The Death of the Submissive Woman & Subsequent Consequences

Please congratulate me on my very first Guest Blog Submission featured on www.Seriously-maybe.com relationship blog.... :-). So Totally stoked!!!!




Let’s face it ladies: we have all been lied to, and the consequences have had devastating effects upon us and the family. We have been groomed to become educated which has resulted in us graduating 2-3 times more than our men. We have learned to become so independent that we don't know how to allow anyone in our matrix, including the mate we so desperately crave. We have learned to conceal our problems, fearing that showing them will make us look weak. We have learned to run the household and contend with our man (which is against the biblical order of things) and yet we wonder why things are so out of order in our lives and in our world? Well I know that the opinion that I am preparing to share is not a popular one. In fact, I have been called outdated and old school, which I indeed admit to being because I believe that the old school mentality in regards to relationships is a model that works. I believe that if we quit trying to modernize every single attribute of life we will be more successful. I believe that is why, against the statistics against black women today, In regards to getting married, I have been able to forge my own path and connect with a great mate. I staunchly follow only two rules: Know my role & Let my husband be and feel in charge. As a woman, despite the high levels of education that you achieve, you are no man…. And you never will be. To become successful in a world in which double standards run rampant, a woman must learn to humble herself. Otherwise you will continue to see that you are unable to do and achieve the same results as your male counterparts, and possibly end up frustrated and alone. It’s not fair and it is certainly not what we believed would come from empowering ourselves, but it is the truth. Secondly, I have learned that although I have the highest influence in my house, it is essential for my husband’s ego that he feels in charge of our home. Emasculating your husband will do you much more harm than good so I have learned to let some things go, although I may very well be right. I have learned to speak to him with care instead of being harsh. I have learned to rule with a gentle, feminine approach. Now I understand that many women will refuse my advice, however I would pose that if you continue to find yourself lonely because you prefer to dictate, dominate and contend with possible suitors perhaps you may consider trying a different approach. After all it was this same way that made your grandmother and your mother successful, and if you come from a long string of independent single women… it could be the same flaw that they also refused to learn. All I can share is being ladylike worked for me.

Not For Me: Open letter to the Arrogant Black Man

Dear Arrogant Black Man,


I think I should be the one to tell you not all black women are desperate.. that not all pine after any man that walks past them.. not all will reduce their standards.... and I happen to be in that group. Although I see many many sisters that have cheapened themselves by actually believing that their entire existence is about finding a man.. I am quite confident that there are equal or more that know their value... and I'm not talking about your over zealous, feminist, independent, attitude toting females that will flip the script the first time a man looks their way... I'm talking about the real sisters doing this thing called life without regrets and #Winning.

Let me first begin by addressing all these sorry brothers who think more of themselves than they should.... Let me tell you, you are no prize.. you are ordinary,common.... a dime a dozen. Any women with two eyes can see that you can repeatedly and repetitively be replaced... *snap* just like that. You think you are a hot commodity because of your nice car, college education or average looks? You think any woman is lucky to be graced with your presence??? Really? When you stroll around with your exotic, white or non black female.... you think all the sisters in the area are paying attention to you guys???..... Na... you couldn't be further from the truth, not all of us...Na. And I am no bitter, angry black woman... I am gorgeous and happily married to and African man that was prepared to provide me the comforts and the commitment that you were unprepared or unable to give.... My man came with no tattoos, children or unhealthy habits (smoking or drinking to say the least). He speaks multiple languages, is well educated and quite handsome. Even in some crazy chain of events something occurred to my husband.. I would marry African all over again... most Black American men are lame to me, just to be honest..... and I just thought I would let you know.In my opinion, African men are the cream of the crop, and that's why for me.. you are yesterday's news. I'm excited the other women chose to inherit your issues.... it was a path I was never ever prepared to subject myself too.. a bunch of runts.. smh... I have heard you dog black females in so many ways.. although your mother is one... and often so is the mother of your children. Calling them, ghetto, loud, and drama just to name a few. Now I know it does certainly apply to some.... but many of us are not that way... and you are too intimidated to even interact with a woman that has her own. You prefer to deal with the impressionable,controllable,naive and ignorant ones. It makes you feel comfortable, or the need to be less responsible. I craved a man that still wanted to run his house. A man that had a desire to provide and protect his woman... a man that was able to see my value and not be afraid to let the whole world know where he stood.. Not an arrogant man yet a confident man. Also for the record, I'm not attracted to hood guys.. never have been. I have always known engaging in that kind of relationship was short lived. I have always considered my future.. and I guess that's why I never considered you. By chance if you have managed to attract a gorgeous, sophisticated black woman please do her right... she will always be loyal to you, and put you first if you know how to finesse her. As for the rest.... I am happy you are doing your thing, wherever you can... because again.... you are no prize.

*DISCLAIMER.... this letter goes out to a certain type of black man... not all of them... and all opinions and views are those exclusively of www.blkandtrue.blogspot.com owner and author Jeena Effoe.

Signed 
~Afrikan Superstar

Have a Good Day from www.blkandtrue.blogspot.com

#Winning

Mr. & Mrs

I had to write a post to all my wonderful followers & subscribers and shout out another lady Mrs Haiku Taiwo from Jacksonville, Florida who is also married to an West African Nigerian man. She kindly reminded me today that I am working toward making one of my dreams come true, helping other African American women hear and learn the truth. As promised..... If you show me love, I will show you love. Thank you Haiku!!!!! <3 I wish you and your husband the best!

The Night President Barak Obama got Elected

Now, I know so many dissertations have been shared on this, but on my blog, I choose to share my feelings... because honestly I remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember utter shock as they announced the outcome of the election, the pride that ensued in my heart after his invigorating speech, and the sorrow for what I knew was to follow his tremendous accomplishments. I will never take the historic feat away from President Obama, but I knew that only because the climate of this country was in such disarray, would a black man ever step into the oval office.. Now as the years have passed, I still see the shear hate for our charismatic president. I see the unwillingness of the different wings of government to work collectively.. I see the gray that has taken over the once jet black full head of hair. I know the inner defeat that President Obama must feel, the sacrifice that Michelle endures as the public watches her every move and attacks her family.... the frustration that although both of them, well educated and professional, still get no appreciation. No accolades. The way the media boldly calls President Obama simply Obama with no respect.. and the way the ignorant crowd of first time voters that put him in office impatiently turn against him. The way the American public has made it a race thing... how so many refuse to even acknowledge him because he is black... (which in reality, Barak, is of mixed background). I endured hate because President Obama took office, some whites lashed out at me.. not even knowing or asking me my thoughts on the election, yet all out of assumption because I am black too. I wonder about the colored "American" dream. Why it has been such a difficult pill to be swallowed? I feel for him deeply in a way that many black people will never acknowledge... I question the costs of taking such a role.. as I regard it as totally not worth it... Not worth all the scrutiny from these careless, critical, reckless bastards. I think about the impact to his daughters, and how it has forever changed their lives.. I worry about their safety both while he is in office, and once his term is up. I question the loyalty of those protecting him, and wonder if they would go to all lengths to keep him safe. And all these thoughts are politics aside, as I am republican and didn't even vote in either election. These are concerned thoughts of a black woman in an aggressive racist world. Knowing that before he even became elected the issues in America are related to a moral crisis, where the crowd leads the leaders, and those in position are too fearful to upset the American public. Violence and confusion are rampant. And I have lived in this country when it flowed with prosperity. When a shooting in a school was the furthest thing on a young students mind. When a youth longed to grow up... when the future seemed brighter. I realized that no matter the man that took office, without a return to God... we will continued to be on a strained path. No one wishes to hear that truth, instead of revering those that speak it.... We are attacked with a vengeance. Its sad and disheartening... and after the complete slander of President Obama, I am reminded of just that...the times that we are currently living in.

Communication

As I shared my honest heart and feelings yesterday with someone who is so precious to me, I realized how very critical communication is in all forms of relationships. Denying your friend/lover the opportunity to understand the depths of your thoughts and heart hurts both parties. After the conversation I felt like a million pounds had been lifted off me because we were able to talk candidly about a difficult situation in which neither one of us had been able to reach a conclusion too. You hear it often, but so many of us neglect to keep the doors off communication open. I suggest that you regularly make an effort to communicate with those that are important to you, It can be the difference between a failed friendship/relationship and a lasting one.

Nothing Worse than a Stupid Driver....... #UGH

Lets talk about stupid drivers........

...... Says the Single's

Today, I carefully listened as a bunch of single women and men had the 'conversation'. The conversation of the totally fanciful expectations of a mate. As the only actual married person among them, I protectively kept my opinions to myself although encouraged to get into it. I suppose I recognized it better to just keep quiet with my old fashioned mentality., as I have learned on many occasions... my opinions can be 'radical' to the new young generation who believes deeply in fantasy. I listened as one (black) female, (who is very particular) listed her laundry list of 'must haves'. Internally I laughed to myself because she is quite different, difficult and in my opinion overly aggressive to suit a woman. The fact of the matter is, when it comes to the character of a female.. no matter how educated and powerful you are, you have to learn how to be submissive to your husband. It is both Biblical and proper. I found it comical that no one tends to make the correlation with the extremely independent types and their singleness is this very factor. At the end of the day.. a woman can never be a man.. if she can not learn this lesson.. she will perpetually be her own man. I also think expecting more of your potential mate than that of which you even have to offer is selfish and unrealistic. What would make you think that you are entitled to more than you are willing to give? Moving on to the next female.... the classic (black) thug lover. I listened as she contradicted herself.. claiming to want a thug with the edgy, rugged exterior, yet possessing the inner qualities of a gentleman.. famously known as the oxymoronic 'educated thug' character...... I listened as she cited her many year relationship with her 'fiancee', as she deemed as the perfect blend. Her preference was based heavily on the rugged sexy exterior that alot of bad boys/thugs have. Again.. I stayed silent as I thought of the impossibility of having a true mature adult relationship with that type of man. I thought about attempting to introduce my world to him... also calculating in all the drama, women, immaturity and baggage... the thug type is by far hardly worth it. Lastly I listened to the extremely difficult, super single, (black) man.... talk about all the things he didn't have time for in regards of having to emotionally be there for another person..... and how he is just looking for the right person. Any girl that was not likely to jump at his every whim was not going to get far, but I presume that we can surmise all this from his single status. Next there was the attractive (white) male that was going through strife with his over-a-decade-younger immature selfish girlfriend. Seems that the man puts in  major efforts that are met with no level of compromise. Overall none of the discussed situations at all seem appeasing to me, and it seemed to me that all those involved were losing more than they were gaining. But i know you don't come to this blog to know what they think or do... yet my thoughts on the aforementioned subjects... So as far as relationships and marriage go. I will simply say these things. One has to understand that in order to grow or move forward with someone..... compromise is fundamental. There is no perfect match.. no human devoid of some sort of lack exists. Even with careful selection.. you will experience something(s) in which your mate comes up short in. Which I would direct at the first young woman... As for the second scenario: Strength is an internal thing... not simply a look. Usually the person with the hardest exterior is usually the biggest punk of them all, and perhaps the reason she craves such a guy speaks to issues in her own personal life. To the single black man...... just stay single because your expectations of refusing to be available to someone, yet expectanting top tier treatment is both unrealistic and selfish..... shame on you. To the white man..... please stop trying to mold a young impressionable female, it is no secret that she is emotionally unavailable to you.... for God's sake she is young and immature!!!!!!

No matter what

When you blkandtrue you get it no matter what.

The (Colored) American Dream

So In the above clip I share my experiences as I have tried to pursue the "American Dream" and was made painfully aware of the reality of the different standards set before me. I want to share my experiences as to help someone going through and in need of the truth.... "Colored girl, you are not crazy,You are just colored in an environment where color is a big deal".... you are not alone....

Zimmerman's effect: #NotGuilty

Very late one Saturday night I was on my way home from a function and usually I will just take the street way home... Well with it being nearly 5 am I decided to hope the freeway for a quicker faster way home. The freeway was so dark. Me and another car followed each other for miles. By the time we both threw the breaks on, the cruiser had already pulled out of the center where they tend to sit while they are clocking drivers for speed. Close to a exit both me and the other car opted to get off to avoid the cop... Now to add extra suspense to this familiar tale, I will share with you that at the time of this incident, I had been driving for months with an expired license and tags, for my own private study on how long I could get away with it..... apparently only 4 months :-( . From my experience almost every car that I known to have caused an accident seemingly never have any insurance or a driver license. I decided this year to take my chances and see how long I could get by with expired tags and license)  The exit we happened to choose was a three lane exit. I chose to go left, the other driver chose to go right and the cop sat in the middle lane until the light changed green. As soon as I made the turn so did he, and the lights brightly came on. I banged my hand on the steering wheel because I knew my current status. The police officer approached my car and gave me a ticket for one of the two offenses as if he was doing me some favor. The total cost came up to $95 dollars. I was so irritated although clearly wrong.... I decided to take my chance in the courthouse to refute the charges. Now, I was obviously guilty, but that wasn't a deterrent in the least because in this country, guilt is no indication that one will actually be convicted for their crimes. As we all know Mr. George Zimmerman is a recent example of how obvious guilt can walk free without receiving any related charges, which I kindly explained to the prosecutor that tried to convince me to simply pay the ticket instead of taking it to trial. He said to me, "Obviously you were driving without your license in order, what is there to negotiate?", and I responded, candidly (in popular Afrikan Superstar fashion) "In a country where George Zimmerman walks free, I will certainly take my chances, schedule my court date please." And just like that, he was silenced...... but all the more amazing, was how prior to the court date, I was offered to settle for only the court costs of $50, which I felt like was a reasonable cost to pay.The prosecutor told me they didn't want to have to pay the officer overtime to appear in court. I'm astonished that my guilty persistence paid off..... that despite my obvious crime... I was able to lessen my out of pocket costs.... on a small scale this is the type of abuse that runs rampant in our judicial system... and it is so sickening. However..... with it being a new year.... I'm on a new tract, and that tract is #PushTheEnvelope; #NotGuilty. From this point on.... I will not hesitate to try my hand at any favorable outcome. It is a mind boggling concept for those of us who believe in being right, and disciplining ourselves to do right even when others are not looking, however, I am learning in my adulthood that in many many cases, chances are to be taken. If by chance the courts would have found me guilty, No sweat, because I have never not once disputed my guilt, however, I was going to ride the wagon until the wheels fell off. :-)  

Happy New Years

What is your fashion covering?

Worth Mentioning : Janelle Monae

"When I started my music career, I was a maid. I used to clean houses. My mother was a proud janitor. My stepfather, who raised me like his very own, worked at the post office and my father was a trashman. They all wore uniforms and that’s why I stand here today, in my black and white, and I wear my uniform to honor them.

This is a reminder that I have work to do. I have people to uplift. I have people to inspire. And today, I wear my uniform proudly as a Cover Girl. I want to be clear, young girls, I didn’t have to change who I was to become a Cover Girl. I didn’t have to become perfect because I’ve learned throughout my journey that perfection is the enemy of greatness.

Embrace what makes you unique, even if it makes others uncomfortable." - Janelle Monáe

I ran across this incredibly well spoken artist, and I felt compelled to share it with my readers..... Someone that actually has purpose is someone who is worthy of leadership and the spotlight. So if you are or are no familiar at least you will understand why she does what she does.... kudos Janelle

"Freedom of Speech", #AmendmentNotReally

So, one of the most popular amendments that Americans commonly throw around supposedly to justify their any and every comment, thought, written expression or otherwise... However I have noticed a popular similarity that is disturbing.... It appears that this amendment seems to cover a sheer disproportionate amount of   dereliction and ideology that supports the mass media's agenda over even logical ideas. If someone dare speak out against the status quo, based on obvious truth's, their religion or their experience, they are met with serious backlashes. I want to address this because it is not right and it has been noted by myself and other's that continuously are perceived as negative, judgmental and old fashioned. If you as an individual so feel compelled to promote whatever you choose too, whatever god you choose to worship and or whatever lifestyle you choose to engage in... I too have the right to share mine. Even if mine is not in conjunction with yours. I am not afraid to say the things that are unpopular.... I am not afraid to speak on the things that my religion promotes or does not promote. I think it is truly saddening that so many that do speak on their platforms are met with so much dissension. I do blame the technology and social media though for taking a comment and spreading it like wildfire. I am disgusted by how so many speak their honest thoughts only to momentarily apologize and recant their words. I believe that just as the Bible informs "from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks" that whether you catch alot of kickback for stating the facts.. you actually meant it, and should apologize accordingly. For instance, If you offend, do apologize because you offended, don't however pretend as if you misspoke as you did not. However I do encourage those with boldness to keep standing strong. There is certainly a need for your boldness in this current culture, and this is why you came to be in such a time as this. It reminds me of the story of Esther... who started from very humble beginnings but ended up becoming the queen that was in position to advocate for her people when they were in danger of being executed. Sometimes we may look at why we are met with so much slack.. and why it seems that so many are comfortable selling out, supporting and living in a way that not even they were raised to do. We look at them and wonder why they suppress the inner truth in their soul in pursuit of lust, money and power. How they are so comfortable selling their soul for earthly pleasures.. as we are assured the cost is indicatively specified for our actions. However, many more will be typical than radical..... Many more will silence their morals to appease the crowd, than represent the truth, and in many cases I do not even believe truth is the minority... yet it is simply portrayed that way....   

Two sides to the Coin

As I continue to get older I had been able to determine that all of us.. no matter our origin or creed fall into one of two categories..... We are are either openly broken (in which we share, shamelessly, our faults, deficiencies, shortcomings) or we are secretly conniving (wealthy, powerful and deceptive). I have always surmised myself as proud.... too unwilling to share my weaknesses with the world. I have hated those that beg for everything and talk to anyone who would listen. The type of people that never seem to be proactive in avoiding many of the outcomes of their foolish choices. I unknowingly built myself into a very strong woman because I never wanted to be perceived as weak although I was not exempt of problems. I learned conversely to deal with my problems in private, which I believe from conferring with many people over many years, is the minority choice of how people choose to deal with their issues. They prefer to seek attention and pour it out in any way that they can. Those of us that keep troubles private are perceived as people that don't have problems, and get no empathy even when it is needed. I also believed that people of the same caliber attracted one another, but I was again, painfully found wrong. Now I have come to the conclusion... the we are either or, or as my title affectionately describes, two sides to a coin... that no matter what we are all imperfect people. Honestly those of us that have the means and wherewithal to cover our tracks are usually worse than those that boast theirs... because with this ability usually comes more and more secrets. 

Dear Soldier

Today I read a story about a young soldier that was killed 2 months after his first son was born, and it lead me to question the nature of the sacrifice, especially for young black American soldiers. By all accounts, I know many friends that have enlisted at some point of time…. Commonly lured by the security, opportunity and prospect of assistance with higher educational costs. Most of those that I know never joined because they love this country and want to fight on its behalf….. matter of factly when the time for duty came.. they found themselves upset, unprepared and fearful of all that was at stake. Me personally, I don’t feel like there is any cause worth dying for… especially for this corrupt, deceitful, greedy, oppressive country. I find it an abomination that we actually will present ourselves as an example as affairs nationwide in this country are in disarray. How dare we try to organize issues abroad while Americans suffer? It is irresponsible and I would never ever jeopardize my life or my family to represent a country in which my black people have a very checkered past. Recently, I have been teaching my African husband about slavery, as he is completely amiss about such topics as the Klu Klux Klan, freedom riders, lynching just to name a few, an abomination that this country is yet to try to make right. Even within the military I have heard stories of racism among soldiers that fight on the same platoon….. wear the same uniform…. Represent the same country. It is that very fact that would never allow me to shed my blood. Period. I sympathize with the many black soldiers that have met their demise in our military and their families. And perhaps if you are considering joining the military, I encourage you count up the costs, and if the cost is indeed too high, I encourage you to refrain from putting your most precious commodity of life on the line for a country that stands for all the things that we do.. I ask you to question whether our influence is needed at this current time, or if it would be more wise for us to order our environment first before trying to mold other countries. The below clip showcases some of the challenges that the families of militarily experience as well as a heartfelt surprise. 

Facebook's effects on Communication

Sorry so dark guys.... working on it.

So Absolutely Clever

So I ran across such a wonderful clever article today, I had to reference it with you guys.... So check it out. After recently having a baby and pondering about the true relevance of life. Charles Holmes decided to pursue his dream of becoming a cake maker. He drafted his official notice on a cake in as his brother in law calls it "spectacular" fashion. I found this so clever, and wanted to share it with all of you!

Let Me Vent Series: Newlywed: You are NO expert

Now this post will sound zippy... it will be potent and maybe a bit bitter....., but I am so unnerved by the energetic newlywed who has been married for maybe two weeks... and has become a love 'guru' of sorts, in their own mind, to the extent that they feel in position to advise others........ Perhaps mothers will liken this to the new mothers who gush about what their new babies will and wont do. I guess the truth is that the novelty wears off quick of our new experiences, with anything.....and maybe in these 'gurus' I see the same energetic expectant woman I used to be too.. before life and reality hit me with ten thousand bricks. It is fanciful to expect that we can maintain the same high level of excitement and freshness that comes with a new life change. We all want too... but how likely is it truly? I think it not wise to speak and attempt to advise others on any measure until suffice experience has been gained. Today on Facebook... I witnessed a newlywed going toe to toe with a woman who has been married for about five years. The newlywed was insistent on her stance.. and the other wife simply ended the exchange with "Time will tell you, honey".  Now I will be the first to articulate that in many things in life, we as individuals are certainly the controllers. We have the ability to direct our paths, but when we begin to integrate others (spouse & children) in our lives, it then can get a little bit more difficult to control every aspect. Marriage is one of those areas. In a marriage, you have control over your contributions, but little control over your spouse, although you are accountable for them. It has been my experience that in some cases the more you attempt to control the path of your marriage, the more difficult it can become. This was the message the more seasoned wife was trying to share to the newlywed, simply a fair honest warning.. but the newlywed staunchly advocated that the burden laid mostly on her shoulders.... that her husbands behaviors correspond with her behaviors... I wonder what she will do when he decides to do something independently.... but in the other wives words..... "Time will tell you, honey". Indeed.