Cultural differences: Very low expectations

Unfortunately abroad in the rest of the world American women have a terrible reputation. Especially black women due to the medias' portrayal of black women. We are shown as dramatic women with lots of illegitimate children. Seen as having attitudes and being over the top. Perceived as easy or sexually promiscuous. Sometimes foreign men will approach you with all these stereotypes inbred. They will attempt to do things with you and treat you in a way they never would with women from their own country: ask you for money, refuse to take you out, try to get sex without commitment etc. You will need to set the record straight immediately if you detect any of this behavior. If you so choose to date a foreign person, it is very important to get a grasp of their culture. It is important to meet their friends and family and observe how they behave. I can tell you most native foreigners frown on women with tattoos and that use profanity. Also if you are able, try to make friends with some ladies from their country and study them. You do not have to observe them, but I guarantee understanding him on that level will greatly benefit your relationship.

A lesson of maturity; transitioning from girlfriend to wife

In America women are promoted to be equal with our men. We are told that we can lead our houses just like men. We go to the finest schools, buy expensive power-suits,enter corporate America and lead. we are taught to believe that we can operate successfully like a man in every dimension, which is mortally false. These are some of the reasons I believe we struggle to find love with a real man, or if we manage to attract real man, the reason I believe we fail to maintain it. As a wife i have accepted the fact that I can not contend with my husband. I have watched as the double standards have penetrated our house and its not just my house... but the house of all my other married friends as well. A real wife must be patient and humble. which is the complete inverse for many of us that have been molded into this 'independent'creature. Its hard for us to sit back and let someone take the credit for all of our hard work. After all, we climbed the ladder on our own recognizance, no one ever made excuses for us. However I am here to tell you... none of that matters if you desire to have the type of man that will take care of you. Your marriage will require the utmost level of sacrifice and you will have to deprogram all that you have been taught of the 'independent' woman. There is a reason that marriage of yesteryear survived so long... and I believe it in large part to attributed to women knowing their place... It was never that the husbands didn't challenge the wives... but it was the take of the wives on the importance of the commitment and the togetherness of the family that convinced them to push through tough times. It taught resilience.. which is now absent in our current culture. As a girlfriend, you can make demands.. you get the luxury of liberty; or pushing the boundaries, but as the wife you will find yourself locked into sometimes extremely taxing and trying situations. It took me a while to learn the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. The girlfriend stage is all about you whereas the wife stage is all about him. I must also again state these are the thoughts and opinion of my blog.. you dont have to subscribe to them in any way.... but these are my real life observations. Especially if you happen to be dating an African man.. you will def experience the difference. African men cherish their wives, no matter what. They look at her as someone to be respected and not defiled. As the girlfriend you will experience more liberty.

Cultural Differences: The Effect of External Influences on Your African Man

I selected an African man for specific reasons: Genes, Tradition, Community,Ambition among others just to name a few. However, I was unaware of the large influence that he would be subjected too living in the states. Some foreigners hold fast to their foreign way of life, but you will find many others are more open to experiencing American life since their migration. For me.... this became somewhat of an issue. My husband went from enjoying the occasional soccer game to watching every NBA & NFL game. He went from listening to Makossa (Cameroonian french music) to repeating the lyrics of 2chainz and Lil Wayne. He went from tailored suits to a more casual look to blend in with his peers except I didn't want all those things.... those were actually the very attributes I wanted to avoid, and I found myself extremely frustrated by his ability to be influenced in what I regarded as an negative direction. It caused us much strife in the beginning because I was very estranged from who my husband was becoming.. and he didn't understand why I was upset. I felt duped and lied too because of course I wanted an "African" man. American influence is very strong, and I now can understand that being away from home is such a big transition. Eventually my husband learned exactly why certain things were not favorable, and reverted back to the groundwork that he had learned, but he did also tell me that I had to learn patience with him. He also desired to have the same sense of belonging that any other human wishes to have. If you are dating a man that has recently come to the states, this can present a huge hurdle for you, as all of the experiences you have come to have after a lifetime of learning, your mate is just beginning that journey as an adult. My advice would be communicate with your mate. I often explained lyrics to songs and broke down the connotations of slang. My husband shared how hilarious it was to learn some of the meanings of movies and music that he had learned whilst abroad. To him, they were simply words, and African Americans that had made it and become successful were simply icons. Alot of the media that foreigners are shown abroad about the American life is misleading and alluring all at the same time. As is it our home we know the fact from fiction, but a foreigner would never be able to make that discernment until they had the opportunity to experience it for themselves.

Cultural Differences....The Newly Married African Wife (Cooking)

Cameroonian Love

This has been the most difficult aspect of marriage for me. As people of color sometimes we may all overlook that we are all very culturally different although our appearance is similar. You could be a brown person from America, Brazil, Africa, the Islands or even Europe... and  based on your environment and upbringing.... we can be vastly different. I never considered it, but I had the best attitude when I decided to begin a relationship with a Cameroonian man. Based on how welcoming his friends and family were, I was anxious to trade in my stars and stripes for a new world. I delved into African Entertainment (music and movies) to become more aware. I researched my husband's country online. I asked him countless questions as to not be perceived as rude or inappropriate around his friends. I listened carefully to their language (Pigden broken English) and kept abreast the conversations as much as possible. These were my efforts of the girlfriend. However as the wife, I was confronted with more difficult aspects of cultural differences. First and foremost.... I would highly suggest learning how to cook food for your husband that he likes. In the African culture... and this goes for all African countries, cooking for your husband and your family is essential. It is perceived as impersonal or lazy to constantly be offering to take someone out to eat vs in the American lifestyle, going out to eat and spending money is perceived as something you do to someone valuable. I am definitely someone that prefers being served and going out, but I learned early from my husband that it was not acceptable . He didn't mind going occasionally.... but throughout the week, he wanted home cooked food. At first I would cook staple foods, grilled chicken and veggies, Spaghetti, potatoes and things like that only to see the food sit in the refrigerator untouched. Apparently my husband enjoyed spicy food, and my food just wasn't packed with the familiar punch he was accustomed. He didn't enjoy most American classics (Macaroni, pizza, pastas, mashed potatoes and such) as some dishes had too much sugar or dairy, which is not always a big part of the African diet. Diary can sometimes be very expensive in Africa. Also he was accustomed to meals cooked from scratch in large portions (I learned to eventually cook on the weekends to last for the whole week). Nonetheless, It hurt my feelings, so after getting frustrated. I would just quit cooking altogether. My husband is a quiet introverted man, so his frustration with my cooking or not cooking would just bottle up inside of him. He wouldn't complain, but would respond in different ways. Eventually I learned a few recipes from online (YouTube was helpful),asked some of his family to email me recipes, and prepared them for him.Now do be prepared to go to the African Market to find some ingredients as everything may not be available in your regular grocer. I asked him ways to make it better, and he helped. Now I do realize some women are stubborn, and they believe that they should not have to make sacrifices and that a man should just take them the way that they are, however I do not subscribe to these foolish ways. I believe in making my husband happy and comfortable... so it was my desire to learn things that he likes to please him. Now if you are dating an African man with hopes or even a notion of the prospect of marriage, I would highly suggest that you cultivate this skill. Some African women do not regard American women as real competition for the African man... which means although he is married to you... they may feel that they still have a chance. Sometimes they will pretend to be a helpful friend to your husband.. by offering to cook his food. To alleviate it this happening, you want to put yourself in the best position by providing him the comforts at home. Be interested in his world, not that you don't have your own needs ,but learn to be accommodating.... because those are the kind of women they are used too and are attracted to. I must admit once I got over the cooking issue, the tension in our house was cut significantly. In my case, my husband did not want to communicate his true feelings on the subject at first, because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but it was my responsibility to read his strange behaviors and find out what was bothering him. Below, I have showcased some popular meals that can be prepared for you Cameroonian man.... make sure if you search for recipes online you are specific to the country you are looking for, as there are many different variations such as Ghanaian Jelouf rice vs. Cameroonian Jelouf rice.

Tomato Stew: One of my Husband's absolute favorites, and easy to make

Groundnut (Peanut) Soup & Fufu

Jalouf Rice

Eru & Fried Plantains

Puff Puff Balls

U kno we goin party hard

The Valleydale

So... I'm sure many of you know that I have married a very handsome African man from the country of Cameroon and diving into the wonderful world of their culture & food has been enlightening. With my very own mother being foreign (from the beautiful island Bermuda) I have always been very receptive and intrigued by others from abroad. Over the years I could clearly see the differences from the American youth I was surrounded with everyday, and I was always drawn to the ways of the foreign youth. Many things that I enjoy about my husband are second nature to him because that was how he was raised. Unfortunately & honestly, there are many things I don't enjoy about some American guys I have dated in the past. Some black men feel on a pedestal if they are actually doing the functions of an educated, adult young person, and that you are fortunate to have them. Others just have way too much baggage. Either they have children from previous relationships or bad habits: Smoking, drinking, lack of motivation, and or lack of independence.Unlike many women I know though, I was not afraid to step out the box in regards to my love life. Too many women are loyal to men that refuse to entertain their expectations for the course of the relationship. Prior to marrying, I dated Spanish, White and Islander. I online-dated. I kept an open mind that love could possible come in a different package. Had I had tunnel vision, I would have overlooked my husband because he was 'different' than the normal. You see, the area of commitment & family is not a struggle for foreign people because it is a concept in which they have been exposed to all their lives. My husband's community is very connected. Whereas, unfortunately in our country, many have not had the benefits of seeing that vision, so they then lack the expectation of producing it for themselves. Progression is not a fear for many of them that have decided to move to the U.S. and they are very ambitious. My husband's friends are doctor's, engineers, bankers and pharmacists. They are handsome, tall with good genes and gorgeous teeth. They work hard and will provide without prodding, and I can't speak for every home, but my husband is a very calm person. He has never raised his voice or hand to me... even in taxing situations. As hard as they work, they party.. at the appropriate time, and I give you all this information as to share how much I truly enjoy going to African parties and events with my husband and our friends. A few weeks ago, we attended a huge party to commemorate Ghana's independence day (March 6th) at the beautiful Valleydale party hall.

Some sweet differences from and African party versus an Black party:

Every body will be dressed up...nobody wants to be that scrub -_- 

My husband, cousins and friend

Mr. & Mrs Effoe

Fresh too death

 

Both guys and girls will dance the night away....no wall flowers

Get it, get it!!!!

It's going down

No Violence and great music the whole night through!

In closing:
Ladies, I would seriously encourage you to be more open minded about dating. If you are unhappy and under appreciated where you are and who you are with.. it is time to move on. Some men will treat you as the valuable person that you are. With previous guys, they didn't want to take me anywhere... spend and money or give me a title. Now I hit the jackpot! My husband proudly takes me with him, we go to movies out to eat.. He even will come with me sometimes to hang out with my parents. Not to say that every relationship wont have its troubles, because we certainly had to get over some cultural differences, however, the time I spend investing in my marriage to make it better is outweighed by the benefits of having this man in my life and in our future. I thank God for bringing him across seas to find me. Together, we will become more.

 Above is a hot party track from the Ghanian community, check it out!!!