Saturday, June 15, 2013
Quality or Quantity?
As I observed many families in a busy super market... I noted many, many women of color with men that looked less than up to par. I noticed women reaching for their wallets when it was time to pay, as the guy looked unconcerned. I wondered what was more important to these women... was it the fact that they had the company of a man, more than the quality of his character, and I wanted to stress the difference between quality and quantity. To be honest, I once dealt with the pressure of being a single black woman.. I dealt with the strange looks, questions, assumptions of my life style. I also dealt with unkind words from guys who didn't meet or accept my expectations... listening to them telling me that I would be single forever and that my expectations were too high. I dealt with unsettling internal worries.... asking myself if my dreams would ever come to pass or if I was destined to be just one of the many black women without a successful, committed relationship. My singleness went on for a while, until I began a whirlwind romance that resulted in a short courtship and eventually marriage. Once married, I considered the cost of this relationship.. and realized that sliding on the rings was only one part of the big picture.. that the nature of marriage was extremely challenging. I understood that I had escalated to a state that many of my peers were anxious to experience, without a full command of it. I would quickly surmise that no matter how long it takes, the quality of a man.. trumps the sheer presence of a man.... I know some woman that married young, and by the time they hit 30, they either were headed for divorce or were simply miserable in their relationships. I have also heard stories of women that married later in their lives, but were fortunate to connect with their soulmate. I would say it is better to spend your life with the one that your soul craves, rather than a filler that wastes your time. I feel that this message needs to be shared, because too many people are settling.. and it comes with a huge cost.... Stay true to yourself.... and reserve your heart for the right one.