Monday, May 27, 2013

The Power of Planning

This might be a very far fetched idea, but I believe anything can be accomplished no matter how great the task can be... Somethings are more attainable than others, but I believe that long term planning can bring other more grandiose goals into reach. For instance, It amazes me how many people have beautiful dreams to travel abroad, yet never ever experience their dream. I too have dreams to visit such places in Europe as Monaco & Spain, and my mind is busy trying to formulate a way to bring it into fruition. I think that our fear of actually accomplishing things puts us at an disadvantage because sometimes we sabotage ourselves in various ways.
A few ways to overcome the fear of achievement:

  • Take it day by day some goals seem impossible when looking at it in aerial view, ease your mental stresses by taking it day by day until you reach the finish line.
  • Reward the gradual progress If your goal is to lose a few pounds or perhaps to  limit social media time on the computer, don't forget to reward the small successes.
  • Impose some accountability Find someone or something to hold you and your goals accountable. In my case, my blog keeps me on track because I believe in upholding my word. Or for instance if you have a good friend that will keep you in line, share your plans with them, and give them liberty to help you not lose focus.
  • Find a creative way to fund your dreams perhaps you can begin to recycle for extra cash to set aside for your dream trip or luxury purchase: selling clothing on eBay  or perhaps organizing a bake sale for work. Not only will your creativity help you feel self gratified, but you can generate capital to help with achieving your goals. 
  • Don't let anyone crush your dreams Naysayers will always be part of the world we live in, but you must have the courage to fight for your dreams even when others around you cant celebrate your ideas.
So in closing, developing a plan can help you get from A to Z.. dont wait for tomorrow, start today right now... formulating and executing your plans :-) #GODSPEED

Thursday, May 23, 2013

The Color Complex (Office Edition)

Today I would like to talk about the office dynamic for women of color: Foreign color or otherwise. Its laughable the additional stress we encounter.. the sheer expectation of incompetency, although we come ready with education and social skills. We encounter the expectations from not only our management, but from other women of color as well. We intimidate management to the point, that they pick, prod and threaten to provoke us..... It is frustrating, but I just want to share with women that are experiencing this unfortunate occurrence, you are not alone. Now make no mistake, there are women or color that truly embody the definition of unsophisticated, hood or ghetto in the office. They handle situations with authority or with coworkers immaturely, and have attitude to boot. However, this post is not about them... this is about the classy professional women, who clearly set themselves apart from those types of stereotypes, yet get grouped with the others girls.... I believe this is due to a lack of discretion or even attention to detail. Amongst other women of color, it is obvious who is who.... we can call out a hood girl, bourgeois girl, foreign girl, oreo (uncle tom) girl, or holy roller (extremely religious person), in a moment. Why is it in the office, they too can not notice the difference. In my specific case, it has been noted on various jobs by different people, a different level of treatment and attention is paid to me, over some others that break rules and challenge management. The foundation for this type of treatment really stems from the curiosity they have for you... They want to see you tick, so they attempt to push your buttons... I would encourage any woman going through this phenom to make your self friendly.... to bridge the gap.... Once they learn that you are indeed human with your own set of issues, perhaps it can lessen the need to push your buttons. In my specific case, i have fused together the team in my department, making friends out of coworkers which makes the environment so much better for all of us. I also recommend if you are at odds with your supervisor, it is more than likely due to intimidation.. Perhaps your management sees your potential and feels that you may take their spot. Alleviate their stress by acknowledging, not challenging them. challenging them could end in you losing your job, even if you are not wrong... because they may set you up.. or nit pick your every move.... Most importantly, just know that there are others working through these problems.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Da Basics

As a girlfriend of mine and I traded complaints about various problems we are experiencing in our lives, She made it evident to me, that perhaps I have been over analyzing my situations.. that perhaps I should take it back to a 'basic' level. She told me, that for the Christian, this requires getting right with God and doing it right now. She encouraged me to check my heart as well as my tithes and offerings, and once those items were in tact, then I could plead my behalf to God in prayer. After all... he challenges us to prove him with the tithe, and that he will pour us out a blessing that we wont have room enough to receive. My friend was absolutely right, and I'm thankful that the Lord spoke to me through her. Often we may get caught up in the swirling madness around us, and forget to maintain the basics. I encourage you too to align yourself with God and seek wisdom from him to make the right choices in life. It is easy to turn away from him, yet hard to return. Be mindful, and be strong.. Amen.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Equally Yoked

After listening to so many relent about the nature of the relationships they are either in, or wish they were in.... I was motivated to share my thoughts on this topic. all throughout our lives, the people around us as well as our media help us to shape our ideal mate. Most of the concentration is on superficial things such as looks, swag, and hair just to name a few. Often times the one most suited for us is right in our midst, but for some reason, we don't think that they are up to par. I have had countless friends that were great guys that i found attractive, smart and ideal for longevity... however they never looked at me as a prospect.. although they used to seek advice from me, spend their time with me, and tell me how pretty i was.. there was something that prevented them from looking at me romantically.... But guys aren't the only ones.... Females are constantly putting lifelong partners in friend zone meanwhile obsessing about the no good guy. Our media also feeds us the false hope that opposites attract. Opposites may indeed attract, but they are incredibly hard to maintain. Small differences can make living and understanding one another unbearable. When seeking a mate, one must evaluate them fully.. get their take on religion, parenting, finances and future plans. Take it from my experience that being unequally yoked is a tedious process... Minimal things become major fights... and future success seems impossible. I would certainly advise discussing in depth every major topic with your mate before perhaps moving in together or marriage.. It can save you time & heartache.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Feeling Good VS Looking Good

As I surfed the net, I became very, inextricably aware that some women of color are obsessed with they way they look, over actually feeling the way they look. They will spend absorbent amounts of money on high end clothing, expensive weaves, vacations, cars & all.... simply to achieve the look of it. Now don't get me wrong.... I too am a big spender, but the clothing, shoes, trips and my look don't define me. They just accent a gorgeous core. For instance, I am more comfortable shopping at a Thrift store or seeking out vintage, than sporting the top of the line latest fashions. Some may be shocked to discover that often those that look the most put together, have serious emotional issues and low self esteem. And at the end of the day.... It all boils down to your perspective about yourself . Others can shower you with compliments, but if you lack the self identity and confidence, nothing can help.... not the acquiring of more items.. not even a mate. For anyone who is suffering from this problem.... I encourage you to tackle it head on... Question: "Why am I doing this/buying this?", "Does it even make a difference?", and certainly if you are involved with folks that only enjoy you based on what you have or what you are doing for them.. beware.. these kind of folks like the ride, but hate the fall. If you cross something that you think you can't live without.... I'd encourage you to occasionally go without it... to justify being just as fabulous less one more belonging. Perhaps you are the kind to admire the boldness and confidence of others, but know this... other people will treat you according to the standard you treat yourself. If you carry yourself as someone special.... others will feed off that vibe, and respond accordingly.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Where exactly is the crisis????

So I was reading an article this morning about the "gender identity" crisis noted in the female children of Angelina Jolie and Beyonce, as their parents dress them or allow them to dress like little boys, I wondered, exactly where the crisis was... It is clear that a parent has the ability to shape and mold their child's world, by showing them and conveying to them gender specific information. If you are a girl or a boy.. it is clear of your sex. Hence, the parents responsibility to make that clear. There should be no crisis.... In the case of Blue Ivy Carter, Jay Z & Beyonce's 1 yr old daughter, her parents are solely selecting her clothing without any input from the child. It begs the question of why they would choose to dress her in such a way? In the Case of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, daughter of Brad Pritt and Angelina Jolie, they claim their daughter is selecting her boyish clothing on her own, and that they just allow her to do so.
Real Talk:
As a parent, you are your's childs introduction into the world as we know it. As children I think we all have had some left brianed idea once or twice, and it was the responsibility of our parents and other adults that cared for us, to not just let us go in the wrong directions. Both sets of parents are cultivating a problem for their daughters..... smh... good luck with that....


Monday, May 13, 2013


I was just thinking how unnerving it is when are trying desperately to communicate with someone, but they misconstrue your words... You explain to them exactly what you mean, yet they derive their own impression from it. I understand that from some messages may come with hidden meanings and underlying issues, but over time, one must assess the character of the one that they are communicating with. If they person is always succinct, follows through on their promises and is direct with you... after some time it is safe to assume that they mean what they say, likewise it they never follow through or are known to have hidden messages, it is safe to make that judgement call too.... For the person that is constantly misunderstood.... learn how to have a tough skin, as the vast majority of our world is full of crap and unwilling to do what they say, nor say what they mean. Understandably, you will not be taken seriously off top because of the epidemic of foolishness in our culture.... Don't take it personal because it is not you specifically.... it is the product of the world that we live in.. Carry on with your proud-to-handle business attitude.. don't lose your character or be distracted by the worlds attempts to make you lose your cool... I for one know how frustrating this can be. Telling someone the unmitigated truth from your heart, and they turn around and either don't believe it, or take a positive as a negative..... SMH IJS......

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Pot holes

We have all hit them, and no one likes them, but it is inevitable that we may experience them on the road and through life. Last evening, a minister from my church, Steven Sessions, made an analogy I had to share with my blog readers. He said there are two paths in life, either God's path or the enemy's path. With the enemy's path, it looks good, but is deceiving or as he put it, is filled with pot holes. God's path is more challenging, naturally, however, we have the Lord to go before us on our behalf and fill in the pot holes before we are affected by them. He also mentioned, that as we live day by day, we are unaware of how our Lord has kept us safe and from evil. I share these things as to say, as we continue to have life, we are very fortunate. We must realize that some people today perhaps woke up, but wont finish out the day. It is imperative that we regularly engage with our Lord, and reverence him. To further illustrate I will share a true story I came across on the web.. No names will be shared to protect the guilty... From the day we married, I suspected that perhaps I had rushed into it. Almost immediately my husband began to change, and I felt lonely and trapped. My parents had insisted on a lavish wedding that left them paying for nearly 6 months after the event. Everything at the service was top of the line and elegant. Even on my honeymoon, the nights were filled with strife and unanswered questions. As a Christian, I resolved to sort through my marriage, as I had always been taught, even though my heart was questioning if I had done the right thing. Always amiss, I could come and go as I pleased, my husband always preoccupied with T.V or sleeping. He never minded my whereabouts.... One day I met him, and I loved him immediately. I wondered if he was truly my soulmate, and that the timing was just wrong. He too was smitten with me. I was caught in the crossfire. My husband had no clue I had been entertaining another man, but the other man was uncomfortable with my situation... claiming that he wanted to be free to have our own relationship, without boundaries. For weeks I cried, had sleepless nights and tortured myself with loads of "what ifs" and "what should I do". My heart warred against my faith, understanding that God was able, and that he never directs you to start something, and then not finish [my marriage]. But I loved the man so much... I knew I would never meet another like him, as special, unique people are a rarity in this day. I was unsure of what would happen in the event that I left my husband, would the other man still want me? would he be able to trust me? And what about the kind of seeds that beginning a relationship on that premise would reap? I considered how many people do this very thing, and appear to get away with it, and wondered if we too could just live happier ever after. However, I knew that my success in the kingdom, depended heavily on the one I had already wed, and that leaving one man for another had serious realistic and spiritual ramifications... After only a few weeks of the tryst, the other man concluded it, telling me he couldn't handle it. He too was a Christian, and could not rest easy being in the midst of the mess.He went on to marry the next woman he dated. As for me, I struggled for a long time with the feelings that I had developed for him, Although my husband noticed my distance and tried to improve things, I was very unavailable to him. I prayed and ask God, why the other man had come to me, and for what purpose, and he answered me one day, so clearly, I have to share with whomever comes across this..... The Lord told me that I had chosen a battle that i didn't need to fight, and that this lesson would teach me not to entertain another man, over working at my marriage to improve it.    This story goes along with the analogy so well because sometimes we put ourselves in terrible situations and wonder why it has befallen us, but if we would have been wise in the first place, we could have avoided unnecessary pain. In the case of the mystery wife, instead of turning the other man away when they initially crossed paths, she proceeded, which resulted in stress and emotional pain as she wondered which man to choose. Her faith told her to sustain her marriage, while her flesh longed for the other man. Such situations are common, but avoid them by being wise and standing on faith.....

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

The 5 Love Languages

This post is geared for my single readers...... because these love languages are crucial, and can be so beneficial for the longevity of your potential or actual relationship. My husband and I actually reveiwed these and identified our specific language in pre marital counseling.... If you are sinlge now, learning about these can be a life saver, and help you tremendously.... so the five are:

Words of Affirmation Language This language can other wise be know as "confidence booster" or verbal affirmation. This person loves compliments and encouraging words. They like to be told they are loved, sexy, smart and such often.

Quality Time Language This person enjoys quality time. This aspect requires the individuals to focus their attention on one another in ways such as open communication, both listening and speaking, and spending time with one another doing activities that are enjoyed by both individuals

Receiving Gifts Language Another language of love that individuals can share is the concept of receiving gifts. Some individuals see the act of providing one another with material objects, regardless of their cost, as an act of love. Without these acts of giving and receiving individuals who use this type of love language will feel deprived of their relationship

Acts of Service Language Individuals who express love via the acts of service language are prone to seeing such tasks, like chores and various household tasks, as acts of love. In order for two individuals to experience the acts of service language together, both individuals need to be willing to step outside of their typical household routines and perform one another's tasks for the sole purpose of being kind to one another
Physical Touch Language The physical touch language is simply the idea that individuals feel loved and comforted by being in close physical contact with one another in various ways, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing and sexual intercourse. Physical touch between couples can vary depending upon what each individual in the relationship is comfortable with.


The key thing about the importance of love languages is not simply determining your own or your mates', but learning to speak their love language. It is very rare that you would connect with someone that speaks the eact language you speak, so you have to be prepared and willing to communicate with your mate in their language. Neglecting to do this can result in your mate feeling unnapreciated and undesired. Naturally, we will attempt to treat people as we wish to be treated, however, mastering this art requires a bit more attention to detail.

For instance, I am a personal touch person, and my husband is an acts of service person. It continues to be a learning experience for the both of us to learn how to speak the love languages in the most effective manner. In the beginning, we both attempted to please each other in our own language, which was unsuccessful. After some time, we have learned to accomodate each other more on each other's level, and it makes our household run more smoother. I believe that learning these early in the game can be so beneficial because its like a playbook to your mate's heart...

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Casting the first stone

This is a post in which you should self-evaluate the image and manner of character that you display. It is so easy to examine your neighbor and determined that you have been wronged, but it takes a true assessment to look at yourself with objectivity... and right your wrongs if need be. For the remainder of the year.. I will be making a sincere attempt to do more of this. The main reason we must be cognizant of our image is because it can make or break our witness. If we are living a successful life others around us will be more likely to trust us and be open to our suggestions, however I think we have all crossed someone who we may have wanted to trust, but we were caught up questioning their reputation or their fruit of life. I know that it is difficult when you are a leader and in a place of influence because sometimes you may just want to do what you feel regardless of how it will impact others, but if we have been given shine, the shine comes with a cost.. and we are accountable for those that we lead correctly or astray. Our Bible commands us to "remove the speck from our own eye before removing our brother's" which mean we must be proactive in getting our lives in order.