Showing posts with label Black women married to west African man. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Black women married to west African man. Show all posts

Friday, March 21, 2014

Cultural Differences: The African King.. To Be Respected



Unlike some or the weak black men of the United States that lack confidence, an African man knows his identity.. he knows his place, and aspires to measure up to his potential. From the time he is born, he is celebrated and fussed about. He grows up in a culture that respects and caters too African men and promotes brotherhood among each other. If you are courting with an African man, you must understand this, and provide him the utmost respect. You may also invest time and research to learning about his culture as you develop your relationship. Not that you have to sacrifice your character, but it will make understanding your man much easier. In African cultures, the woman is the backbone of the family, she pulls it together, but the man is the head of the family, just as the Bible has always instructed. I have heard many people talk about how arrogant African men appear to be, however if you understand where he is coming from, you can decode him. I honestly believe that people mistake an African's confidence as arrogance. In many cases foreign men have lived very well abroad and are accustomed to a certain quality of life. This can be defined as lifestyle. 
Caring for your man shows him your appreciation. Small things such as serving his meal, complimenting him and his contributions to your family and other small thoughtful gestures stroke him to the core. He may not verbalize it, but it solidifies his manhood. Unlike American men, African men strongly embody the responsibility of their families. You will never see an African man living comfortably while his children go without or his wife is left miserable. You can always be assured that as he holds himself to a high standard, he is well aware that his family is also an extension of himself. He will pursue education tirelessly and work consistently. At his side you will see progress as he shares his blessings with you. 
African men love black women, and seek to begin families with one. They love us in a varieties of colors and appreciate our curvy figures. My husband never complains about my looks unlike some extremely critical American guys I have dated in the past that were constantly trying to mold me into something else. Exploits with women outside of their race are not always honored or recognized by their families, and unlike some American men, African men respect their family and desire to please their parents.
From my experience, African men are peaceful, quiet men.They desire to have a harmonious household and will do their part to help. I have never known one to raise their hand or be violent although it is a stereotype I am constantly confronted with. My husband holds in his emotions never ever raising his voice at me when he is frustrated. It requires me meeting him on his level. Naturally being raised here in the United States teaches a woman to be more verbal and assertive. I learned early on not to approach him like this. It got me nowhere. When you are dealing with someone special you have to learn to have respect in the way that you address them, and just like the age old saying you will always be able to get more flies with honey than with vinegar. 
If you happen to date a foreign man, remember that he is different. Learn how to communicate calmly with him, as you may have gotten a wrong impression from him, that was not meant in the context that you took it. I have found that people that were not raised here are a bit more free thinking and innocent. Although many Americans of are defensive and cautious of people, foreigners tend to see the best of situations. I have found that my husband is devoid of many emotional issues, and is very trusting of people, however with time, he has acclimated to life in America.
Hoped this provided some proper instruction on how to regard your precious African man....and insight :-)

Saturday, March 1, 2014

Cultural Differences....The Newly Married African Wife (Cooking)





Cameroonian Love


This has been the most difficult aspect of marriage for me. As people of color sometimes we may all overlook that we are all very culturally different although our appearance is similar. You could be a brown person from America, Brazil, Africa, the Islands or even Europe... and  based on your environment and upbringing.... we can be vastly different. I never considered it, but I had the best attitude when I decided to begin a relationship with a Cameroonian man. Based on how welcoming his friends and family were, I was anxious to trade in my stars and stripes for a new world. I delved into African Entertainment (music and movies) to become more aware. I researched my husband's country online. I asked him countless questions as to not be perceived as rude or inappropriate around his friends. I listened carefully to their language (Pigden broken English) and kept abreast the conversations as much as possible. These were my efforts of the girlfriend. However as the wife, I was confronted with more difficult aspects of cultural differences. First and foremost.... I would highly suggest learning how to cook food for your husband that he likes. In the African culture... and this goes for all African countries, cooking for your husband and your family is essential. It is perceived as impersonal or lazy to constantly be offering to take someone out to eat vs in the American lifestyle, going out to eat and spending money is perceived as something you do to someone valuable. I am definitely someone that prefers being served and going out, but I learned early from my husband that it was not acceptable . He didn't mind going occasionally.... but throughout the week, he wanted home cooked food. At first I would cook staple foods, grilled chicken and veggies, Spaghetti, potatoes and things like that only to see the food sit in the refrigerator untouched. Apparently my husband enjoyed spicy food, and my food just wasn't packed with the familiar punch he was accustomed. He didn't enjoy most American classics (Macaroni, pizza, pastas, mashed potatoes and such) as some dishes had too much sugar or dairy, which is not always a big part of the African diet. Diary can sometimes be very expensive in Africa. Also he was accustomed to meals cooked from scratch in large portions (I learned to eventually cook on the weekends to last for the whole week). Nonetheless, It hurt my feelings, so after getting frustrated. I would just quit cooking altogether. My husband is a quiet introverted man, so his frustration with my cooking or not cooking would just bottle up inside of him. He wouldn't complain, but would respond in different ways. Eventually I learned a few recipes from online (YouTube was helpful),asked some of his family to email me recipes, and prepared them for him.Now do be prepared to go to the African Market to find some ingredients as everything may not be available in your regular grocer. I asked him ways to make it better, and he helped. Now I do realize some women are stubborn, and they believe that they should not have to make sacrifices and that a man should just take them the way that they are, however I do not subscribe to these foolish ways. I believe in making my husband happy and comfortable... so it was my desire to learn things that he likes to please him. Now if you are dating an African man with hopes or even a notion of the prospect of marriage, I would highly suggest that you cultivate this skill. Some African women do not regard American women as real competition for the African man... which means although he is married to you... they may feel that they still have a chance. Sometimes they will pretend to be a helpful friend to your husband.. by offering to cook his food. To alleviate it this happening, you want to put yourself in the best position by providing him the comforts at home. Be interested in his world, not that you don't have your own needs ,but learn to be accommodating.... because those are the kind of women they are used too and are attracted to. I must admit once I got over the cooking issue, the tension in our house was cut significantly. In my case, my husband did not want to communicate his true feelings on the subject at first, because he didn't want to hurt my feelings, but it was my responsibility to read his strange behaviors and find out what was bothering him. Below, I have showcased some popular meals that can be prepared for you Cameroonian man.... make sure if you search for recipes online you are specific to the country you are looking for, as there are many different variations such as Ghanaian Jelouf rice vs. Cameroonian Jelouf rice.
Tomato Stew: One of my Husband's absolute favorites, and easy to make
Groundnut (Peanut) Soup & Fufu
Jalouf Rice


Eru & Fried Plantains


Puff Puff Balls