To Love... or not at all?

Some people never meet the one, and others meet several.... and it made me pose the question.. If by chance you happen to fall in love with someone that you are unable to cultivate a relationship with.... it is better to have experienced such passion.. or better to have never have it in the first place? I would opt to never have tasted it at all. It creates a unrealistic expectation for me... so if I can't have it, there is no need. Some believe in variety, and I do too when it comes to food or new shoes, but not in regard to love. In our culture, there is too much encouragement to date around, sleep around, and experience many different people. This mentality is dangerous, and sets the foundation for relationship issues in the future. It is inevitable that you will always default to comparison to the things or people you cherish the most. With that being said, it is possible for you to find love and passion with someone that you should have never entertained in the first place.... now becoming your unrealistic standard for relationships. Many women end up moving on from the love of their life due to lack of commitment, only to begin relationships with good guys that get compared to the ones before them. In this case the good guy ends up getting held to an unfair standard, and the girl feels like she missed out. So the moral to the story.. is be cautious who you give your heart and your body  too.... If there is a slim chance that it will have longevity, avoid it, to protect you in the long run......

Secret Disobedience

There are some things that are visibly wrong... but the most damaging of our bad habits are the secret ones.... We may be able conceal them for a time, but they usually consume us... and then embarrass us, royally. I'm talking about: Unwanted pregnancy, Illicit affairs, criminal activity,obesity, financial problems, unruly children and the other types of behaviors and situations that we hide, but are obvious once revealed. Some things that we do.. escalate themselves... such as unwanted pregnancies and obesity. The root of these two things in particular is lust and greed. Perhaps sex for you is a release and helps you medicate your problems.. but if not tamed as a woman.... it will began to show on you... Several children by different men, but no commitment..... Continually putting yourself in a more difficult position in life.. as you acquire baggage from your lust..... Perhaps food is comforting for you.... and regularly you skip the apple for the ice cream. You know in your heart you should exercise, but you rather snack in front of the television. You hate the way your clothing fits or your size, but after all there are bigger people in the world.... You pacify your bad behavior by comparison and delusion. "Well, one bag of chips wont hurt..." very true statement... but one bag of chips everyday for a year will contribute to an unhealthy, unhappy lifestyle. I believe in some ways obesity has to do with self indulgence.. Perhaps we can lie to people around us.. but our appearance doesn't lie.... All these thoughts were floating around in my head this morning....as i contemplated how we live... and all the secrets we keep from one another. The outside is just a facade.The only way to make our reality something we can enjoy, is by being honest about our current reality, and working to improve it......

The Bad Guy (Girl)

Sometimes it is inevitable that friendships/relationships will come to end. Often we hear about the drama, but I would like to discuss another sly hurtful way that some choose to end relationships.... Although rare, there are some people that are mature and sophisticated, and wish to go separate ways without all the drama. Perhaps they honestly state their reasons, ask for forgiveness and hope to move forward with both parties in consensus.... However when one of those parties can't handle the "break-up" they go into the bad/girl guy mode.. in which they wish to villianize the person that they are ending realtionship with. I can't tell you how many times people have tried to tear my character down, just to make themselves more at ease with the ending of our friendship. Nothing makes me more upset than false accusations.. I am not a perfect woman, but I do subscribe to honesty. Even if circumstances are ugly.. I will not shy from them. Which makes it all the more angering when someone makes up their own false reasoning about why you are not who you say you are. I share this as to say..... sometimes relationships run their course... it may not even be the desire or the intention of those involved for it to happen, but learn to be respectful. If you ever loved or cared about someone; discrediting them.. to make yourself feel better is childish & unfair.... Be mature and understand that time and chance happens to everyone and perhaps the conclusion of this relationship is all part of God's mysterious plan for your victory........
~ That is all

Quality or Quantity?

As I observed many families in a busy super market... I noted many, many women of color with men that looked less than up to par. I noticed women reaching for their wallets when it was time to pay, as the guy looked unconcerned. I wondered what was more important to these women... was it the fact that they had the company of a man, more than the quality of his character, and I wanted to stress the difference between quality and quantity. To be honest, I once dealt with the pressure of being a single black woman.. I dealt with the strange looks, questions, assumptions of my life style. I also dealt with unkind words from guys who didn't meet or accept my expectations... listening to them telling me that I would be single forever and that my expectations were too high. I dealt with unsettling internal worries.... asking myself if my dreams would ever come to pass or if I was destined to be just one of the many black women without a successful, committed relationship. My singleness went on for a while, until I began a whirlwind romance that resulted in a short courtship and eventually marriage. Once married, I considered the cost of this relationship.. and realized that sliding on the rings was only one part of the big picture.. that the nature of marriage was extremely challenging. I understood that I had escalated to a state that many of my peers were anxious to experience, without a full command of it. I would quickly surmise that no matter how long it takes, the quality of a man.. trumps the sheer presence of a man.... I know some woman that married young, and by the time they hit 30, they either were headed for divorce or were simply miserable in their relationships. I have also heard stories of women that married later in their lives, but were fortunate to connect with their soulmate. I would say it is better to spend your life with the one that your soul craves, rather than a filler that wastes your time. I feel that this message needs to be shared, because too many people are settling.. and it comes with a huge cost.... Stay true to yourself.... and reserve your heart for the right one.

The Gravity Of Parenting

As I reminisced over friends I grew up with and thought over some of their children now..... The gravity of parenting really weighed on my heart. I think that way too many people take shaping someone else's life and world too lightly.... They groom their children for future issues by not properly instructing them. One of my pet peeves is seeing little boys with long hair and clothing mimicking thugs (baggy clothing). Some mother's think its ok to teach their children curse words and aid their every spoiled cry.... This kind of pacifying becomes problematic for the boy once her becomes a young man....however it was introduced to him early in his fundamental stages. Then they go on to be dysfunctional men that plague responsible women..... in many cases this behavior started from the ground up. I believe it natural to think that your home environment is a good one, and in some cases people have a hard time admitting to themselves and others that their home and parents were less than sterling examples. All the more responsibility is put on the parents to make sure they are providing the best possible environment for their kids... it goes beyond buying your kids the latest material things and clothing..... it requires catering to their spiritual and emotional development. As an adult, I came face to face with the high occurrence of dysfunctional, non independent young people, that are struggling to find themselves... therefore gravitating to unhealthy habits and lifestyles.. all because they feel like they are missing something or they want to medicate their pain. Having a strong self identity will prevent you from just doing anything to yourself or your body because you will understand that you have a high wealth. So in closing.. I encourage all the parents out there that may be struggling or frustrated to not take your role in someone else's life without high regard..... you can make or break their future........

Yes, No, Maybe so.......

When we were younger, making choices were as simple as the title... however with age, it seems making some choices are extremely difficult. I for one have never been a hasty one to make life changing decisions.... I am someone that pours over choices.. as if my life depended on it because in my experience... my life DOES depend on it. I don't know if it is good or bad to be like that, because often looking around me, I see that some simply go on a whim, and do whatever is in their heart to do. One valuable option that I have learned over the years... is to simply suspend judgement on some issues.... take a step back, and evaluate your situation. What I have been taught, all my life, is that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy you. He will come in many forms that will have you distracted and you have to have the wisdom to choose wisely. I do believe that everything happens for a reason... and when you are at a crossroads of what you should do and perhaps what you want to do.... you must diligently seek God on the matter. You can consult all the friends & family you want, but if it is you desire to please the Lord with your life... his opinion all that matters. And for those of us in Leadership positions (either job, ministry or within our families) there are grave consequences for not choosing correctly, as well as public embarrassment, hardships, loss of validity and demotion of position. I would encourage anyone on the crux of a hard choice to FERVENTLY chase after the Lord.... until he provides an answer, and pray for a receptive heart to receive his instruction. Trying to go around the Lord, or mold his instruction will only delay your progress.... and if by chance you choose to go agaisnt him, you have now put yourself in the middle of a situation that was never meant for you to be in... At that point, he has no liabilty to protect & provide for you due to your disobedience....... #FoodForThought

Better? ; Maybe...........

To address something that I hear regularly, but have often been boggled by...... "You think you are better than me".....???????? I would quickly respond, if it truly mattered to me, that no, I wouldn't necessarily say better. Above foolishness? Most definitely. Above immature behavior? Absolutely. Perhaps I make better choices; agreed. However.... I would never say I'm better than you.... that's arrogant and totally untrue. Our character is a combination of our choices and principalities.... As long as we are living, even if we have wronged others, we have a shot at redemption from our Lord. He is merciful, thank the Lord because he loves us. Our life is compiled of our choices.. If you have been on top all of your life, all it takes is one bad choice to offset that... If you don't believe me just ask the countless Pastors, Celebrities and Politicians that got knocked out of their positions for one error in judgement. I realize that the one thing that separates me from anyone else, is the choices that I make.. so in essence, I could never be better than the next guy, just more wise.... and even in that case... if I choose not to exercise correct judgement, I too could find myself at the bottom of the totum pole.....

The Power of Planning

This might be a very far fetched idea, but I believe anything can be accomplished no matter how great the task can be... Somethings are more attainable than others, but I believe that long term planning can bring other more grandiose goals into reach. For instance, It amazes me how many people have beautiful dreams to travel abroad, yet never ever experience their dream. I too have dreams to visit such places in Europe as Monaco & Spain, and my mind is busy trying to formulate a way to bring it into fruition. I think that our fear of actually accomplishing things puts us at an disadvantage because sometimes we sabotage ourselves in various ways.
A few ways to overcome the fear of achievement:

• Take it day by day some goals seem impossible when looking at it in aerial view, ease your mental stresses by taking it day by day until you reach the finish line.
• Reward the gradual progress If your goal is to lose a few pounds or perhaps to  limit social media time on the computer, don't forget to reward the small successes.
• Impose some accountability Find someone or something to hold you and your goals accountable. In my case, my blog keeps me on track because I believe in upholding my word. Or for instance if you have a good friend that will keep you in line, share your plans with them, and give them liberty to help you not lose focus.
• Find a creative way to fund your dreams perhaps you can begin to recycle for extra cash to set aside for your dream trip or luxury purchase: selling clothing on eBay  or perhaps organizing a bake sale for work. Not only will your creativity help you feel self gratified, but you can generate capital to help with achieving your goals. 
• Don't let anyone crush your dreams Naysayers will always be part of the world we live in, but you must have the courage to fight for your dreams even when others around you cant celebrate your ideas.

So in closing, developing a plan can help you get from A to Z.. dont wait for tomorrow, start today right now... formulating and executing your plans :-) #GODSPEED

The Color Complex (Office Edition)

Today I would like to talk about the office dynamic for women of color: Foreign color or otherwise. Its laughable the additional stress we encounter.. the sheer expectation of incompetency, although we come ready with education and social skills. We encounter the expectations from not only our management, but from other women of color as well. We intimidate management to the point, that they pick, prod and threaten to provoke us..... It is frustrating, but I just want to share with women that are experiencing this unfortunate occurrence, you are not alone. Now make no mistake, there are women or color that truly embody the definition of unsophisticated, hood or ghetto in the office. They handle situations with authority or with coworkers immaturely, and have attitude to boot. However, this post is not about them... this is about the classy professional women, who clearly set themselves apart from those types of stereotypes, yet get grouped with the others girls.... I believe this is due to a lack of discretion or even attention to detail. Amongst other women of color, it is obvious who is who.... we can call out a hood girl, bourgeois girl, foreign girl, oreo (uncle tom) girl, or holy roller (extremely religious person), in a moment. Why is it in the office, they too can not notice the difference. In my specific case, it has been noted on various jobs by different people, a different level of treatment and attention is paid to me, over some others that break rules and challenge management. The foundation for this type of treatment really stems from the curiosity they have for you... They want to see you tick, so they attempt to push your buttons... I would encourage any woman going through this phenom to make your self friendly.... to bridge the gap.... Once they learn that you are indeed human with your own set of issues, perhaps it can lessen the need to push your buttons. In my specific case, i have fused together the team in my department, making friends out of coworkers which makes the environment so much better for all of us. I also recommend if you are at odds with your supervisor, it is more than likely due to intimidation.. Perhaps your management sees your potential and feels that you may take their spot. Alleviate their stress by acknowledging, not challenging them. challenging them could end in you losing your job, even if you are not wrong... because they may set you up.. or nit pick your every move.... Most importantly, just know that there are others working through these problems.

Da Basics

As a girlfriend of mine and I traded complaints about various problems we are experiencing in our lives, She made it evident to me, that perhaps I have been over analyzing my situations.. that perhaps I should take it back to a 'basic' level. She told me, that for the Christian, this requires getting right with God and doing it right now. She encouraged me to check my heart as well as my tithes and offerings, and once those items were in tact, then I could plead my behalf to God in prayer. After all... he challenges us to prove him with the tithe, and that he will pour us out a blessing that we wont have room enough to receive. My friend was absolutely right, and I'm thankful that the Lord spoke to me through her. Often we may get caught up in the swirling madness around us, and forget to maintain the basics. I encourage you too to align yourself with God and seek wisdom from him to make the right choices in life. It is easy to turn away from him, yet hard to return. Be mindful, and be strong.. Amen.

Equally Yoked

After listening to so many relent about the nature of the relationships they are either in, or wish they were in.... I was motivated to share my thoughts on this topic. all throughout our lives, the people around us as well as our media help us to shape our ideal mate. Most of the concentration is on superficial things such as looks, swag, and hair just to name a few. Often times the one most suited for us is right in our midst, but for some reason, we don't think that they are up to par. I have had countless friends that were great guys that i found attractive, smart and ideal for longevity... however they never looked at me as a prospect.. although they used to seek advice from me, spend their time with me, and tell me how pretty i was.. there was something that prevented them from looking at me romantically.... But guys aren't the only ones.... Females are constantly putting lifelong partners in friend zone meanwhile obsessing about the no good guy. Our media also feeds us the false hope that opposites attract. Opposites may indeed attract, but they are incredibly hard to maintain. Small differences can make living and understanding one another unbearable. When seeking a mate, one must evaluate them fully.. get their take on religion, parenting, finances and future plans. Take it from my experience that being unequally yoked is a tedious process... Minimal things become major fights... and future success seems impossible. I would certainly advise discussing in depth every major topic with your mate before perhaps moving in together or marriage.. It can save you time & heartache.

Feeling Good VS Looking Good

As I surfed the net, I became very, inextricably aware that some women of color are obsessed with they way they look, over actually feeling the way they look. They will spend absorbent amounts of money on high end clothing, expensive weaves, vacations, cars & all.... simply to achieve the look of it. Now don't get me wrong.... I too am a big spender, but the clothing, shoes, trips and my look don't define me. They just accent a gorgeous core. For instance, I am more comfortable shopping at a Thrift store or seeking out vintage, than sporting the top of the line latest fashions. Some may be shocked to discover that often those that look the most put together, have serious emotional issues and low self esteem. And at the end of the day.... It all boils down to your perspective about yourself . Others can shower you with compliments, but if you lack the self identity and confidence, nothing can help.... not the acquiring of more items.. not even a mate. For anyone who is suffering from this problem.... I encourage you to tackle it head on... Question: "Why am I doing this/buying this?", "Does it even make a difference?", and certainly if you are involved with folks that only enjoy you based on what you have or what you are doing for them.. beware.. these kind of folks like the ride, but hate the fall. If you cross something that you think you can't live without.... I'd encourage you to occasionally go without it... to justify being just as fabulous less one more belonging. Perhaps you are the kind to admire the boldness and confidence of others, but know this... other people will treat you according to the standard you treat yourself. If you carry yourself as someone special.... others will feed off that vibe, and respond accordingly.

Where exactly is the crisis????

So I was reading an article this morning about the "gender identity" crisis noted in the female children of Angelina Jolie and Beyonce, as their parents dress them or allow them to dress like little boys, I wondered, exactly where the crisis was... It is clear that a parent has the ability to shape and mold their child's world, by showing them and conveying to them gender specific information. If you are a girl or a boy.. it is clear of your sex. Hence, the parents responsibility to make that clear. There should be no crisis.... In the case of Blue Ivy Carter, Jay Z & Beyonce's 1 yr old daughter, her parents are solely selecting her clothing without any input from the child. It begs the question of why they would choose to dress her in such a way? In the Case of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt, daughter of Brad Pritt and Angelina Jolie, they claim their daughter is selecting her boyish clothing on her own, and that they just allow her to do so.
Real Talk:
As a parent, you are your's childs introduction into the world as we know it. As children I think we all have had some left brianed idea once or twice, and it was the responsibility of our parents and other adults that cared for us, to not just let us go in the wrong directions. Both sets of parents are cultivating a problem for their daughters..... smh... good luck with that....

 

Misunderstood

I was just thinking how unnerving it is when are trying desperately to communicate with someone, but they misconstrue your words... You explain to them exactly what you mean, yet they derive their own impression from it. I understand that from some messages may come with hidden meanings and underlying issues, but over time, one must assess the character of the one that they are communicating with. If they person is always succinct, follows through on their promises and is direct with you... after some time it is safe to assume that they mean what they say, likewise it they never follow through or are known to have hidden messages, it is safe to make that judgement call too.... For the person that is constantly misunderstood.... learn how to have a tough skin, as the vast majority of our world is full of crap and unwilling to do what they say, nor say what they mean. Understandably, you will not be taken seriously off top because of the epidemic of foolishness in our culture.... Don't take it personal because it is not you specifically.... it is the product of the world that we live in.. Carry on with your proud-to-handle business attitude.. don't lose your character or be distracted by the worlds attempts to make you lose your cool... I for one know how frustrating this can be. Telling someone the unmitigated truth from your heart, and they turn around and either don't believe it, or take a positive as a negative..... SMH IJS......

Pot holes

We have all hit them, and no one likes them, but it is inevitable that we may experience them on the road and through life. Last evening, a minister from my church, Steven Sessions, made an analogy I had to share with my blog readers. He said there are two paths in life, either God's path or the enemy's path. With the enemy's path, it looks good, but is deceiving or as he put it, is filled with pot holes. God's path is more challenging, naturally, however, we have the Lord to go before us on our behalf and fill in the pot holes before we are affected by them. He also mentioned, that as we live day by day, we are unaware of how our Lord has kept us safe and from evil. I share these things as to say, as we continue to have life, we are very fortunate. We must realize that some people today perhaps woke up, but wont finish out the day. It is imperative that we regularly engage with our Lord, and reverence him. To further illustrate I will share a true story I came across on the web.. No names will be shared to protect the guilty... From the day we married, I suspected that perhaps I had rushed into it. Almost immediately my husband began to change, and I felt lonely and trapped. My parents had insisted on a lavish wedding that left them paying for nearly 6 months after the event. Everything at the service was top of the line and elegant. Even on my honeymoon, the nights were filled with strife and unanswered questions. As a Christian, I resolved to sort through my marriage, as I had always been taught, even though my heart was questioning if I had done the right thing. Always amiss, I could come and go as I pleased, my husband always preoccupied with T.V or sleeping. He never minded my whereabouts.... One day I met him, and I loved him immediately. I wondered if he was truly my soulmate, and that the timing was just wrong. He too was smitten with me. I was caught in the crossfire. My husband had no clue I had been entertaining another man, but the other man was uncomfortable with my situation... claiming that he wanted to be free to have our own relationship, without boundaries. For weeks I cried, had sleepless nights and tortured myself with loads of "what ifs" and "what should I do". My heart warred against my faith, understanding that God was able, and that he never directs you to start something, and then not finish [my marriage]. But I loved the man so much... I knew I would never meet another like him, as special, unique people are a rarity in this day. I was unsure of what would happen in the event that I left my husband, would the other man still want me? would he be able to trust me? And what about the kind of seeds that beginning a relationship on that premise would reap? I considered how many people do this very thing, and appear to get away with it, and wondered if we too could just live happier ever after. However, I knew that my success in the kingdom, depended heavily on the one I had already wed, and that leaving one man for another had serious realistic and spiritual ramifications... After only a few weeks of the tryst, the other man concluded it, telling me he couldn't handle it. He too was a Christian, and could not rest easy being in the midst of the mess.He went on to marry the next woman he dated. As for me, I struggled for a long time with the feelings that I had developed for him, Although my husband noticed my distance and tried to improve things, I was very unavailable to him. I prayed and ask God, why the other man had come to me, and for what purpose, and he answered me one day, so clearly, I have to share with whomever comes across this..... The Lord told me that I had chosen a battle that i didn't need to fight, and that this lesson would teach me not to entertain another man, over working at my marriage to improve it.    This story goes along with the analogy so well because sometimes we put ourselves in terrible situations and wonder why it has befallen us, but if we would have been wise in the first place, we could have avoided unnecessary pain. In the case of the mystery wife, instead of turning the other man away when they initially crossed paths, she proceeded, which resulted in stress and emotional pain as she wondered which man to choose. Her faith told her to sustain her marriage, while her flesh longed for the other man. Such situations are common, but avoid them by being wise and standing on faith.....

The 5 Love Languages

This post is geared for my single readers...... because these love languages are crucial, and can be so beneficial for the longevity of your potential or actual relationship. My husband and I actually reveiwed these and identified our specific language in pre marital counseling.... If you are sinlge now, learning about these can be a life saver, and help you tremendously.... so the five are:

Words of Affirmation Language This language can other wise be know as "confidence booster" or verbal affirmation. This person loves compliments and encouraging words. They like to be told they are loved, sexy, smart and such often.

Quality Time Language This person enjoys quality time. This aspect requires the individuals to focus their attention on one another in ways such as open communication, both listening and speaking, and spending time with one another doing activities that are enjoyed by both individuals

Receiving Gifts Language Another language of love that individuals can share is the concept of receiving gifts. Some individuals see the act of providing one another with material objects, regardless of their cost, as an act of love. Without these acts of giving and receiving individuals who use this type of love language will feel deprived of their relationship

Acts of Service Language Individuals who express love via the acts of service language are prone to seeing such tasks, like chores and various household tasks, as acts of love. In order for two individuals to experience the acts of service language together, both individuals need to be willing to step outside of their typical household routines and perform one another's tasks for the sole purpose of being kind to one another
Physical Touch Language The physical touch language is simply the idea that individuals feel loved and comforted by being in close physical contact with one another in various ways, such as holding hands, hugging, kissing and sexual intercourse. Physical touch between couples can vary depending upon what each individual in the relationship is comfortable with.

 

The key thing about the importance of love languages is not simply determining your own or your mates', but learning to speak their love language. It is very rare that you would connect with someone that speaks the eact language you speak, so you have to be prepared and willing to communicate with your mate in their language. Neglecting to do this can result in your mate feeling unnapreciated and undesired. Naturally, we will attempt to treat people as we wish to be treated, however, mastering this art requires a bit more attention to detail.

For instance, I am a personal touch person, and my husband is an acts of service person. It continues to be a learning experience for the both of us to learn how to speak the love languages in the most effective manner. In the beginning, we both attempted to please each other in our own language, which was unsuccessful. After some time, we have learned to accomodate each other more on each other's level, and it makes our household run more smoother. I believe that learning these early in the game can be so beneficial because its like a playbook to your mate's heart...

Casting the first stone

This is a post in which you should self-evaluate the image and manner of character that you display. It is so easy to examine your neighbor and determined that you have been wronged, but it takes a true assessment to look at yourself with objectivity... and right your wrongs if need be. For the remainder of the year.. I will be making a sincere attempt to do more of this. The main reason we must be cognizant of our image is because it can make or break our witness. If we are living a successful life others around us will be more likely to trust us and be open to our suggestions, however I think we have all crossed someone who we may have wanted to trust, but we were caught up questioning their reputation or their fruit of life. I know that it is difficult when you are a leader and in a place of influence because sometimes you may just want to do what you feel regardless of how it will impact others, but if we have been given shine, the shine comes with a cost.. and we are accountable for those that we lead correctly or astray. Our Bible commands us to "remove the speck from our own eye before removing our brother's" which mean we must be proactive in getting our lives in order.

Spiritual Maturity for Leaders

From a very young age, I learned quickly that I could not always do what others did. I was often punished harder, reprimanded more frequently and pushed to the forefront relentlessly.From childhood to young adulthood, I would constantly search for the loophole.. actually desiring to get away with scandals like what seemed 'everyone' else was doing. When I finally accepted that I was different, I was in college, however, instead of embracing it, I retreated into the shadows in order to avoid the punishment, expectations and responsibilities. However like other reluctant leaders in the Bible, God still pursued me, and never allowed me to trade my gifts. Dressed in a very handsome package, a young man I was dating was used to drawn me back to church after a few years hiatus. Immediately it began once I was back in the church, but by this time I was so weary of fighting to Lord. I decided to allow him to use me for the kingdom. This choice is what I call spiritual maturity. Its when you either get tired of fighting God or you realize you can't win, so you make choices based on God's overall plan for you, instead of what you may want. I have found that God will especially test me in the area of pleasure vs purpose. He will allow certain things or people to cross my path, and wait for my choice. If I make the wrong one, I am almost immediately reprimanded. The Lord knows my heart on some issues and wants me to become even more strong in these areas. Many critical areas of my life such as my career and marriage are purpose driven.. sometimes they are more work than pleasure, when I would certainly prefer more pleasure. However, I know the Lord is working in my life, so I must endure the process. This message is to strengthen the other leaders that may be frustrated by the challenging situations our Lord presents us with. Sometimes you may want to throw in the towel and assimilate into the worlds wayward ways, but I would tell you that beautiful things always take time to cultivate.. more likely if it is part of your divine purpose.. it will be hard. Not only are we responsible for our own fate, but we are Christian ambassadors in the public. If we choose to ignore our purpose, we put others fate in jeopardy. When you find yourself engaged in a battle in which you cant decide between what you want to do, and what you know is right, I would encourage you to draw closer to the Lord and study his word. There are countless examples of people in the Bible that had to make the tough choices to serve the Lord. First example that comes to mind is Abraham and his son Issac.. So Abraham loves this boy... it is his only son, and he waited years to even receive Issac from the Lord. One day the Lord commands Abraham to sacrifice the boy, and by all means Abraham is prepared to do it, but at the last moment, God spares Issac and sends an animal to take his place as a sacrifice. Now I can only imagine what Abraham was thinking upon this extreme request, but he proceeded in spite of his fear, and for his faith, he was rewarded. I will certainly concede that forgoing pleasure is difficult, undesirable and confusing. Everything around us promotes pleasure.. It communicates that we can do whatever we want, without any consequence.. and in all honesty... every person knows that is impossible; that everything has a cost..... I charge the leaders that struggle in the area of spiritual maturity to do more, be more, and be better... so many lives are a stake in a dying world. Consider the temporariness of this life, we have all eternity to experience pleasures without any pain.. can you imagine????

Bait and Switch

over pillow talk with my husband, this concept was raised. It is the classic 'Bait and Switch' trick, in which a predator stalks its prey with the prey's desired bait, and once the predator has the prey in a compromising situation, he or she will change the bait, trapping or killing the prey. The term is used in hunting, but very much applies to human relationships, More commonly, women are the culprits. They dress well, keep their hair fixed, cook and clean to attract a man. Sexually, they are adventurous and alluring, willing to go to great lengths to seduce the man into commitment. Some women go as far as to attempt to 'trap' a man with an unwanted child (as we know, this method is highly unpromising.) or keep the truth from the man (prey) until they feel comfortable enough to spring it on him. However, it also works the opposite. Men buy fancy cars , houses and build an impressive body. They take the high class woman to nice dinners and sip wine together. Maybe even wealthy men will offer to take the woman for travel and buy beautiful expensive gifts.... Now all these things are considered the bait. The pursued person begins to cultivate certain tastes based on the impression that the predator has so cunningly provided. Unfortunately, once the prey has been accounted for, the predator begins to change up the routine, and slowly but surely the prey figures that they have deluded.
My take on it......
Although this foolishness is common, it is so dangerous and deceiving. I would highly encouraged both (predator & prey) to be cautious about using bait and switch.. If you find that you fit more into the predator role... Beware. What goes around comes around, make no mistake. And for the prey.. do your homework.. If it seems too good... it probably is. 
- People can be seriously hurt.. by expecting one thing, and actually getting something else entirely....
- Pursuing someone out of your league will be hard to maintain... they will expect to receive the established treatment consistently.
- You risk the chance of losing everything when you true motives are revealed.
- The prey may resent you for tricking them.

The moral of the story is it is always more beneficial to just be yourself and pursue/attract someone on the same level to allow proper relationship & longevity. If you wouldn't like to attract someone exactly like you, then you have some improvements before you. Our Bible warns the Christian not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers.... and the reason is, because such relationships can be so draining to the stronger partner.. Avoid all that drama by being wise!!!

Right Of Passage

"Why is it that we praise women for leaving their husbands... like it is a right of passage.. Tom was not abusive to her.. she is doing no great thing by breaking up her family.... She is not courageous for taking off her ring... and if she appears to be strong... just wait for the breakdown...... it is the result of not properly expressing your feelings.. If you are proud to be getting a divorce you are a sad individual.. IT IS A SHAME."

The above quote is mine from a cyber discussion about the divorce of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes which sparked much discussion. Unfortunatly I feel that there is too much shine given to divorce and those that initiate it. Instead of working collectively to get to the root of the problem, we search out the quick fix... and I can tell you all these things from example. Being married and merging two lifestyles is no easy feat. Leaving your spouse is the easy way out. With the exception of infidelity, drug use or true physical & emotional abuse.... Most areas can be addressed. In the case of Tom and Katie, they are celebrities that spend much time apart, What did they gander would happen? Everyday couples that dont prioritize each other will experience problems; all the more big celebrities that have all the access in the world to the finer things... The truth of the matter is, Marriage is work and the beauty of it is a process and takes time to cultivate. Our culture wants immediate gratification, and it is killing us.. because that very expectation is impossible and unhealthy. Women, I would encourage you to always see the bigger picture in all things. Husbands are not growing on trees out here... Why would you toss one before even allowing him to change. If you have given your all and he still refuses, you can rest easy that you did not just walk away from a situation that could have been turned around. I encourage you to pray and draw close to the Lord. If your marriage is God's will.. then he certainly can help you maintain it.