Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Let Me Vent Series: Lets talk Standards in Black & White

So a friend of mine posed a very interesting question on Facebook.... and I wanted to expound my thoughts, here with you... <3

Mark Holmes · 37 followers

  • In 2012, 51% of white women married but only 26% of black women married. What is it about black women that is causing men to not marry them as much as men marrying white women? Comments anyone?

    Now since I am of color.... I wanna address this issue as a black woman who loves black 

    men. I have never been a basher.. but more less a believer of black men's innate potential 

    to become great. I have loved their appearance, creativity and tenacity all of my life.. and 

    initially believed that my husband would be a black man.. However over the years I was 

    met with so many disparaging factors that caused me to move on. As I observed women 

    worldwide of all ethnicity's (Asian, African, Spanish and European) It occurred to me the 

    phenomenon was happening here in the U.S. at an astonishing pace over other countries. I 

    also observed that foreigners that came here either went one of two directions in life.. they 

    either decided to keep very tight with the existing community here from their home country 

    and marrying from that pool or they assimilated to the western lifestyle in which they 

     would  party and become promiscuous or become interested in white American women. As


    black women we are continuously told of the "shortage" of good black men, also coupled 

    with our undying loyalty towards them. Many households are without a proper example of a

    family unit and how the man an woman SHOULD interact with each other.... This sets the 

    stage for a dangerous lifestyle. Black women actually feel impressed or empowered to land 

    a black man.. regardless of what he is or has to offer... Some women are reduced to 

    shameful mediums to keep their prized black man..... Black women are also more likely to 

    settle for a relationship that they are not happy with just for the sake of companionship. On 

    the flip side...... White women are not going for the indefinite girlfriend position.... and I 

    don't even necessarily attribute it to love but gain. White women are all about receiving 

    benefits and they know the benefit of being married and raising your children in such an 

    environment. Unfortunately, Black women seem not to be realizing this.. I even have single 

    friends that are anxious to begin families.. they have told me that if they reach a certain age

     without being married they will just go and get knocked up and become a single parent.. I 

    believe several of these factors are causing incredible problems within the community 

    because it simple perpetuates the problem further into other generations.... AS my friend 

    stated this topic on his page.. I heard every excuse in the book from: White women are 

    easy, Black men are afraid of a strong black woman, slavery and various other factors.. but 

    I simply attribute it to the lack of structure in our country and in our mentality. Americans 

    live in a reality in which they seek endless pleasure which is an unrealistic expectation. 

    Women and men alike are looking for a mate that doesn't exist which prolongs marriage as 

    well promotes unhappiness in existing relationships.

    The meat: What this all boils down is too is expectations. The lack and the establishing of 

    them. It is not popular.. and it can prolong your search for love and companionship, but it 

    can also prevent wasted time and broken hearts. I believe that is one of the key differences 

    between white women and black women, is that white women are usually socialized around 

    married couples throughout their lives, and they do not see getting married as an 

    unattainable goal, whereas some black women that do get married may be one of the few 

    to have done so in their family. I know that it is difficult, but if you are not getting what you 

    need or what out of a relationship you may considering sharing your thoughts with your 

    mate, and if un-receptive, considering to move on............ If you have invested umpteen 

    years and your mate still doesn't see you as a potential lifelong partner, when do you 

    actually surmise he will? I believe as a generation we must begin to be more realistic about 

    our lives and future. We must analyze those that came before us, and how they actually 

    made life work if we wish to emulate it. If we are not willing to endure anything we can 

    expect to receive what our ancestors did.

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