and the very reason why I provide my blog and YouTube channel... because its just ridiculous that we are not providing the same resources for each other. I know I couldn't possibly be the only person interested in such topics (especially based off the number of responses I get about the various subjects I post about) I think we, as black innovators need to do a better job of providing the knowledge base to our peers of positive, forward- thinking, progressive black people. We need to step up..... If you have ever come across subjects you cant find resources on then please provide the resource... it is in dire need....... 
Me in Barcelona, Spain (October 2014)

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

A lesson of maturity; transitioning from girlfriend to wife

In America women are promoted to be equal with our men. We are told that we can lead our houses just like men. We go to the finest schools, buy expensive power-suits,enter corporate America and lead. we are taught to believe that we can operate successfully like a man in every dimension, which is mortally false. These are some of the reasons I believe we struggle to find love with a real man, or if we manage to attract real man, the reason I believe we fail to maintain it. As a wife i have accepted the fact that I can not contend with my husband. I have watched as the double standards have penetrated our house and its not just my house... but the house of all my other married friends as well. A real wife must be patient and humble. which is the complete inverse for many of us that have been molded into this 'independent'creature. Its hard for us to sit back and let someone take the credit for all of our hard work. After all, we climbed the ladder on our own recognizance, no one ever made excuses for us. However I am here to tell you... none of that matters if you desire to have the type of man that will take care of you. Your marriage will require the utmost level of sacrifice and you will have to deprogram all that you have been taught of the 'independent' woman. There is a reason that marriage of yesteryear survived so long... and I believe it in large part to attributed to women knowing their place... It was never that the husbands didn't challenge the wives... but it was the take of the wives on the importance of the commitment and the togetherness of the family that convinced them to push through tough times. It taught resilience.. which is now absent in our current culture. As a girlfriend, you can make demands.. you get the luxury of liberty; or pushing the boundaries, but as the wife you will find yourself locked into sometimes extremely taxing and trying situations. It took me a while to learn the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. The girlfriend stage is all about you whereas the wife stage is all about him. I must also again state these are the thoughts and opinion of my blog.. you dont have to subscribe to them in any way.... but these are my real life observations. Especially if you happen to be dating an African man.. you will def experience the difference. African men cherish their wives, no matter what. They look at her as someone to be respected and not defiled. As the girlfriend you will experience more liberty.

Monday, December 22, 2014

Accountability ; part of the leaders life.... not for everyone

Growing up with a younger sister cultivated a deep preference to only be accountable for myself. Becase i was older i would find myself getting rerimanded for her actions and i hated it. Today my Pastor called me out for being thirty minutes late to many different settings.... i am forced to become accountable for those around me. It is frustrating,  yet the mark of a leader. Obviously not everyone that reads this will be able to relate. Some never will know the cost of accountability, the innate pull of leadership. Accountability strengthens the leaders validity because after all noone wants to follow someone that can not demonstrate victory in their own live. I extol all the leaders out there to remember that we are held to a different standard and that is because we are the everyday examples for those around us. There is a special reason people look to us for guidance, and it is important that we fulfill our God given, great purpose of leading in a proper way.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Let Me Vent Series: And The Truth Is.. No I Did Not Wake Up Like This....

It has taken years to cultivate my look and my mind. It is nothing that can be achieved overnight, be assured. To create a vast vocabulary, it has taken hundreds of books, years of education and much correction. True beauty is truly skin deep. I believe that there is too much focus on simply the exterior. The woman who made such a phrase even popular knows good and well she "didnt wake up like that" smh. All I can promote at is that you concentrate your emphasis on enhancing your heart and soul because your looks can and will fade. It is advice that I also apply to myself...... ~Stay black and true. 

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Cultural Differences: The Effect of External Influences on Your African Man

I selected an African man for specific reasons: Genes, Tradition, Community,Ambition among others just to name a few. However, I was unaware of the large influence that he would be subjected too living in the states. Some foreigners hold fast to their foreign way of life, but you will find many others are more open to experiencing American life since their migration. For me.... this became somewhat of an issue. My husband went from enjoying the occasional soccer game to watching every NBA & NFL game. He went from listening to Makossa (Cameroonian french music) to repeating the lyrics of 2chainz and Lil Wayne. He went from tailored suits to a more casual look to blend in with his peers except I didn't want all those things.... those were actually the very attributes I wanted to avoid, and I found myself extremely frustrated by his ability to be influenced in what I regarded as an negative direction. It caused us much strife in the beginning because I was very estranged from who my husband was becoming.. and he didn't understand why I was upset. I felt duped and lied too because of course I wanted an "African" man. American influence is very strong, and I now can understand that being away from home is such a big transition. Eventually my husband learned exactly why certain things were not favorable, and reverted back to the groundwork that he had learned, but he did also tell me that I had to learn patience with him. He also desired to have the same sense of belonging that any other human wishes to have. If you are dating a man that has recently come to the states, this can present a huge hurdle for you, as all of the experiences you have come to have after a lifetime of learning, your mate is just beginning that journey as an adult. My advice would be communicate with your mate. I often explained lyrics to songs and broke down the connotations of slang. My husband shared how hilarious it was to learn some of the meanings of movies and music that he had learned whilst abroad. To him, they were simply words, and African Americans that had made it and become successful were simply icons. Alot of the media that foreigners are shown abroad about the American life is misleading and alluring all at the same time. As is it our home we know the fact from fiction, but a foreigner would never be able to make that discernment until they had the opportunity to experience it for themselves.