Let Me Vent Series: The Seeds We Sow (Bobbi Kristina Edition)

In lieu of the recent tragedy of Bobbi Kristina.. it caused  me to think of some of the consequences from the seeds that we sow. In the case of Bobby Brown he watched alongside the entire country the consequences of his wreck less lifestyle. He watched his wife waste away and destroy her career. Whitney never rebounded from the blow that Bobby's influence had in her life, and as of late neither did his own daughter. Its as if to say that two lives were completely wasted because of Bobby's inability to get his family on track. I have always believed that your children are a direct manifestation of how you live your life in the privacy of your home... In essence a filthy rich 21 year old girl who had everything ahead of her could see no value in life after her mother passed away. I can think of nothing more terrible than losing my family in the form and fashion that Bobby has. I believe that sometimes we make selfish choices in regards to tolerating certain things not realizing that it will also be inflicted in our children. Whitney loved Bobby so much that she exposed her child to a wild and reckless lifestyle. Whitney was not strong enough for that lifestyle.. the cost was great for her although Bobby has gone on to marry and start a new family. Just remember often times the costs we 'think' we are willing to pay is no match for the actual cost we WILL actually pay in the end. The ending to this family is tragic,sad and yet was totally preventable. It is also an epic example for the believer that evil can overtake your life and YOU will be the one to suffer and pay higher costs than the others that also participate in even the same deed. 

Let Me Vent Series: People That Break Promises/Commitments

If you felt a twinge or a sting reading the title because you know it applies to you... I'm not going to apologize because I cant stand people that do it. I cant stand it when you do it to children.. I cant stand it when you do it to your friends... and I have no respect when you do it to your spouse or your parents. If you have no intention of following through with your words, don't speak it.. It does nothing but hurt and disappoint the people that love and trust you. The truth is.. we want to believe in you. We want you to measure up to the things that you say you will do. Being trustworthy is not that difficult. Its not something that is impossible. And if you happen to realize that you have been faulty in this area, you can improve. Take it one day at a time, and start with the small stuff: returning text messages/ emails. Trying to come to work on time. Doing activities consistently like going to the gym or attending worship services. Let your quest to be more reliable start with you. I guarantee it is a change that you wont regret.

Let Me Vent Series: Making Excuses for Bad Behavior (In The Black Community)

I see alot of issues in the black community, but i can not stand when people make excuses for bad behavior... that includes, bad parenting, bad financial habits, violence and loads of other issues. I don't want to beat a dead horse, but I cant make excuses for it either. I refuse to make excuses for our behavior, when it comes to not improving conditions. We can improve anything if we ignore it, hide it or excuse it. I believe that if we learn to be more honest with each other we can make more progress and improvements, but perpetuating that certain things are acceptable when they aren't will only be harmful to us overall.

Why I Do This

Let Me Vent Series: I'm Still OldSchool... respect it...

Just because you want to put tattoos all over your face doesnt mean I want too. Just because you want to grow long, dirty,stinky dreds doesnt mean I like them. I still like a guy to flirt innocently with me. I still like roses and smooth romantic music. I believe in God and am not afraid to show it. I still believe in working out to get a better body.. not running to the plastic surgeon. I still want to travel to new places and see the word. I still believe in love and good people.. I know they are out there. I still believe life can get better. So just cause your gone on drugs dont try to put on a damper on my dreams. My God told me I could have it, and I believe him over anything you can tell me!!!!

Let me Vent Series: I hate how society pits African Americans V.S Africans!!!!

Thankfully my blog and YouTube channel have brought me in contact with many people that I would not have otherwise met, but one thing that is annoyingly popular is the assumptions of African Americans from native Africans. Although I continue to verse myself in west African affairs,music and culture, it is always the presumption that I am ignorant to such things. It is so hurtful to me simply because as an American I feel like i have no culture, and even if I look to reconnect to places my lineage brings me, I am so disconnected. :-(The truth is that not all black Americans are the same. Some of us have a bigger scope. We have a desire to learn and understand. I am cut from that cloth. We are not ashamed of our blackness, but we embrace it. I love African people and am very inspired by their ambition. I think that most of the discord between the two comes from ignorance and stereotypes, but we will not be able to repair anything until we set pride aside and embrace each (lofty wish, yes I know)

Let me Vent Series: Working In A Call Centre

I hate that I have learned how to rephrase things in five hundred ways because people wont listen. I hate that I have to solve umpteen problems in a day for others and go home to my own more complex problems that others can not solve. I hate that I have become a liar to myself in order to make money. I hate that I have to be fake and show 'compassion' to complete strangers and people that I don't feel sorry for. I hate that I cant take a break when I want because I'm strapped to my desk or am restricted to when I can use my cell phone. I hate this job in general, but I know the reason I find myself here is my own fault. Afraid to pursue more responsibility and more education, I brought myself here.. looking for something to 'make ends meet', and 'to get by'. Investing into the false 'get something for nothing' American mentality. I fell for it, and now I have to get things back on track. I have to break out of my comfort zone, and pursue more.. because this can not continue to be my reality. Perhaps it is my own fear that has lead me here.. but it is my own heart that will lead me elsewhere. One thing is for sure, I do not like who I have become, or where I currently am. Thank God for another day to try again :-)

Let Me Vent Series: The Strife Of Being Beautiful

People only ever see the outside of me. Sometimes when I speak they look at me in confusion, as if I am speaking a foreign language. Being intelligent, serious and beautiful is like a double edge sword. Some are very intimidated. Some are envious.. but let me reassure you, it is not all that you think it is. It will not alleviate all your problems or help you find that perfect man... Sadly sometimes it makes things so much more difficult and more complicated than it even has to be. I have worked hard to estrange myself from all the streotypes that go along with beautiful women, but it doesnt matter because of people's pre-conceived ideas. I would rather be an average looking girl and get my way, than a gorgeous girl that struggles and wars with people

 constantly. People treat me differently because of my looks than they treat others. When I tell men that I am married, they do not respect it.. they proceed to pursue me, and it is so frustrating, and on top of that, my home life is not spotless and blissful. I go through trials at my home and on my job... life is not easy and I just needed to get it off my chest... ~Real Talk

Let Me Vent Series: Hey Black Girls... Why cant we get along with each other?

There is nothing worse than the war between black women... Whether it be the lightskin/darksin drama or the hood vs. oreo. It is annoying and stupid. The truth of the matter is that we all as women of color go through it.. we all experience challenges, and we need to learn to show love and be understanding to one another. When you say "you dont get along with girls", you look and sound stupid. You are a woman.. you should at least be able to relate to women... smh. Otherwise how can you raise your daughters? How can oyu prepare them for their life? There is strength in unity. There is power in love. With all the other factors we deal with in our lives, this needs to be one less problem. im serious.. it really gets under my skin.. ~Real Talk

Let me Vent Series: We All Have Breakups, My Friend.

Whether its a boyfriend,friend or marriage we all experience breakups.. so I wonder why people act so weird and secretive when it actually happens to them. Mysteriously, pictures disappear from Facebook, names change, status's get cryptic and strange. Its all so obvious.. but people think that they are hiding the pain. Breakups (whichever form) are always sad... so just be honest about it! I think the fact that we cant be honest about the demise of our relationships is really hurtful to us and others that could stand to gain from our experience. Many of us suffer without common experiences because our peers are too busy trying to put on a front. I was talking to my sister today, and we got on the subject of a couple that we know that got divorced, and the reasons why are still mysterious... I think we could all better help each other if we take our share of the responsibility's as well as coming to grips with the problems that existed. We will be better people if we review ourselves and how to become better in the future. Truth is there is not one of us that has not experienced loss... there is no reason to be shamed. The fact is the more control you take.. the less debilitating it becomes. You lose the fear because you have taken it and face it to become better.. Just remember... everyone has had it happen to them in one form or another... ~Real Talk

Let Me Vent Series:The Woes of Technology

I believe that our societies dependence is becoming an insurmountable problem. I believe that it is preventing the natural process of life and we should prepare for the detrimental effects of it... as we tamper with the environment, body and psychological we should brace ourselves for the cause and effect that is sure to come. During this post i have two specific areas i want to address: the effects on relationships and the profound effect on our children. Now before i begin i should confess that i am a lover of the foreign societal model. I believe that is what has consistently produced such self aware and successful people, whereas the latest American generations have struggled with self identity resulting in all the reckless behaviors that we Americans have become accustomed too. Recently, i was asked by an African friend if I would consider sending my children abroad to be educated. Without hesitation I would. There are too many negative factors in the states that prevent a healthy environment conducive for rearing children.I believe that the accessibility that technology(Internet) is providing is also simultaneously producing an insatiable and impatient society. We can go to our computers and with just a click can we shop,find entertainment, and connect with other people. These are just a few regular activities that usually take more time to accomplish in the natural. The dependence that we have on technology has destroyed some peoples abilities to have actual relationships. It is very important for our children to learn how to have interaction with others whilst they are young.With all the current dependence our children are not learning that, and they will be dysfunctional.We must learn to cultivate a balance of both because technology can bring some positives and conveniences to life, but it must coincide with real life as well...... ~RealTalk

Let Me Vent Series: "I Have Never Met A Girl Like You"

Words I have heard over and over in my lifetime. To say they are frustrating, would be an understatement, but that is most definitely how hearing it made me feel. First I felt weird.. like some sort of alien. Secondly, I felt alone as if no one could relate. I didn't want to be that person. I wanted to blend in.I think that I am solid, that I have a good head on my shoulder. Why should I be the minority? Why should pretty women that are also smart be a shock to society.. It really makes me mad. Its like.. what in the world did you expect? I dont think that I am that extraordinary. I just make time to read, pay attention to learn. The pressure I feel is unreal. Not only do I deal with alot of envy, but then Im also simultaneously a leader... people watch every move I make and wait to amplify my mistakes.It is a calling that is on some of our lives. It is frustrating, but it is necessary for those of us with influence to use it accordingly. Our cooperation or lack there of can seriously impact others that watch us and emulate us... ~RealTalk

Let Me Vent Series: Let Me Holla At The Brothers

This recent news of Chris Rock divorcing his loyal wife and mother of his children after nearly 20 years of marriage has me so twisted... and I wanted to take the time out to holla at the brothers because I'm so far from a black man hater.. I love my black men from all the many places they come from, but the way you dog black women is lowdown and unacceptable. What I often wonder is what will happen to your little black daughters.. I wonder if think twice if you imagined some other brother doing them the way you do us? You seem to think you are too good for a black woman.. as if we don't float your boat. I know its because of some deep rooted hate you have for yourself, your family and your roots... I know its because the media classically paints sexy black men with non black women.. I know you think you are getting some sort of prize, but ironically you are often met with the very reasons why you are better suited for a woman of color. You happen to notice the differences of culture,housekeeping, religion and parenting.. you find yourself longing for the very attributes you turned your nose up on... and Oh, I know it to be true.. I have so many black guy friends that have confided in me such truths.. Stop it.... stop estranging yourself.. stop puffing out your chest because you are no better than the woman that birthed you.... No other woman will be as loyal to you as we will, and that is real talk.....

Let Me Vent Series: "You Are A Strong Black Woman"

Let me be the one to tell you... I hate being identified as strong. I hate that for some reason people think I dont hurt or need comforting just like someone they perceive to not be strong. The truth of the matter is there is nothing more than I want than to be weak. I wish that people would do things for me and feel sorry for me. i wish that people could help me. Im strong by default because noone cared enough to make a way for me.. I would gladly love to share the burdens I bare as a black woman with someone else... to shed my spotlight and my influence to be another indistinct number. im not some power crazed person who loves to be in control, but the lack in this world is what made me step up.... and thats real.

Let Me Vent Series: The Black Expat Search

Does it piss anyone else off that there are always two different categories of life??? When I do research there is the 'American' experience and then the 'African American' experience... it drives me up a wall that there is such a discrepancy between the two..... For instance I just looked up expatriate (which for those of you that don't know are people that move from their home country to another country) I can find loads of information on white expats worldwide.. When I try to search specifically for a black American etc... nothing. I know that the expat experience will be drastically different for black and white Americans. Its so frustrating, and the very reason why I provide my blog and YouTube channel... because its just ridiculous that we are not providing the same resources for each other. I know I couldn't possibly be the only person interested in such topics (especially based off the number of responses I get about the various subjects I post about) I think we, as black innovators need to do a better job of providing the knowledge base to our peers of positive, forward- thinking, progressive black people. We need to step up..... If you have ever come across subjects you cant find resources on then please provide the resource... it is in dire need....... 

Me in Barcelona, Spain (October 2014)

Forge through.....

A lesson of maturity; transitioning from girlfriend to wife

In America women are promoted to be equal with our men. We are told that we can lead our houses just like men. We go to the finest schools, buy expensive power-suits,enter corporate America and lead. we are taught to believe that we can operate successfully like a man in every dimension, which is mortally false. These are some of the reasons I believe we struggle to find love with a real man, or if we manage to attract real man, the reason I believe we fail to maintain it. As a wife i have accepted the fact that I can not contend with my husband. I have watched as the double standards have penetrated our house and its not just my house... but the house of all my other married friends as well. A real wife must be patient and humble. which is the complete inverse for many of us that have been molded into this 'independent'creature. Its hard for us to sit back and let someone take the credit for all of our hard work. After all, we climbed the ladder on our own recognizance, no one ever made excuses for us. However I am here to tell you... none of that matters if you desire to have the type of man that will take care of you. Your marriage will require the utmost level of sacrifice and you will have to deprogram all that you have been taught of the 'independent' woman. There is a reason that marriage of yesteryear survived so long... and I believe it in large part to attributed to women knowing their place... It was never that the husbands didn't challenge the wives... but it was the take of the wives on the importance of the commitment and the togetherness of the family that convinced them to push through tough times. It taught resilience.. which is now absent in our current culture. As a girlfriend, you can make demands.. you get the luxury of liberty; or pushing the boundaries, but as the wife you will find yourself locked into sometimes extremely taxing and trying situations. It took me a while to learn the difference between a wife and a girlfriend. The girlfriend stage is all about you whereas the wife stage is all about him. I must also again state these are the thoughts and opinion of my blog.. you dont have to subscribe to them in any way.... but these are my real life observations. Especially if you happen to be dating an African man.. you will def experience the difference. African men cherish their wives, no matter what. They look at her as someone to be respected and not defiled. As the girlfriend you will experience more liberty.

Accountability ; part of the leaders life.... not for everyone

Growing up with a younger sister cultivated a deep preference to only be accountable for myself. Becase i was older i would find myself getting rerimanded for her actions and i hated it. Today my Pastor called me out for being thirty minutes late to church....in many different settings.... i am forced to become accountable for those around me. It is frustrating,  yet the mark of a leader. Obviously not everyone that reads this will be able to relate. Some never will know the cost of accountability, the innate pull of leadership. Accountability strengthens the leaders validity because after all noone wants to follow someone that can not demonstrate victory in their own live. I extol all the leaders out there to remember that we are held to a different standard and that is because we are the everyday examples for those around us. There is a special reason people look to us for guidance, and it is important that we fulfill our God given, great purpose of leading in a proper way.

Let Me Vent Series: And The Truth Is.. No I Did Not Wake Up Like This....

It has taken years to cultivate my look and my mind. It is nothing that can be achieved overnight, be assured. To create a vast vocabulary, it has taken hundreds of books, years of education and much correction. True beauty is truly skin deep. I believe that there is too much focus on simply the exterior. The woman who made such a phrase even popular knows good and well she "didnt wake up like that" smh. All I can promote at www.blkandtrue.blogspot.com is that you concentrate your emphasis on enhancing your heart and soul because your looks can and will fade. It is advice that I also apply to myself...... ~Stay black and true. 

Cultural Differences: The Effect of External Influences on Your African Man

I selected an African man for specific reasons: Genes, Tradition, Community,Ambition among others just to name a few. However, I was unaware of the large influence that he would be subjected too living in the states. Some foreigners hold fast to their foreign way of life, but you will find many others are more open to experiencing American life since their migration. For me.... this became somewhat of an issue. My husband went from enjoying the occasional soccer game to watching every NBA & NFL game. He went from listening to Makossa (Cameroonian french music) to repeating the lyrics of 2chainz and Lil Wayne. He went from tailored suits to a more casual look to blend in with his peers except I didn't want all those things.... those were actually the very attributes I wanted to avoid, and I found myself extremely frustrated by his ability to be influenced in what I regarded as an negative direction. It caused us much strife in the beginning because I was very estranged from who my husband was becoming.. and he didn't understand why I was upset. I felt duped and lied too because of course I wanted an "African" man. American influence is very strong, and I now can understand that being away from home is such a big transition. Eventually my husband learned exactly why certain things were not favorable, and reverted back to the groundwork that he had learned, but he did also tell me that I had to learn patience with him. He also desired to have the same sense of belonging that any other human wishes to have. If you are dating a man that has recently come to the states, this can present a huge hurdle for you, as all of the experiences you have come to have after a lifetime of learning, your mate is just beginning that journey as an adult. My advice would be communicate with your mate. I often explained lyrics to songs and broke down the connotations of slang. My husband shared how hilarious it was to learn some of the meanings of movies and music that he had learned whilst abroad. To him, they were simply words, and African Americans that had made it and become successful were simply icons. Alot of the media that foreigners are shown abroad about the American life is misleading and alluring all at the same time. As is it our home we know the fact from fiction, but a foreigner would never be able to make that discernment until they had the opportunity to experience it for themselves.