Looking good but no function

A recent experience showed me exactly how annoying it really is to have something/ someone that looks good, but without functionality. No one wants a man that looks good, but has no substance; just as no one wants a woman that looks good that doesn't handle the basics (cooking &cleaning). I believe that this is a real issue for us Americans, because alot of the focus of our lives goes into the image rather than the substance. If you don't mind simply having a great image, then no need to change, but if your desire is to have more meaning and more connection in you life, then you will have to cultivate more substance in your life. It is challenging to assess yourself.. or to be assessed by someone that you love, however that assessment can be used as a tool to self improvement and a more fulfilling future. Do not take offense, be open minded and begin to strategize how you will use the feedback to springboard forward.

Black Woman... You are so gorgeous.....

With all the most disparaging things in the American media that can damage and discourage black women, I can not cease to remind all my women of color... how gorgeous you are.. how fantastic and smart you are... and full of innovation. Today, I want to highlight five of our most beautiful qualities:

1. OUR HUMOR
I have to admit.. my friends are some of the most witty and uplifting people I know. They have great spirits and a great sense of humor. I love the fact that in times of despair they are there to restore and alleviate some of life's stresses momentarily.

Some of my most fondest people: Tina,Michelle and Mom

2.OUR "KEEP-IT-TOGETHER-NESS"
No one keeps it all together like my black sisters. We manage to keep our hair together, run a household, take classes, and work a full time job. We balance church with the gym. We make meals out of scraps. We have social lives as we carefully care for our children. Other races marvel at our tenacity and ability to manage so many things at one time.. Kudos, Girl.... keep doing your thing!

Working Girl

3.OUR BOLDNESS
If one thing is for sure, we do not shy when the opportunity to represent,speak up,correct and support comes. From Rosa Parks to Michelle Obama. From Oprah to Sybrina Fulton (Treyvon Martin's Mom).From Aretha to Billie Holiday.... we consistently deliver creativity and heart.We have the ability to shed light and bring about change. We motivate others in our various circles.. and it is an aspect that we do naturally. I am proud of all me women of color that speak from the heart and strategize from their minds..

IN THIS GYM... GOING HARD #TeamSideProfile

4.OUR LOYALTY
We are loyal to the core, no matter the area of our lives. A black woman will not turn her back on her children. If she is a professional, she is full of ambition excelling to the highest of heights. For her man, she will invest and love with all her heart. No one can pull her from her faith... she will trust in God without reservation and dedicate her life. A friend will be a friend for life, even if we have a disagreement or grow apart. I love the fact that I have grown with some of my friends. It is such a blessing to be surrounded by people I know will be there for me on both sunny and rainy days. <3

Me and Morrisa... #FriendsForever

5. OUR VARIETY
I love the versatility of women of color. Some go natural.. some look like Beyonce. Some are petite and some are Amazon women, but its all beauty. It shows the handiwork of our Lord and his divine creativity. We are unmatched. Some of our best physical features are given naturally as the others clamor to augment themselves. Celebrate yourselves! Variety is the spice of life! 

My little sister Alonee and I <3

From Abroad Series

Ebola....quickly reverts stigmas and stereotypes

Perhaps it is my aspirations of seeing the world that makes the Ebola crisis so scary and saddening. Or maybe it is the fact that so many people of color have been ravaged by it, and that was previously not enough to merit a valiant search for a cure or aid. Or maybe it is the fact that I know that morally and politically, America is not on the right tract. I know that judgement is past due for such an country that boldly challenges God which basically beckons him to respond in a way that forces every knee to bow and every tongue to confess. The fact that Ebola has now crossed international boundaries has brought much attention to it.... Futhermore, I can not fail to mention that white Americans that contracted it seemingly survived, although the African man that contracted it died... Many questions plague me, and make me feel so uneasy. Many Americans are so oblivious to matters outside of their own backyard. I feel deep pain for those that have already been touched by loss and grief of losing family to this virus. I read a story today in which some Nigerian students were rejected from an Texan college admission due to the fact that they were coming from 'a region with confirmed Ebola cases'. Its interesting how such things will quickly bring out deep seeded stereotypes. Suddenly every African is suspect for this disease? Since it is now present in the United States does that mean that make every Texan suspected? Or since one of the nurses exposed traveled to Ohio, does that put every Ohioian at risk? Dont get me wrong, I believe that precautions have to be taken and higher consideration must be taken especially with those that are traveling from infected regions... but that does not beckon ignorance... It never ceases to amaze me how primal humans become in crisis, pointing the fingers and shifting blame. Truth be told, I blame the medical community for turning their nose up at this situation and not being proactive because they obviously never saw the potential of it effecting them. I pray that it does not have the profund impact that my soul thinks it will.... Lord help us all  

Black women; The Example, The leaders and the standard

I ran across a random video on Facebook of a non black twerking contest and that's when it hit me why the world is so much more critical of women of color than everyone else, it is because we are the natural born leaders . We are so innovative ,beautiful, confident, and strong. We lead in many different roles...which other races struggle to manage.  We create fashion. .. have always been creative with our hair and nails. .... and although we are consistently criticized we are seemingly emulated from our innate style down to the way we shake our assets. Lets be honest, black women innovated lively dance. Europeans were always conservative in their delicate ballets while African women shook things up. .. twerking is borne to us. Once a white broad does it....they make a big deal. Even from slavery days black women have been superior. unfortunately the credits go unnoticed. We have to learn to find the strength from within to withstand all the derogatory factors around us designed to tear us down... and we have to learn not to ingest the foolishness. Taking it in and beginning to believe it will lead to depression, low self esteem, and dissastifaction in life in general. Take it from me, I know just how frustrating it can be. Im an emotional person and it rips me to the core to see black women be copied but not given credit, but I want to encourage you to stick to your core values when the going gets tough.. Do not give up, and do not give in. Continue to innovate and create. A copy can never be as plush as the original.......  

Handling Disappointment

This subject has been a lifeling lesson for me that i am still learning how to deal with. being raised to be responsible and dependable has cultivated a very result oriented mindset as well as taking things very personal if the desired outcome is not achieved. As a young person i never wanted to be thought of as the flaky one, the person who never answered their phone, the irresponsible, inconsiderate and selfish one. When people somehow let me down i would take it personally. ... not realizing people are socialized as such. If you are like me, you have to learn not to internalize the disappointment.You have to look for positives and draw from that. I know it sounds typical,but your life will become your mentality.

I'm Not Afriad

It takes courage to live in this world... and advocate for certain things... such as God's law, the definition of family, integrity and character. I takes boldness to speak up, and not let injustices happen in front of your face.. It take discipline to order your life, and live righteously even in the privacy of your home or where eyes can't see you... It is not easy feat, but I am not afraid. I am not afraid to be that strong person that I desire to see more prevalent. I am not afraid to transform my life as well.. that I can be an example for others that may struggle yet believe that they can do it. We live in a world where talking and typing are all the rage.. but what are you actually doing.. what steps are you actually taking to make an impact? Is simply stating your thoughts enough to make a difference? Is that enough to change this world? Often when I watch T.V. and witnesses come forth after something heinous has taken place.. the first thing they start talking about is the cardinal signs that they witnessed, yet chose to ignore. They start talking about perhaps what they could have done to change the outcome.. yet i have come to the conclusion talking IS NOT enough... feeling and thinking is not enough.. Ultimately, one will have to take some sort of heed to make a difference. I believe that this is one of the many reasons that our current American culture is so wavering in all that it stands for.. we have so many voices spouting out feelings.. and very few that stand strong and take action.  It takes courage which God has so graciously given me in abundance along with conviction... To overcome the lies we have all been told. I recently took my dream trip to London, United Kingdom and the trip changed me. I took the trip at a pivotal time. I had unexpectedly lost my job and had been experiencing other challenges that were simply leaving me feeling defeated. Coming abroad and seeing the way that the British do life greatly inspired me, and I returned home with a new sense of self..... and elevated ambition. I realized that simply existing is not the sum of life. It actually requires more....which can be summed up by leaving a positive impact. There are plenty evils that can seem to drown out good concepts, but if you forge through.... You will have accomplished the feat of leaving an impact, and no one can take that from you.

Learning to be thankful

Its unfortunate that it takes so much time and changes to bring us to realizations that should have always been evident. Over this past year i have learned so much. I finally realized my dream of traveling solo to London and was also let go abruptly the day before my trip from my job of nearly four years. I worked at an unconditioned warehouse for a month in the heat of summer... i learned my dreams are for me, not the world. I used to resent the people that depended on me for leadership, motivation and encouragement. I also hated my job. However, all these experiences propelled me into an exciting new chapter of my life... filled with adventure and hope. I've learned to embrace the platform that I have been given. To begin to see my beauty and intelligence as an attractive thing instead of a burden. I feel totally motivated and am working diligently towards future success. If you happen to be a person that has rarely experienced lack, I know that life may seem bleak and dis interesting, but I challenge yourself to see it in a different light. Take yourself to a homeless shelter. Ride a city bus into work.... look with unbridled sight into the life of someone less fortunate so that you may be able to enjoy the many blessings God has bestowed upon you. Our talents are not a vice, they are meant to be used and multiplied. Those of us with a sound mind are meant to perpetuate hope... not detail all that is wrong with the world. We have a tenacity that most long to possess.. let us be wise and operate in our purpose.

The J Talk Series: Black on Black Gun Violence

Why I Fell In Love With Africa

Growing up in the United states has not been a walk in the park. I have so many varied memories, and with me being a progressive person, I have spent many days, hours and years trying to understand the complexity that is of a colored person living and growing in the states. I have watched many of my peers progress smoothly through life, without delay, without depression as they pursue and achieve their dreams. I have watched close friends marry and have children, but their houses, finance that car they always wanted and pondered why my path could not also be so easily defined. Sometimes I even wondered if I was crazy and imagining all the boundaries that I have been confronted with until I found others that experience it too. I tried to find solace among my peers only to be rejected by their insecurities. I tried to bridge the gap as well with the others races only to be met with ignorance and resistance. I felt lost, undefined and saddened, that even in the largest most diverse country I was still a loner and an outsider. It was a combination of all these factors that cultivated my love and fascination of Africa and Africans. Over the years, I was always received and perceived well among Africans. I noticed how they didn't suffer with the same identity crisis that black Americans struggle with. Somehow even with their great journeys an sacrifice to move here and start again, they had unwavering purpose. The men have always been respectful, generous and encouraging and not to mention strikingly gorgeous. To date I have not been able to establish the sort of relationship that I would like with the ladies, outside of my inlaws. I could always see the beauty in them, and the strength of their character although many Americans have them pegged wrongly. I have made lifelong friends with Africans and felt at ease, as if i didn't need to change this skin or aspire to be anything else. When I think about Africa, I am met with great mystery. I wonder what the experience of traveling there will be, as I will more than likely visit west Africa first. I wonder if I will be just seen as another tourist and not as someone of color. 

The Black Trophy Wife....A Rare Concept.

Its very interesting the journey that some of us women of color take. Some grow up with a silver spoon and are left searching and unsatisfied, and the rest grow up with lack and grow up longing and empty. In a culture where lack is way more common (which this article is specifically for my single American black women), the concept of the trophy wife is not  popularly discussed or even a concept that many relate too. Early in my blog I discussed the difference between the passionate model of relationship versus the provider type of relationship. It has occurred to me, that more often these days, Black women are growing up seeking the passionate model, yet a few have managed to bag a provider. We fantasize about having a man take care of us financially, and provide us the finer things... never knowing what that entails. White women are more familiar with being a trophy wife, but today I want to dispel some things that go along with your provider.
Simply put, as intelligent individuals we observe life, and naturally focus on what we do well. We sometimes learn how to manipulate the system to get what it is we want. Based on what assets one has will determine their approach. Commonly men that lack means will use charisma and sex to attract a woman. They struggle to do anything related to commitment and also lack follow through. So in this model you can live with, have children with and spend years together without any level of planned progress. The minute you try to suggest structure, this type of man will buck up against you. These types tend to be confident, handsome, very passionate, good in bed, funny, lovable and convincing.

Conversely the Provider will be built differently. He is not impulsive and believes in making a plan for mostly everything. He has gone to school, has a nice car,money saved, is independent yet introverted. He lacks social skills and or has little to none relationship experience. He lacks confidence, and uses the material things he has acquired to attract a woman. He offers her security and commitment sometimes at the expense of emotional connection and intimacy. In public, the provider will praise his wife, but in his home he will retreat. Such behavior will leave his mate feeling perplexed and lonely, meanwhile all your friends and family will adore your husband, as he has the best image in public. Your provider is likely to silence your complaints with gifts and material things while the passion has nothing to offer you but words.

Therefore it is my assumption that whichever side of the coin you land on, be prepared for the associated costs of that selection. The provider will come with a more complex set as the issues the passion are more trivial. No matter what, remember to keep calm and carry on...... :-)

Joseph's coat of many colors: Its your dream not theirs

Recently my Pastor has been preaching alot on Joeseph's experience both about his dreams and his journey. The most profound piece was his brothers response to his dreams. Joeseph shared two dreams to his brothers that reflected him as the superior and his brothers were not pleased.  The fact of the matter is that your dreams are YOUR dreams. Others can assist you along your journey, but may not be able to share your passion for your dream. Not only were his brothers unhappy with the vision, but they went as far as to conspire against him. I have learned over the years to keep my plans to myself because of the reception i have received.  I have learned that others may not rejoice for me or wish to even take part. It is for us to write our own storybook and pursue our dreams. Joseph teaches us that even n some cases even our family will not understand or comprehend our dreams. Be strong a carry on.

Let Me Vent Series:Happy Father's Day to Single Mothers???? ; Ludicrous

Single parents in our society is an awful trend, and I will never deny that, However we need to understand and acknowledge the truth. On Facebook this past father's day there was much debate about whether single mothers should be wished a happy fathers day. My say??? Absolutely not. A mother will always be a mother. She does not take the place of the father in his absence. I believe the whole movement is a play to get attention and sympathy. I know that in some cases unforeseen situations have resulted in single parents.... but... lets keep it all the way real, the majority of single parents are the result of unwise decision making, and as always I come down tough on the ladies, because no matter what we will always take the brunt and the blame for unplanned/unwanted pregnancy. Even in marriage, a wife needs to be clear that the majority of parenting will undoubtedly fall on her. So to reiterate, it is quite simple. Mother's have their own day to be recognized, and further more... Parents should not be so desperate to be acknowledged on these holidays anyway; the purpose is to acknowledge you for what you are expected to be doing and providing for your children. You are not doing anything extraordinary by raising your children... you are actually doing the bare minimum.... #IJS

Role Model? I Think Not Mrs. Carter

Seems to me its all coming out Bey! OOOOPS!

I have heard so many mixed reviews of the Beyonce 'Drunk In Love' performance at the 2014 Grammy award shows. Now me personally, I don't much follow awards shows as I seldom even watch t.v. However with all the hoopla, I watched the performance on YouTube, and now I want to share my thoughts on the whole subject matter:

First of all, I think it is quite the shame that Beyonce can not strike a balance in which she is sexy yet classy and tasteful. I do not believe it is proper for a married woman, performer or not to be dressed so provocatively on the world stage. Beyonce is quite aware of her influence on not only women, but also young women, and shame on her for sending the improper message. I wish so many people did not idolize her.. because she has it all wrong. If any regular wife were to follow her example, her husband would be upset that his wife was showing off all of her assets for everyone to see. The show and tell is supposed to be reserved for the privacy of your husband only. JayZ strategicly exploits his wife, as we can see there is no limit to what she would do for his happiness.

I also think it Ironic that while she struts around scantily clad, her husband is dressed to the nines in an expensive tuxedo looking like the epitome of elegance. So many people love the combination of JayZ and Beyonce not realizing that he has consistently zipped her lips over the years forbidding her to speak on their relationship. And lets not get on the fact that he hand picked her when she was a teenager, molding her into his little sex kitten... smh

Now they are going on tour together, and some seats have astronomical price tags, and the people scramble to get them... at any rate. Im not interested. I used to love JayZ and actually went to one of his concerts a few years ago, but I can't support their deception and stand by idly while they mislead the crowds with their false image. I just think this is a sad state of affairs, when someone who doesn't even have anything to say (because when is the last time you heard Beyonce say ANYTHING profound) is in a position of influence..... sad.

And the elevator situation couldn't have come at a more pivotal time. Her behavior when she was unaware that anyone was watching shows greatly what she is made of. As a wife, there is no way that i would allow my sister to berate my husband like that, even in the circumstance that he was in the wrong. Mrs. Carter, supposedly 'running the world' and what not, was as tame a pussy cat. Not at all what I would expect from the finger snapping, attitude toting diva.. hmmmmmmmmmm #ActionsSpeakLouder

The Real Black "Supermodel"

I ran across this picture, and felt like I should share because I'm not sure if alot of mom's understand the gravity as their role as a mother to the next generation. Often, parents entertain foolish behaviors that becomes the foundation of their child's life, and as someone concerned about the future, I am extremely observant. Many grow up in households where they wish they were elsewhere, only to attempt to mold a lifestyle that will leave them unfulfilled. These people tend to displace the blame, and believe that the solution of their problems is on the other side. Not so, unfortunately. But preparing your child the best that you possibly can, and being honest about some of the challenges that people of color face, you give them a tremendous start in their lives. For the woman of color, there are many disparaging obstacles that may face them, there is no need to further put them behind the eight-ball. Naturally, what our parents, and I place most of that weight on the mothers, expose us to forms our personality and perspective. It is beyond critical that we do the most thorough job as possible. Do you think your children really want to be a thug like their no good daddy? Do you think your daughter should invite provocative attention distracting her from school and progress? And of course,  there are two sides to the coin. Do you think that because you have arrived that your black child turn his or her back on the community that they no longer feel a part of? All such things play a factor.Think about it. 

Staying Relevant

It is one of the most difficult and challenging things to do for any person of substance. Often you will feel the harsh friction while trying to promote your message, and In some cases it can be extremely discouraging. Some fall into the abyss and fall off... others understand the pressure to stay relevant, to maintain and continue forward. This message is especially relevant for me at this current time in my life. I have become somewhat a recluse as I have not been working for a few months. I have kept an extremely low profile, and I know my followers have been waiting for fresh videos & posts. I apologize for the drought, I almost forgot how to keep moving. ;-) but I assure you, I'm back and coming stronger than ever. #TheBlackJetLagProject is still underway and just received a generous donation <3

Self Medication & Other Distractions

I realize that life is often comprised of endless and discouraging obstacles that threaten to destroy, delay or hinder your future, and often times we take even more detrimental actions by self medicating ourselves with things we understand will not alleviate or aid our problems. Sometimes self medicating becomes a problem in itself by cultivating some type of addiction or insatiable desire. It could be anger, violence, sex, alcohol, drugging, over eating, retail therapy,stealing, or scheming..... only you know what spells relief for you when you are upset or sad. My charge for all of you is to find a positive outlet. No one can get you on track but yourself, and diverting your path can do you so much more harm than good. Self medicating is a subject that most like to avoid because it applies to all of us in some form or fashion. However, unhealthy urges can be conquered.. and the daily frustrations of life can be channeled into better avenues. I just want to send some encouragement out to those beating back their "medicine booty" as my Pastor calls it, and to let you know.. you aren't the only one fighting.. but you can win!

The Gastric Bypass Fakers

The Creation of Single-Motherdom; Daddy's Maybe, Mother's Baby

With Mother's day just passing.. I find it fitting to discuss my reasoning behind the disproportionate single motherhood that cradles the African American community. Many will not want to hear or acknowledge this truth.. but it is still relevant. I read my Facebook feed yesterday and was somewhat disappointed in many of the status's from the single mothers because I happened to know some of their stories personally. I happened to know how they understood clearly the questionable circumstances they were bringing children into, yet they proceeded. I remembered hearing the warnings from family, friends and even sometimes the other women that also had children with these guys, yet for some reason, the women still chose to believe and hope to a fault. Now fast forward to present times... and these same women complain that the father of their children wants no parts. He chooses not to invest in their child. Chooses not to support and is cold and is also callous to the mother of their child/children. Common sense would tell someone that in many many cases the past is a great indicator of future performance. Therefore, I believe that BAD JUDGEMENT is the #1 source of this epidemic. I hold the women mostly responsible for their own demise, although it takes two to make the baby. In every childbirth the woman is the one that sacrifices the most. They have everything to lose or gain by an unwanted pregnancy which requires an elevated sense of prevention. We have seen it as a reoccurring theme in our culture, and should not be so foolish to ignore the cardinal signs, this is not a game. This is our future... One can not inflict responsibility. One can not mature another person or impute the importance of parenthood... Such things are an individual's responsibility. Honestly I believe most these culprits hope falsely that the child would be the glue that bonds the relationship.

Now perhaps you feel like I'm coming way too hard on the ladies, but I am more concerned with the social impacts to our community too sit by idly as I see my peers making repetitive mistakes. I am upset that in a society where we have the most exposure and the most prevention of unwanted/unplanned pregnancies, this issue is still rampant. I understand the unforeseen factors that have fostered some single parents, but the vast majority of people are CHOOSING this walk, and they are sacrificing the best interests of their children for their selfishness and foolishness. I once crossed one of the most gorgeous women I have ever seen in my life, who shared with me she was Haitian and Indian. I proceeded to ask her if she had ever been to India, and that's when she poured out some the of the realities of her specific experience. She shared with me that neither her mother or father could handle her birth, and that she had been shuffled around foster cares her whole life. She told me of the struggle to find herself because of the lack of connection to her heritage. I wondered what her parents motives were.. if it was a one night stand or forbidden union. Both of them failed to take any responsibility, and left their baby girl to find her way on her own. One moment of conception totally shaped someone else's life. Becoming a parent should never be taken as lightly as it is in modern day society. On moment of pleasure impacts the whole world. Think intently about the quality of your child's life, childhood and future before you rashly make choices. Word.

"They Ain't Never Seen A Nigger On A Horse Before"

As many of you know,  The Black Jet Lag Project is well underway, and yesterday I had a cyber conversation with a childhood friend of mine over Facebook. He seemed to be confused with my plan, and vehemently implied that it would not be successful, and for just a moment I found myself getting flustered, offended and discouraged. Until I decided to turn those emotions into determination. Until I decided that he would eat his words. Much more than the other cultures, do we as black people make a habit of preying and disheartening our peers when ideas or concepts are unveiled. We watch others live out their fanciful wishes yet feel as if we can not 'play in that arena'. Instead of supporting, we lay and wait for failure so that we can gloat. However, I just want to encourage other innovators, creators and dreamers out there not to be limited by other people's small scopes. Every great  innovator had to go against the grain to bring his ideas to the surface. The masses have always historically been inapt to change, and typically reject new concepts. It can be very hurtful, but as a visionary we must push on.  One day I was really down about the stifling environment I was dealing with at my then work place and how sometimes I realize the empty stare in people's eyes when they interact with me. A good friend of mine, Lawrence Young II, once broke down the concept of a memorable line from the movie D'Jango. There is a scene in the movie in which D'jango played by Jamie Foxx rides into town on a horse beside his white partner. Everyone in the town was struck completely speechless at the sight of a black man riding a horse. His partner noticed the shock and awe and asked D'jango what everyone was staring at. D'Jango simply replied, "They ain't never seen a nigger on a horse before". When I first watched the movie, the profoundness didn't hit me, but once my friend reiterated it for me... I was greatly taken aback. Simply, there may be times in your life in which you are the first expression of whatever you may represent to the people around you. Perhaps you are the first highly educated person of color in a rural community. Maybe you are the first entrepreneur in your family.. Maybe you have dreams of doing things that no one else around you have ever had... whatever you may be, you are the first one they have ever seen, coming into town, destroying boundaries, riding on a horse. I like to think of myself that way... except not a dirty, un groomed person... yet extremely polished and gorgeous riding in on a beautiful flawless white stallion. Shocking and stealing the breath away of all the doubters.... making it clearly evident that all things are possible. May you be inspired by the opposition.... may you continue your journey to victory...

~Afrikan Superstar