Let Me Vent Series: Lets talk Standards in Black & White
So a friend of mine posed a very interesting question on Facebook.... and I wanted to expound my thoughts, here with you... <3 Mark Holmes · 37 followers
In 2012, 51% of white women married but only 26% of black women married. What is it about black women that is causing men to not marry them as much as men marrying white women? Comments anyone?
Now since I am of color.... I wanna address this issue as a black woman who loves black men. I have never been a basher.. but more less a believer of black men's innate potential to become great. I have loved their appearance, creativity and tenacity all of my life.. and initially believed that my husband would be a black man.. However over the years I was met with so many disparaging factors that caused me to move on. As I observed women worldwide of all ethnicity's (Asian, African, Spanish and European) It occurred to me the
phenomenon was happening here in the U.S. at an astonishing pace over other countries. I also observed that foreigners that came here either went one of two directions in life.. they either decided to keep very tight with the existing community here from their home country and marrying from that pool or they assimilated to the western lifestyle in which they would party and become promiscuous or become interested in white American women. As
young black women we are continuously told of the "shortage" of good black men, also coupled with our undying loyalty towards them. Many households are without a proper example of a family unit and how the man an woman SHOULDinteract with each other.... This sets the stage for a dangerous lifestyle. Black women actually feel impressed or empowered to land a black man.. regardless of what he is or has to offer... Some women are reduced to
shameful mediums to keep their prized black man..... Black women are also more likely to settle for a relationship that they are not happy with just for the sake of companionship. On the flip side...... White women are not going for the indefinite girlfriend position.... and I don't even necessarily attribute it to love but gain. White women are all about receiving benefits and they know the benefit of being married and raising your children in such an environment. Unfortunately, Black women seem not to be realizing this.. I even have single friends that are anxious to begin families.. they have told me that if they reach a certain age without being married they will just go and get knocked up and become a single parent.. I believe several of these factors are causing incredible problems within the community because it simple perpetuates the problem further into other generations.... AS my friend
stated this topic on his page.. I heard every excuse in the book from: White women are easy, Black men are afraid of a strong black woman, slavery and various other factors.. but I simply attribute it to the lack of structure in our country and in our mentality. Americans live in a reality in which they seek endless pleasure which is an unrealistic expectation. Women and men alike are looking for a mate that doesn't exist which prolongs marriage as well promotes unhappiness in existing relationships. The meat: What this all boils down is too is expectations. The lack and the establishing of them. It is not popular.. and it can prolong your search for love and companionship, but it can also prevent wasted time and broken hearts. I believe that is one of the key differences between white women and black women, is that white women are usually socialized around married couples throughout their lives, and they do not see getting married as an
unattainable goal, whereas some black women that do get married may be one of the few to have done so in their family. I know that it is difficult, but if you are not getting what you need or what out of a relationship you may considering sharing your thoughts with your mate, and if un-receptive, considering to move on............ If you have invested umpteen years and your mate still doesn't see you as a potential lifelong partner, when do you actually surmise he will? I believe as a generation we must begin to be more realistic about our lives and future. We must analyze those that came before us, and how they actually made life work if we wish to emulate it. If we are not willing to endure anything we can expect to receive what our ancestors did.